Title: The Best Laid Plans

Chapter: 3

~~~~~~~~~~

Jimmy’s wife was a nice woman. Risa decided if anyone was going to have her house and belongings, it might as well be Amelia. She left Castiel packing a bag of things he thought he might need as her. With amusement, she noted that those things he packed coincided with those she remembered packing a year earlier.

She went downstairs to give Amelia a full tour of the house while Claire watched tv.

“Castiel says he’s arranged a transfer of property and funds from me to you. If something happens to Jimmy, God forbid, you’ll have no problems. I think if anyone asks any questions, just tell them Jimmy’s my half brother and I left everything to you two. I’ve never talked about my family, so no one should say anything. I’m sure I can get Castiel to provide some sort of documents to support that as well.”

“Documents would help.”

“Then I’ll see you have them.” She showed Amelia the attic, asked her not to disturb the boxes of clothes for awhile, until they were sure Castiel wouldn’t want them, then led her down to the second floor.

Castiel was in her bedroom, still packing items he’d concluded that Dean had appreciated the most and would probably like to see again. He held up a lace teddy that was little more than two strips of five inch lace stitched together in a couple places. A frown creased his brow and he studied it before folding it neatly and placing it in an overnight bag.

While Amelia’s gaze turned speculative, she didn’t say anything.

Risa led Amelia down into the kitchen, peeking into the living room at Claire as they passed the doorway. The teenager was engrossed in a show about clothing designers and fashion. Risa swallowed back a feeling of regret. She’d thought she’d have time to have children, had even entertained the thought of trying to have one with Dean -- although she probably would have been asked to step down from her job. An unmarried, pregnant religion professor wouldn’t have reflected well for a Presbyterian private college. “Your daughter is beautiful, Amelia.”

“Thank you. I think so, too, but as her mother I’m naturally biased.” She gestured at the tv. “Claire’s latest career decision is to be a fashion designer. I keep telling her she has to learn to sew, but she doesn’t believe me.” Amelia sighed and smiled. “The wisdom of teenagers.”

They ended up on the porch, Risa sitting in one chair and Amelia on the swing, talking about little things until Amelia finally stopped in the middle of one sentence and leaned forward.

“Thank you for this, Risa. I don’t know how the Winchesters do the nomadic lifestyle. To have a home again….” She brushed tears away. “Thank you for that and for giving me my husband back.”

“You’re welcome. It makes sense to me for Castiel to take me as his permanent vessel. I’m not long for this world on my own and there are other factors involved.” Risa didn’t want to elaborate, trying to hedge around the other factors. If Jimmy wanted to fill her later in, he could. Risa didn’t think she needed to explain the full situation to her, because if she tried, Amelia might get the wrong idea.

“Factors?” Amelia wiped her eyes again and sat back. “Do those factors have anything to do with the goody bag Castiel was packing full of racy lingerie?”

Seeing Amelia was well on the way to getting the wrong idea, Risa said, “Amelia, nothing untoward happened while Castiel was in Jimmy’s body.”

“Then why is he packing those things?”

“The things that happened were all while he was in my body.”

Amelia thought a moment. “I’m going to guess with Dean Winchester.”

“Yes.”

“Risa.”

She looked up. Castiel was in the doorway, the overnight bag in hand. How long had he been standing there? “Yes?”

“It’s time.”

“All right.” She got up and started to him. As they passed the living room, Claire switched off the tv and went outside through the side door. Risa explained what Amelia needed and was relieved to find he was already ahead of her.

“The documents are in an envelope on the desk in the office.”

Through the window looking into the back yard, she could see the guard Castiel had assigned to Jimmy’s family. The angel, Micah, said he owed Castiel a debt and was happy to protect the Novak family to the very best of his ability. Debt meaning Cas had saved him from being killed by Raphael’s supporters several times now.

She sat down on one chair and smoothed her clothes, making sure she looked presentable, then looked up at him. “I’m scared, Castiel. What if this doesn’t work and the cancer breaks through and you have to leave me because of it? What if I really have to face it? What if --”

He set the bag down and knelt before her. In a tentative motion, he reached out and placed his hands on hers. “That can’t happen. We’ve discussed this. You’ll be safe with me. No pain.”

“Are you sure?”

“Would you like a moment with Jimmy and ask him?”

She’d never spoken to Jimmy. Castiel had always been in him. “Can you do that?”

“I can.”

There was a bright light and then Castiel slumped over with a tiny groan. When he looked up and spoke, she realized it was now Jimmy with her. His voice was higher and the blue of his eyes seemed less vibrant. “Risa. Hi. It’s nice to meet you in person. Any questions?”

“Was he right? No pain?”

He shifted his weight and removed his hands from hers. “To an extent. You may feel something occasionally, but consciousness isn’t long. It’s not like you’ll be awake much. The heat and light of angel sort of burns everything away. When you do have consciousness, you’ll find a lot of time has passed since the last time. You know that, Risa. You were his vessel for awhile.”

“Not like you. Not for weeks, months at a time. Only a couple days every few days.”

“You know you’ll be fine with Castiel. It’ll be more of the same of what you remember.” He stood. “Anything else?”

“No. I don’t suppose.” In a moment, her life would drop away and Risa Hope would no longer exist in the world as herself. She was a bit sad for that.

“Are you ready then?” At her slow nod, he took a few more steps back. “Then tell Cas that.”

She looked up at the ceiling and said, “I’m ready now, Castiel,” feeling a little foolish for speaking to thin air -- until that same light and heat she’d seen move from Jimmy encircled her. For a second, it felt like the warm, welcoming hug of an old friend, and then Risa fell back behind the angel, ceasing to be aware of her surroundings.

~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel was careful in going into her, being as gentle as he could, taking the time to make sure she was sleeping before stretching out completely. Perhaps Risa appreciated that consideration. She wanted to be considerate of Risa because Risa didn’t have to make this offer. She could have simply accepted her death and gone to it. Instead, she’d chosen to give something back to Castiel and Dean both. Cas turned her attention to Jimmy.

“You’ve been an exceptional vessel, Jimmy. I thank you.” She pushed to stand and walked to him, pleased that Risa had decided against wearing heels. While she’d gotten better at walking in them, Cas didn’t think she’d ever be as graceful as Risa had been in them. “I regret that this may hurt for a moment.” Before Jimmy could move, she touched his forehead, severing the connection between them with a pang of anxiety. To go back to him now would mean restoring that connection that had been made long ago in Jimmy’s living room late at night.

Jimmy jerked back with a hiss of pain. “Oh geez, that hurt! What, were you giving me a lobotomy, too?”

“I severed the connection that has been strong between us for years now. There’s understandably some discomfort for you.”

“Discomfort. It’s like a bad migraine, Castiel.”

With a little sigh, she reached out again and siphoned the pain away. “There. Is that better?”

“Thanks.” He studied her. “No pain for you?”

“I’m saddened to lose you as a vessel, of course, but my…pain will escalate over the next few days and will be far more than a bad migraine. I won’t have a pleasant time of it.”

She planned to seek out a contact upstairs, one in a female vessel that had been an ally in the resistance against Raphael’s takeover attempts. She hoped the angel would be willing to talk on the matter of female vessels and that some answers could be found before she returned to Dean. It’d be nice to have a better idea of how things could go in the next months.

“I need to go, Jimmy. Should your family need me, you may call or send Micah.”

His hand lashed out and gripped her arm before she could pick up that bag she’d packed.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jimmy watched Castiel become Risa and wondered if it looked the same when Cas became him. The shifting of expression so minute that one had to pay close attention to see it. The sudden knowledge that a different presence was looking outside through those eyes. When she spoke, her voice was deeper, the sort that could described as ‘sultry’.

He both wanted Cas to leave and for her to stay, and understood just how hard this was for her. She was leaving safety and swimming out into unknown waters.

Jimmy grasped her arm and lowered his voice. “Castiel, wait.” He glanced around them, making certain neither Amelia nor Claire were nearby. “If something happens to Risa and you can’t stay in her --”

“No, Jimmy. I promised you your life back, albeit with a few changes for your security. You’ll have it.”

He released her arm. “You’ve changed.”

Bending, she picked up the bag that had been packed. “I’m committed to this vessel now. There’s no going back. I either cope…or I don’t.”

“I mean it. I’m serious.”

Castiel led him to a window and pointed outside to where Amelia and Claire were. “Look at them, Jimmy.”

He looked, his heart swelling with the fullness of his love for them. His beautiful family. He’d never expected to ever have them with him again day to day, nor for the rest of his life. But he did have them with him, them and a life to replace the one shattered when Castiel had first come to him. This was a new home, new life, new everything, and he was grateful for that.

“You don’t mean it.” She leaned over, mouth near his ear. “You love your family. You have your family.”

“Yes.”

“You’re not going to say yes to me again because it’s too painful to know you’re losing them again.”

Jimmy bowed his head and closed his eyes, nodding. “You’re right. You’re right, Castiel.” He opened his eyes and started to continue, only to find himself alone.

Castiel had left without saying goodbye.

He smiled, his smile tinged with sadness. Out of all the things Castiel had learned, she’d never learned how to say goodbye. Jimmy, strangely, felt better with no goodbye between them. With no goodbye, he could imagine they might meet again some day.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was Sam Castiel called to gain information on their whereabouts and Sam who offered to stay the night elsewhere. From his tone, it sounded like he’d had plans to that effect already, mentioning something about a woman he and Dean had once met that he’d recently hooked back up with. Cas didn’t really listen to the details. As long as Sam wouldn’t be there.

She materialized in the room. Dean was watching tv, quickly shutting it off and getting up when he saw her.

“Where’ve you been? Jimmy said you bugged out two days ago.” He’d been worried she saw and was surprised at the same time that he’d thought Jimmy might still know where she was. Like he thought she and Jimmy would be friends. To the contrary, Castiel was severing contact as much as possible to protect Jimmy. She’d still receive reports from Micah occasionally, but would have no contact herself unless it was needed.

Did she need to rethink that? Why would Dean assume it was so unless he thought it would happen? Certainly, she and Jimmy had been through a lot together and had come to understand each other fairly well, but…friends? She mused a second on Dean’s definition of friendship and realized that yes, she now qualified as Jimmy’s friend.

She set the bag down beside his. “I went to speak to one of my sisters. My supporters assure me of her loyalty and truthfulness.”

“And?”

“She says a few of my conclusions on female vessels were mostly correct, but that prolonged inhabitation makes the emotions and sensations easier to handle.”

“The longer you take, the easier it’ll be?”

“The longer I take in a row, Dean. Female vessels must stay filled or we go back to ‘square one’. They require a bit more care than male vessels. They are far more delicate. Less disposable.”

“Disposable? Nice word for all the male vessels out there. So you’re saying chicks are different whether they’re human or angel.” His voice was gruff.

“Yes. She says I’ll have an adjustment period where the emotions are almost too intense and at times close to real pain, but that if I push on through them I should be able to eventually find a balance between the human and myself. It’s the only way. Once I’m through that period, I should be approximately at day two and a half emotion-wise and will remain there, provided of course, that I don’t leave Risa. I’d be starting over in that case.” She leaned against the dresser instead of going to him like she wanted, uncertain of how he’d respond were she to attempt to be physically closer to him. “Female vessels aren’t what I thought they were, Dean. My assumptions were…off. They were special assignments handed out by Zachariah only to those he thought he could trust implicitly because they do require more care and planning. The angel-vessel bond is very strong in a successful female vessel-angel pairing and not all angels can make it through the process completely.”

“You didn’t know any of this already? Seriously, Cas?”

“I was a simple soldier, Dean. I wasn’t made privy to the details of female vessels or the process through which they were picked. I had no reason to care as long as the angels I needed were there when I needed them.” Castiel didn’t tell him about how hard the adjustment would be. Her contact had stressed the pain of it. What Cas had felt thus far was nothing to what was coming.

“You trust this female angel?” He sauntered closer, nearly to her. “I mean, if Zach hand picked her --”

“She was spying on him and others. I trust her. She’s been loyal.”

“Mmm-hmm.” He crossed his arms. Castiel could see the emotions changing in his eyes. Worry sliding towards anger. “Every time you went back to Jimmy, things got re-set with you and Risa, sort of like starting a record over.”

“A record? What’s --”

“And if you’d stayed in her through the overwhelming emotions, they would have eventually eased enough for you to do your job as well as stick around with me in the way we were.”

She turned her gaze to the floor. “If I understand her correctly…yes.”

“You didn’t have to go.”

“I suppose no.”

“You changed things for nothing except to get me attached to Risa too.”

She swallowed and stood up straight. “Yes. If I’d been thinking properly --”

“But you weren’t, were you, Cas?” His words were openly angry now.

Regret welled up inside her. “No, I wasn’t. I jumped to conclusions based upon the facts I saw before me. We all did. You, me, Sam.” She hadn’t been thinking very clearly at all, experiencing those emotions, enjoying feeling something.

“You’re the one who changed our memories.”

“What would you have had me do, Dean?” She felt frustrated by his anger. He knew why she’d done it, yet still he was angry? “You were being torn apart inside. How could I not try to make it better somehow?”

The argument began then, one that seemed to escalate, Castiel’s confusion increasing. Why was Dean so angry? She didn’t understand and he wasn’t explaining, merely yelling things at her, accusations that she’d already said were truth. Over and over it went.

“I don’t understand,” she cried out.

Dean paused in the middle of one angry sentence and Castiel had approximately four seconds to note the flaring of desperate desire in his eyes before he had her pinned to the wall, his mouth on hers in a kiss that conveyed his feelings in full. Love, anger, want, and need all swirled together in a mix of possessiveness. He kissed her as though she was air he needed to breathe.

His. She was his…and he was hers.

Her hands trembled as she grasped his shirt and dragged him closer.

This.

Yes.

This was what she’d wanted, what she’d needed: their bond come full circle into completion and a return to that sense of oneness with him.

Dean shuddered against her, his lips leaving hers to trail down her neck. He grasped her blouse, ripping, tearing instead of unbuttoning it. “Get these off,” he said, voice low and harsh. “Now.”

She undid the remaining fastenings to her clothes as he removed his own, barely getting out of them before he was grabbing her to him and whirling her away from the wall. He lifted her against him and then Castiel was falling backwards onto the bed.

Foreplay was non-existent, but she didn’t need it. She was ready, arching up to meet his hard thrust, gasping and sighing her pleasure in their bodies being joined together.

This was where she belonged.

With Dean.

Much later, lying still beside each other in the dark, Dean’s voice sounded.

“I’m still pissed at you, you know.”

“I do,” she replied.

Though he was angry with her, his hand still clasped hers, fingers twining with hers. “And I do still love you, Cas.”

She squeezed his hand. “I love you, too, Dean.” Closing her eyes, she pretended that she could sleep, listening to Dean slowly slide into that state himself.

Already, she could feel the urge to flee Risa’s body growing and was determined to be one of the few who finished this process. She didn’t simply need to.

She had to. She’d taken Risa as her vessel and there was no going back. Failure wasn’t an option.