Title: The Best Laid Plans

Chapter: 5

~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, I don’t know that I’ve ever been tired of actual sex before.” Dean laid a pillow on the couch and sat down.

“My heart bleeds for you.” Bobby closed the section of paper he was reading and reached for the next one. “Spare me the details.”

Sam grabbed the section Bobby had set down and gave the first page a cursory glance. “Is that a bad problem to have, Dean?”

“It’s one I’m willing to do an intense study on.” He yawned so wide it made Sam’s jaw ache to see it.

“Yeah, well, could you move the bed out from the wall so I can get some sleep myself?” Bobby reached for his mug of coffee and took a long drink. “You two made enough noise to scare away all manner of wildlife from here to Sioux Falls and it’s rare enough I get sleep to begin with that I’d like a full night.”

“Sorry, Bobby. Sometimes you just gotta let it all out.” He reached for the blanket on the arm of the couch. “And sometimes, you are going to need earplugs.”

Sam gave up trying to read the paper and laid it down. “You could always see if the lovely Sheriff Mills would let you stay with her.”

Bobby sighed. “Don’t you start again. Jodie and I are friends.”

Dean stretched out on the couch, blanket over him and one arm behind his head. “Tell me about that. What’s up with you two? Doing the dinner date thing regularly or was it just a one-time thing?”

There was no reply.

“Bobby?” Dean raised his head up a fraction. “Got some hot and heavy police action going on there?”

“How do I get it through your thick skulls that Jodie and I are friends? Just friends. Friends eat meals together occasionally.”

“Lunch,” Sam asked, and at Bobby’s affirmative, he asked, “dinner, too?”

“Yes.”

He bit back a smirk.

Dean didn’t bother trying to hide his smirk as he quirked a brow. “Breakfast?”

Bobby’s mouth opened. His reply came only after a long stare at both of them. “There’s a truck stop about twenty minutes away makes the best eggs Benedict in the state.”

“Uh-huh.” Dean chuckled.

“We’re friends.” With an irritated snort, Bobby got up.

“I think Bobby’s got a girlfriend, Sam.”

“Sure looks that way.”

“Now you listen here --”

“And he can’t take the teasin’.” Dean shifted position slightly. “Testy.”

Sam turned his head in time to see Bobby’s annoyed scowl.

“Like I told Sam last night, it ain’t your damn business. Go to sleep, Dean.”

Dean muttered, “Definitely a girlfriend,” and closed his eyes. He was asleep in minutes.

Somehow, Sam wasn’t surprised that Dean needed to leave the bedroom to get some rest. Having seen Castiel’s reactions the past few days, he’d quickly realized the method she’d chosen for distracting herself: Dean. Maybe that was fitting, since she’d chosen to switch vessels primarily to regain the love she’d had with Dean. She’d deny that was the biggest of the reasons, cite all of the others, but Sam understood the truth.

He waited until Dean was asleep and Bobby was outside working before going upstairs and knocking on the door. “Cas? Can I come in?” He had a question he’d been wanting to ask Castiel for a long time now and thought this was the time to do it, when she couldn’t leave to avoid answering him. She’d have to answer.

“If you wish.”

Sam opened the door and peered warily into the room, half afraid she’d still be naked. She wasn’t and he breathed a small sigh of relief. He’d once admitted to Dean that he found Risa attractive and Castiel in her attractive as well.

Stepping inside and looking around, he studied his handiwork on the walls, ceiling and floor. A part of him was surprised it had worked even though Castiel had told him it would. He fidgeted, trying to work himself up to asking what he wanted to know, a small bit of misgiving inside him right before he blurted out that question.

~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel knew she should let Dean sleep, but it was hard to do that when this process had her wanting to flee Risa’s body. Dean kept her anchored and feeling halfway sane in it so it was with reluctance that she told him to go downstairs and sleep. He made another promise not to let her out of the room no matter what before leaving. She’d made him promise that over and over again, trying to cover anything that could happen. It’d be best if Dean knew ahead of time what she wished him to do in certain instances.

She got dressed, uncertain why she bothered since she wasn’t going anywhere. However, it would be hours before Dean woke and rejoined her. There was a chance that either Sam or Bobby would decide to look in on her before then and she assumed they’d prefer her to be wearing clothing.

For the time being, she felt in control of herself, yet knew that could change at any second. The sensations had begun coming in waves, long moments where she felt helpless beneath it all and shorter ones where there was relief. Cas hoped it was the beginning of it all evening out like her contact had promised. She hadn’t told Dean that she had some distrust of her contact. After all, that feeling could be connected to this process and it was a tiny sliver really, nothing that set off alarm bells in her head.

Less than half an hour after Dean left, Sam knocked on the door and opened it, coming in.

“It’s like a panic room almost, isn’t it? Only it keeps you in instead of keeping you out.” Sam closed the door, but not all of the way. There was a tiny sliver of light -- freedom from confinement -- where the door wasn’t closed. A crack.

“Yes,” she agreed. “I can’t see out, but neither can my siblings see in.” She sat up on the bed, swung her legs over the edge of the mattress, and tried to avoid looking at the door.

“You know, Cas, we don’t really…talk. I mean, you and Dean do, but you and I? Not so much.” He walked over to the window, then back to the door.

Sam seemed nervous, hesitant, and even a little frightened. She wondered what was wrong, what he wanted to talk about. “We’ve talked.”

“A few times. We’ve had some good conversations,” he agreed. “But…generally, we don’t talk. So can I….” He sat down in the straight back chair in the corner. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you consider me a friend?”

“Yes.”

“And friends tell each other the truth?” Sam leaned over in a casual pose, his hands clasped tightly together. Only the pose itself was casual. Sam was not. Castiel could see the tension riding along his shoulders.

“Yes. What is it you’re wishing to know?”

He sighed. “I know it’s all in the past and can’t be changed and maybe it’s better if I don’t know, but I’ve been thinking….” He stared at her. “I’ve been thinking long and hard about a few things and it’s still bugging me not to know, so….”

She waited.

Sam took a breath and when he spoke, his words were jumbled together and very rushed. “Was it you who opened the panic room door and let me out the first time I was in there on demon blood?”

Castiel squeezed her eyes shut for the span of about three seconds, then looked back at him. She’d known that perhaps some day she’d have to own up to that action. Now was the time. “Yes. It’s an action I regret taking.” And one she should have admitted to long ago.

There was a flicker of hurt in his eyes as he stood. “Then why did you?”

“Because then I was still following orders whether or not I agreed with them. Heaven had a vested interest in your going after Lilith. I’d questioned the rightness of it, yet at the time, I’d not found the courage to disobey an order I knew was wrong. I was very torn, Sam. Duty and orders. Or right...and disobedience. The one was safe and the other frightening to contemplate. I’d not yet come to understand that sometimes doing the right thing in disobedience can actually be obedience. God obviously approved of my disobedience to my brethren. He brought me back twice.”

Her gaze slid to that crack of light. Cas could feel freedom calling for her to ditch out of Risa and escape the emotions and sensations. She stood and took a few steps towards it. It would be so easy to swing open the door, step into the hall and leave. The relief of that called to her, an almost physical pull drawing her forward.

“If I could go back and make my stand there, I would. The fact remains, however, that they would have sent another angel had I refused and I would have been unable to free Dean when Zachariah took him. I would have been unable to disobey and help both of you later. I’m sorry, Sam. The action grieves me and always will.”

“You’re sorry, Cas? You’re sorry.”

“I am.” She wrenched her attention from the door. “Sam, would you close the door the rest of the way please?”

“Why?”

“I’m a few seconds from throwing it open and leaving Risa’s body.” For a long second, she didn’t think he was going to, could even see him mulling over just letting that happen, perhaps in retaliation for what she herself had done. “Sam, please,” she whispered.

He glanced at the door, then back at her, expression shifting to understanding. “Oh, sure.” Stretching out an arm, Sam closed it the rest of the way, much to her relief. “Sorry, I didn’t realize. The door has to be completely shut, then?”

“Yes.” Castiel returned to the bed and sat on the edge, facing away from the door. Maybe if she didn’t even look at the door it would be better. “I realize you’re angry now, Sam. I understand that anger and perhaps I shouldn’t have answered.” She ran a hand along the covers in a repetitive motion, over and over. “Perhaps I should have refused, told you it didn’t matter because we’re beyond that point and our interactions have brought us into a friendship that I enjoy having. It pleases me to call you a friend, Sam. I don’t wish this answer to cause that to end.”

He came into her line of vision, vision that suddenly seemed too sharp in focus. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. Did you know what was going to happen then? Did you have any idea at all?”

She stared up at him. “Believe me, Sam, I didn’t know.” Castiel grasped the edge of the mattress, feeling a skittering sensation upon her skin that began to slowly build. “Sam --” The room felt warmer as well, the air thicker.

“Does Dean know it was you?”

“No.” She gulped in a breath. “Sam, it’s starting again.”

“It…what? The feelings?”

“You need to leave the room now!”

To his credit, he did leave right then, leaving her alone with the wave of feeling and sensation that swept over her, tumbling her beneath it. Hot. She was too hot. Burning up. Cas touched her hand to her forehead, surprised when her fingers came away wet.

“I’m sweating,” she whispered. Usually, she didn’t sweat just by sitting still. She’d found she could sweat in Risa’s body under certain circumstances, yet by not moving? It was strange.

But she was sweating. Perspiration made her clothes damp.

Standing, she stripped them away and found no relief from the heat that seemed both internal and external. She stumbled to the window, pressed her forehead to the glass, taking shallow breaths. Where was a cool breeze when she needed one? Thirst began to grow as well and all Castiel wanted was to dive into a pool of icy water and stay there until it all went away.

Hours passed with no end to this wave. It wouldn’t stop or lessen. All it did was build.

“Too much. It’s too much. Need to go…. Find Jimmy….”

She dropped to her knees on the floor, not even realizing she was delirious and sliding in and out of consciousness. All she knew was that there was no end from the pain.

~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel’s admission, though not surprising or shocking since Sam had already guessed it had been her, still hurt. He knew they were well beyond it now and their personal relationship had changed into a friendship, but that sense of betrayal remained.

For a second after that admission, when she’d asked him to close the door, he’d wanted to throw it open and see if she had the strength to succeed where he had failed; to force herself to stay when he hadn’t been able to. Reason had quickly countered that urge. If he’d done that, when he knew very well Castiel had made Dean promise not to let her out no matter what she said until the process was over, he would have ended up hurting his relationship with both Castiel and Dean. The thought that he’d even entertained doing that made him feel ashamed.

He went downstairs, glancing in at Dean before setting himself to the task of searching for a case of some sort close by and making plans to pick up the Impala. With Cas out of commission, he needed a ride there. The two tasks ended up taking up most of the day. The plans to pick up the Impala went together quickly. Bobby was willing to drive him there since it was only a few hours away. Sam planned to spend the remainder of days they’d originally planned at the motel, then come back.

As for finding a case…. There wasn’t anything within a close distance right now. At least nothing he could find. Fate’s way of keeping him close in case Dean needed him maybe?

He was sifting through the last potential leads when Dean finally woke.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean woke feeling mildly refreshed and very hungry. He realized he hadn’t eaten anything since the day before and got up from the couch, folding the blanket and dropping it back on the arm of the couch. “Morning, Sammy,” he called out.

“Try evening, Dean. You slept over nine hours.”

“Did I?”

“Like a rock. I tried to wake you earlier and you didn’t budge.” He was at the table in the kitchen, laptop open and a glass at his elbow.

“Mmm.” He stretched and moved towards the fridge. “Any of that lasagna left?”

“There’s some on a plate in the fridge.”

As he heated it, he studied Sam. He was paying close attention to whatever was on that computer screen, like he didn’t want to look at Dean for some reason. That was kind of suspicious. “You look in on Cas at all?”

“A couple hours after you fell asleep. She had an episode, so I left.” Sam sat back in his chair. “First thing tomorrow, Bobby’s going to drive me over to the motel to get the Impala and our clothes. Good thing we told them two weeks, huh?”

“Good thing,” he agreed. “Why didn’t you look in on her after that?”

“I got busy.” With a gesture at the computer screen, he continued, “Just because you’re helping Castiel through this doesn’t mean I can’t take a case or two nearby. Besides, Cas can easily spend days by herself and be perfectly content.”

Dean dished up the food and brought it to the table. “Uh-huh. What’d you get into it with her about?”

Sam made a noise of protest. “Nothing. Honest, Dean. I wasn’t fighting with Cas.”

“Yeah?”

“No fight. She just confirmed something I’d suspected for awhile now, then I sat down to look up a few things and got busy. That’s all there is to it. End of story.”

“Will Cas tell me the same thing?”

“I don’t care if you ask Castiel what we talked about. Go ahead.”

“How about you tell me and I don’t need to?”

“It’s not important.”

“So you don’t mind telling me?”

“Dean, I’m not telling you. If Cas wants to, that’s fine,” he shook his head, “but I’m not going to.”

“Okay.” He cut the lasagna and forked up a bite.

“Okay?”

“I’ll ask Cas.”

“I already said that’s fine.”

“Okay.” He ate a few bites, then nodded at the computer. “Find anything?”

“Not really.”

“Too bad.”

Bobby was still out working, or avoiding coming inside, one of the two. For all of his talk earlier in the day, Dean didn’t really blame Bobby for being upset with him. After all, he, Cas, and Sam had pretty much ruined what might have a been a romantic evening for Bobby and Jodie Mills. He suspected both of them could use some romance in their lives.

Dean put his dishes in the sink, grabbed a few bottles of beer and headed up the stairs. He thought Cas might like to sit back and have a drink if she wasn’t too amorous.

“Cas?” Dean stepped into the room and shut the door. She was sprawled naked on the floor on the other side of the bed, very still, her eyes closed. What the hell? Quickly, he put the bottles down. “Cas!” He went to her, kneeling beside her and holding her. Her head lolled almost drunkenly against his shoulder, her body limp. “Come on, wake up.” He patted her cheek.

She was burning up, her skin fiery to the touch, perspiration dotting her brow. Dean’s alarm grew when she opened her eyes and blinked, but her eyes didn’t focus. “Dean?”

“Something’s wrong. You’ve got a fever.”

“Hurts….” She grasped his arm. “Make it stop!”

“How? How do I do that?”

“Open the door. Let me leave.”

“Cas, I can’t do that. You made me promise not to.”

Her eyes focused for a moment. “I did, didn’t I?”

The fever and sweating passed after eight days, leaving Castiel less physically sensitive. Emotionally, however, she was still all over the place and Dean was right there with her.

~~~~~~~~~~

While Sam hated to leave Dean alone with Castiel in that condition, he also knew they had to get the car and their things before the motel manager tried to claim them or threw them out and had the car towed. He and Bobby left earlier than planned, Bobby dropping him off and heading back immediately.

He tossed his and Dean’s things into their respective bags and put them in the trunk before pausing at that bag Castiel had brought with her. In Jimmy, Cas had never had luggage, yet in Risa, she brought an overnight bag. His fingers wavered on the zipper pull, and Sam had a moment to think he shouldn’t be looking inside before he was opening the bag and doing just that.

His brows raised as he pulled items out and set them aside. Dean really did have all the luck, he decided, whistling at one particularly racy piece of lingerie. Castiel seemed to have embraced the idea of lingerie, maybe even understanding fully the purpose of lingerie. Sam slipped the items back into the main section of the bag and opened the outer pockets.

He found a brush, some perfume and Castiel’s cell phone.

Even more curious about who an angel would have as contacts, he opened it up and took a look. There were only four listed. Him, Dean, Bobby, and…. Interesting. Balthazar. The same one they knew and had come to despise maybe? Why on earth would Balthazar have a phone and why would Castiel need it to contact him?

Sam put the phone back in the pocket, packed the bag in the trunk next to Dean’s bag and headed back towards Bobby’s.