Title: Lost and Found

Chapter: Twelve

~~~~~~~~~~

Ellen was a continuing mystery to Gwen and if she had to, she’d admit that part of the reason she continued to hunt with her was because she’d silently taken on Ellen as a job. Mysteries intrigued her, especially one as puzzling as this one. What on earth had happened to Ellen to cause this loss of memory? With the little Ellen was able to tell her, Gwen had concluded it certainly wasn’t natural. She dug at it, slowly trying to piece it together, much to Ellen’s amusement. This was something big. She could feel it in her gut.

She called Sam, using general terms and no names, talking to him about Ellen like she was not only a full case, but a man instead of a woman.

“It’s weird, Sam. This guy’s memories are shot. He has no idea who he is, but at the same time, he does know. He knows his job --”

“To be honest here, Gwen, it doesn’t sound like anything weird to me, just a case of --”

“Amnesia, I know. I’ve done the research into it. Trust me when I say it’s far more bizarre. There’s something not right with his situation that I’m obviously having trouble putting into words.” Maybe it’d be easier if she spilled it all to him? She cast a glance at the connecting door to Ellen’s room, reluctant to tell him there was a hunter out there with no memory. For all she knew, Ellen hadn’t gotten along with them and they’d rush in here before Gwen got answers. She was determined to get answers, preferring to get them before they finally did cross paths.

“Is he a danger to those around him?”

Gwen smiled. How to explain that part to Sam? “Not generally. He could take down a threat if one happened along.” Which was the truth. Ellen was very capable.

“Is his lack of memory messing with his quality of life?”

“Quality of life?” She snorted at his use of the phrase. Sometimes this new Sam she’d had to get to know said things in the politest way. It had taken some getting used to on her part after months of the other Sam.

“What?” His tone changed, like he knew what she was thinking and was tired of such a response. Maybe he was. He had to be getting it a lot of Dean and from friends. Gwen knew he did have a few friends he’d reconnected with.

“Oh, just that I kind of miss you saying things blunt and straight. Quality of life? What you mean is ‘is he screwed in the head on a daily basis’ and the answer is no. He’s competent, sane, and has no trouble living life or getting along with others.”

She heard him sigh. “Then I guess I’m not understanding what the job is or why you’re even still on it. If the only problem is a little amnesia, that’s a job for his doctor, not a hunter. Last I checked, while you’re pretty good at stitching up wounds, you’re not a doctor of any kind.”

Gwen flipped open the top of her bag and pulled out clean clothes. She needed to wrap this up if she wanted to take a shower before heading out to meet Ellen for breakfast and plan their strategy for going after the possible langsuir in the area. “I think he’s hexed or something.”

“Any signs of it?”

“Not that I’ve found,” she admitted slowly. “It’s just…. I’ve got a gut feeling it’s not a natural amnesia.”

Sam was quiet for a moment. “Are you sure you haven’t developed feelings for him?”

She should have seen that one coming and smiled. “I’m sure.”

“Because it happens, Gwen. Happens to hunters all the time. We blow in to town, get up close, and then, what do you know, we’re having to kill the person we’ve begun to like because she’s the monster all along.”

Sounded like personal experience to her. She wondered what the story was on that. “I’m not falling for him, Sam. Believe me. I like my guys to be…guys.”

“Oh.” The way he said the word told her the sort of conclusion he’d drawn.

“Yeah. Well, I’ll keep working on this.”

“Sometimes you can’t wrap things up neatly and you have to move on. Can you afford to stick around and try to solve it?”

Considering she and Ellen were working together…. Yes. “It’s not a problem. Thanks, Sam.”

“Anytime.”

She hung up and turned her tv back down. While they had rough patches where they annoyed each other, which was usual in her opinion, she and Ellen had developed a decent rapport. They’d even exchanged Christmas gifts: gloves for Ellen and a scarf for Gwen. Considering Ellen had misplaced her gloves and Gwen hadn’t had a scarf at all, the exchange worked nicely and they were both pleased with their gifts.

Gwen went to take a shower. By the time she got to the restaurant, Ellen was already there, dressed in a smart blue suit and looking mildly uncomfortable in it. Whether she hated it or not, it looked good on her. Sometimes, dressing up was necessary. Gwen didn’t care for it herself, but she’d learned long ago that she’d have to do things she didn’t like in any profession.

A cup of coffee was cooling at Ellen’s elbow, a small laptop open before her. “They possess their victim and suck their blood from inside them.”

“That’s an appetizing thought right before breakfast.” Taking off her coat, Gwen dropped it on the seat and scooted in to the booth opposite Ellen. “Sounds like a vampire. They are a kind of one, right?”

Ellen glanced at her, nodded, then returned her gaze to the screen. “In Malay folklore. They’re supposed to be hideous and vengeful, with red eyes, claws, long hair, and fangs.”

“Sounds just like what’s been seen.”

“And they fly.”

She sighed and picked up the menu, perusing it. “That complicates things nicely if it’s true.”

“It’s true,” she said in a sure tone. Ellen closed the laptop and put it in the bag beside her. “They fly and they’re extremely dangerous. You sure you’re up for this?”

“Bring it on.”

Ellen smiled. “Now that’s what I like to see: eagerness for the job.” She saluted Gwen with her coffee cup.

They each had their role in the partnership and fell into it as the day unfolded.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It took Castiel merely an instant in the motel room to realize his mistake. As long as he’d been following Uzziel’s trail, he’d been the hunter by Uzziel’s choice, but as soon as he deviated from Uzziel’s plan, he became the hunted, also by Uzziel’s choice. All along he’d been following Uzziel’s script for him. Castiel could kick himself for not realizing it a long time ago.

The worst part was that he couldn’t shake his pursuers. He’d tried everything he could think of, but they kept on after him. No matter what he did, they were behind him. When the four on his tail turned away, four new angels took their place, over and over, following him until it was clear that he couldn’t run forever. Defeat welled up inside him.

It was over.

He was on the run, his supporters…. Castiel wasn’t even sure what had become of most of them. There hadn’t been time to stop and check on any of them. He’d heard of a few having been killed for certain.

Fine, he thought. So be it. If they were coming for him, he wanted to be with friends in the end. He wanted to see Dean Winchester.

With a burst of speed that was nearly the last of his resources at present, he found Dean.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean woke to Castiel sitting on the side of his bed like old times. He sat up, glancing over at the other bed. Sam wasn’t there. Maybe he was out talking to Gwen. She’d mentioned some pretty weird cases lately, like running into an actual langsuir. Turned out cutting their claws really did turn them human again. Sam had added that one to the notes on other various creatures in his laptop.

“You’re okay,” he said. He’d worried about Cas after witnessing the hot pursuit by Raphael’s soldiers, counting the days and watching them pass by until the calendar turned to February. Castiel had been gone for over a month, not answering any calls. How much of that time had been spent running, trying his best to keep ahead of the soldiers pursuing him?

“I live,” Castiel replied, not moving.

“Are you okay?”

To Dean’s horror, Castiel seemed to crumble, shoulders bowing, and he saw exactly what Jo had described at Christmas: Castiel close to giving up completely. Not again, he thought. He remembered well the last time Castiel had given up. He’d gone on a bender, drinking an entire liquor store. “I’ve lost seventeen followers in the past month, Dean. Seventeen good angels who wouldn’t bow to Raphael. And those are only the ones I know about. The total of angels I’ve lost….” He leaned his head back. “I can’t continue to throw them all away.” His head turned and Dean was further horrified by the despair in his eyes. “I’m considering surrendering. I can’t hold him back.”

“You were having victories, Cas. What happened to them?”

One shoulder lifted in a shrug. “One step forward to Raphael’s five. His army grows and mine never gets very big to begin with. Angels are either afraid of him, share his views, or don’t wish to die so they do nothing. Where does that leave me?”

“You can’t give up.” He shook his head, tossing the covers aside and moving to sit beside him. “Sam and I, we’ve told you before that we’ll help if we can. We’ve said it several times. Just tell us what we should do and we’ll do it.”

“You can’t help me. You can hardly join me in the heavenly realm and fight alongside me there in battle.”

“Then why are you here?” Dean wasn’t sure he understood what Castiel wanted from him right now.

He hesitated, glancing away then back. “Jo said it can help to discuss things. You’re my friend. I came to talk and wait.”

Dean closed his eyes for a long second. When he opened them, Castiel was still watching him. “Oh, Cas….” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m not real good at the soul-baring stuff, but…” He gestured with one hand, “lay it on me.”

“I did. I still don’t feel better. Jo was mistaken.”

“You…. Okay.” That was easy. He’d thought there’d be more. “Are you…staying awhile?”

“I’ve nowhere else to go. I’ve hidden my path here as well as I can, but when they do come for me --”

“I’ll kill them if I can.”

“-- I’d rather be with friends than alone. I’d rather you know what happened to me, since I know you do care somewhat for me.”

“Stop it.” He put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and raised the other hand, pointing at him in emphasis of what he was going to say. “You aren’t going to be taken and you’re sure as hell not surrendering, not if I have anything to say about it.”

“I’ve accepted the inevitable --”

“Geez!” Dean got up and reached for his robe, putting it on. “What’s wrong with you, Cas? I haven’t seen you like this since….” He didn’t finish the sentence. Castiel didn’t like to mention his former fallen state, nor had Dean told him about what he’d seen in the future. He hated seeing Castiel this way. It always sent a sharp burst of sheer wrongness through him. “You’re not giving up. I won’t let you.”

“If you have anything you’d like to tell me, then say it before they get here.”

He stared at Castiel. “Are you serious?”

“Of course. The past two times I was killed, I was unable to tell you what I wished to beforehand. I…I wasn’t ready to verbalize. The opportunity is now here and I’m ready to. I’d like to tell you that you mean a lot to me, Dean. I’ve come to care very much for you, more than I do other humans. You’ve been more of a brother to me than my own. I think the word that fits how I feel best is ‘love’. Phileo to be precise. Brotherly love. A feeling, not agape. Agape doesn’t address my feelings.” He nodded slowly, as though still mulling over his own word choice. “Phileo. I love you and I thank you for all you’ve taught me about humanity during our acquaintance. The learning experience has been invaluable and I’m honored to be considered a friend.”

“Are you screwed in the head? Are you seriously going to do the whole ‘goodbye, nice knowing you’ bit?”

He put his hands on his knees, frowning up at Dean. “I’m using the opportunity given to me to tie up my human relationships in a satisfactory manner so that you may grieve my death properly when it comes very soon.”

“You go in to battle with that attitude and you’re screwed.”

“I’m,” he used finger quotes on the next word, “screwed whether I do or not and I recall quite clearly that you yourself gave up during the Apocalypse.”

He shook his head. “I rallied. You were there at the end of it. You know what happened.” Dean continued to talk until he realized he was going round in circles. Cas was in a funk and wasn’t coming out of it. He sat beside him again, trying to figure out some other tactic to take that might snap him out of this.

When Castiel’s voice came, it was low and tentative. “Do you have anything you’d want to tell me if these moments are my last?”

Dean thought about it. There were always things he’d want to say. So what if it was Castiel’s last few minutes? Maybe he’d humor Cas and hopefully something he said would help. “Sure.” He began to list a few things. “Thank you for finding Jo and telling me. I’m glad to have her back. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and for Sam. We’d be far worse off without you around, that’s for sure. I’m sorry I snapped at you when Jo was with us the last time. I was so close with her…. I’m sorry I’ve been a dick off and on. We humans don’t always behave on our best behavior when things aren’t going our way and we lash out. Sometimes we do that to people we care about, take it out on them. Hell, Sam and I do it to each other all the time.”

“You care about me.”

“Thought it was obvious. Cas, I may not say it, but I really do care about you. I guess if I think about it, it qualifies as ‘love’. What was the word you used again?”

“Phileo,” Cas supplied it.

“Yeah, that.” He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees and ignoring the ‘chick-flick’ feel of the moment. If it got Cas back on track, he’d just go with it. “I get what you’re doing up there, I do. I know it’ll affect all of us eventually and knowing you’re trying to stop it makes it seem better. I know you feel like you’re the only one up there fighting for the right cause. I’ve been there, remember? But you were brought back for a reason. I may not agree with what your big boss does, but I agree on him bringing you back. The world needs you. The angels need you, whether they know it or not.”

He knew it probably didn’t seem like he understood how big Castiel’s war was, but he did. He got it. It was just…. Dean didn’t want to think about heaven going belly up when he and Sam had fought so hard to save the earth. Out of sight out of mind. He’d rather bury the immenseness of it than actively contemplate it. Castiel must feel like Team Free Will all over again only without the other members.

“Can one angel change the heavens, Dean?”

“Can one man change the world,” he countered, looking over at him.

“One man has many times in world history.”

“Then isn’t that your answer? You’re changing things, Cas. You are. And it’s for the better. All you’re seeing is the war in front of you, but how many angels have changed sides because of you? How many are rethinking their stance? You have friends and allies. They are there. You can give up and turn yourself in, but where will they be? Hunted. You know Raphael is going to hunt them if you’re caught or not.”

Castiel was thoughtful, the despair disappearing from his eyes as he considered the words. “Jo believes I’ll live through the war.”

“And she barely knows you. How much more do you think I believe you’ll live through it?”

“Your confidence in me is overwhelming.”

“Cas, apparently you’ve got God on your side and you need a confidence boost? Can Raphael boast of God’s favor anymore?”

“I do no boasting about it. Boasting isn’t becoming for an angel. It’s --”

“You know what I mean, though?”

Slowly, he nodded. “I do.” He sighed and looked away. “Jo was right after all. I do feel better.” He nodded again, this time with a bit more force. “I no longer wish to sit and wait for them to come for me. In fact, I’m surprised they’ve not arrived already.”

“You see? What have I been telling you? You have to take time out to recharge.” He’d been telling Castiel that for a very long time. Everyone needed to get together with friends, even angels. “And maybe you gave them the slip.”

“I doubt that,” he said in a dry tone. Castiel stood and turned. “I meant what I said. Phileo.”

“I know.”

“If I don’t come back --”

“You’re coming back.”

“But if I don’t --”

“Cas.”

He nodded and vanished without another word.

~~~~~~~~~~

Flirting with Dean Winchester was an art form that Jo began to slowly perfect as time passed. He treated her well in their meetings, with more attention focused solely on her than she’d ever had from him. It was nice to be pursued and by someone very good at the process.

January passed in a blur. Normally, the cold months were slower, but for Jo, the days passed quickly. She worked a couple jobs, found an actual job to alleviate her boredom with traveling, and took a quick break from searching for her mother. It was difficult not to feel guilty about the break. However, Jo was beginning to feel discouraged and she knew from experience that the best thing to do was to simply live for awhile. Honest living, too. The sort that meant she paid income tax and gave out her real social.

She decided to break through February and start up her search again in March.

Dean, as always, was fun. He’d finally gotten around to asking all of the little getting to know you things he should have asked years ago when they’d first met. Her birthday, favorite color, things like that. He brought up each question so casually, too.

Her phone rang and she smiled to herself, answering it as she closed the dryer and started it. “Think of the devil and there he calls. What’s up?”

“Got a creature to add to your creature-feature diary.”

“What would that be?”

“It’s called a langsuir. It’s --”

“Similar to a vampire. I’ve got that one already. Mom and I ran across one right after we started working together. Nasty piece of monster crap. Dangerous as hell. We nearly didn’t survive it. Where’d you run into one?” She sat in one plastic chair and stretched her legs out. The Laundromat was warm and quiet save the thump of her dryer. She was alone at present.

“We didn’t. Gwen did.”

“That’s your cousin, right? How’d she do with one by herself? Those are usually best taken care of in a tag-team effort.”

She heard him make what sounded like a cross between a chuckle and a groan. “If anyone could deal with it alone, Gwen could. Girl has attitude and ability some men would kill for. She’s not alone, at least she wasn’t then anyway. She told Sam she’d teamed up with someone.”

“Anyone we know?”

There was a pause, then a sigh. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say Gwen was being coy as to who. She won’t say. Avoids the topic. Leaves out names. Sam’s convinced she’s got a boyfriend helping her out and is trying to keep us from digging at him.”

“And you? What do you think?”

“I think Gwen’s doing some kind of digging of her own and we won’t know what’s going on with her until she thinks it’s time.” Another sigh. “I don’t know. Sam could be right. She did get a lot of protective crap from family and Samuel for a long time. I guess it could be a boyfriend, though I don’t know why she’d hide it from us.”

Jo made a face at her phone then returned it against her ear. “Seriously? Dean, she’s part of your family now.”

“She is. What’s your point?”

“You protect your family and if you thought she was going to be hurt, what would you do?”

“Go in there.”

“Exactly. She knows you would, too. Dean, she’s got your number. She knows you and Sam would go rushing in to help and she doesn’t want help.” She toyed with the hem of her shirt. “Some day, I want to meet this woman. I think I’m going to like her.”

“I think the two of you would butt heads so fast….”

The conversation continued and when it finally concluded, Jo was surprised to find that over an hour had passed.