Title: That Old Illusion of Free Will

Chapter: Nine

~~~~~~~~~~

It turned out that Jo was very easygoing as far as Christmas decorations were concerned. A tree inside and a wreath on the front door was all she really wanted. They picked out a tree together, one that was artificial because Jo was allergic to the sap of real trees. It was interesting to see what ornaments she chose -- mostly glass balls and stars. No tinsel, no garland, just multi-colored lights and ornaments. When they were done, it was nice to sit on the couch with their only light from the lit tree. Jo would put her head on his chest and her arms around him and they’d talk, Jo nestled against him.

They talked a lot. They seemed to have an endless supply of topics to discuss, a thing that brought back memories of Amelia.

He remembered Amelia had had a collection of ornaments, all neatly tucked away in boxes in themes. She’d had a box for burgundy ornaments, another for silver, gold and so on, then boxes for musical ornaments, angels, Santas…. She’d kept them organized and changed the tree theme every year. One year they’d had a tree decorated entirely in Claire’s handmade offerings. Popcorn strung in thread, construction paper ornaments, and more. She’d liked the process of decorating for the holiday.

Amelia had baked cookies every year. She’d had a cookbook of Christmas cookie recipes that she’d thumb through, marking the recipes she wanted to use with colored paper clips. From December first through Christmas itself, their house usually smelled like a bakery. She’d take trays around to people they knew and he’d take a few into his office.

While Jo made a couple loaves of cranberry orange bread and some complicated chocolate bread, she wasn’t interested in making cookies for hours. He couldn’t blame her. Her back, legs, and feet had begun to hurt if she stood too long. So Jimmy made the cookies while Jo sat at the kitchen table and kept him company, Christmas music playing on the stereo.

The time was flying by. Some days he was afraid to blink for fear he’d miss something. Jimmy didn’t want to miss a single thing of this life.

They got the baby’s room mostly decorated. According to their doctor, there was no doubt that Jo was having a girl. Still, they’d decorated in neutrals, with accents in ‘girly’ colors. It brought back memories of decorating for Claire when he and Amelia had still been struggling financially. This time, there was no struggle. He and Jo wanted a certain crib, so they bought it. They liked a rocking chair, they bought it. It was almost surreal to Jimmy to do that.

He liked this life he had with Jo, but a part of him was terrified that it, too, would be ripped away from him like that first life with Amelia had been taken.

He tried not to think about it.

As the days passed, he was pleasantly surprised to discover that Jo’s libido wasn’t slowing down. He’d hoped it wouldn’t, because he’d gotten very used to spending quality time with her between the sheets. If anything, it was speeding up. She was frisky at the drop of a hat, almost always willing to be distracted, and flirtatious and seductive the second the dishes were done for the night.

Like now.

Jimmy laid back against the pillows on their bed, groaning a little as Jo nibbled a slow line down his chest and stomach. The glance she turned up to him was playful, her fingers dancing along the bare skin of his right thigh in a light caress. Placing a hand on her back, he swept it up, fingers tangling in her hair. Her skin was soft like silk, her long hair a teasing touch when it brushed against him. His eyes closed, anticipation rushing through him. He’d been looking forward to this all day, since that coy promise she’d made as he’d left for work. Not to mention the naughty texts she’d sent him. It had been difficult to concentrate with thoughts of her in his mind.

For some reason, delinquent accounts just hadn’t held his interest.

He sucked in a breath as her tongue swirled lower, impatient for her to just --

Jimmy.

Castiel’s voice was faint, but irritatingly insistent and Jimmy tried to ignore him, concentrating instead on Jo’s hands and mouth on him.

Jimmy.

“Not now, Castiel,” he growled. “Go away. Come back later.”

Jo paused.

He shook his head, opening his eyes and looking at her. “No, Jo, baby, no, don’t stop. It’s okay. Go ahead. Don’t stop. I don’t want you to stop.”

“You’re sure?”

“Totally.”

She returned to what she’d been doing, albeit not as enthusiastically as before, and just when he’d returned to that state of utter bliss in what she was doing, Castiel’s voice sounded again, this time impatient.

I don’t have all night, Jimmy.

“Damn it, Castiel, go away,” he snapped.

Jo sat up, shoving her hair back from her face. “He’s not going to go away, is he?”

I need you.

“She needs me more,” he replied to Castiel, disappointment zinging through him as he realized that the promised action wasn’t going to happen. “No, I don’t think he is,” he admitted slowly, sliding his hand along her thigh and thinking dark thoughts about angels with bad timing.

Jo let her chin drop to her chest, pursed her lips, and sighed, before nodding. “Okay.” She got up and reached for her robe.

He hated to see her cover up and let out a little groan of protestation.

You mean you need her.

“Wake me up when you get back,” she told him and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

“Same difference, Castiel. She needs me, I her, and us each other.” Jimmy raised up onto his forearms with an exasperated sigh. “Okay, what’s so important that you have to interrupt when I’m in the middle of making love to my wife?”

She appeared to be doing all of the work.

“She does it well, which is why I’m more than a little pissed that you interrupted. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a woman to do that?”

No.

“Well, it’s difficult, so you interrupting was not cool.”

Get dressed. We need to leave now. The window of opportunity for a private chat is slipping away with every second you argue.

He grabbed those clothes he’d changed into after he’d come home and dressed, hoping he wouldn’t be too late in getting back. Though Jo had said to wake her, he knew that if he did, she’d have trouble getting back to sleep. She’d begun to develop insomnia at about three-thirty every morning. She’d be awake for the rest of the night if he woke her up.

They had a window of about three hours before she actually went to bed. With any luck, they’d be back before then.

~~~~~~~~~~

Keeping an eye on Sam had brought Dean back into his line of sight.

While he hated to interrupt Jimmy and Jo’s intimate moments, Sam had just left to buy dinner and Castiel knew that might take awhile. He had a slim window of time in which to converse with Dean without Sam present. Cas took possession of Jimmy as soon as he’d put on his shoes, taking the time to put on the coat. He didn’t bother with his phone as he already knew Dean had been trying to call him. He’d heard Dean talking about that with Sam. Dean thought Cas didn’t want to talk to him. He was wrong. Of course Castiel wanted to talk to him. Dean was his friend. Friends talked.

He appeared in the motel room directly behind Dean. “Dean, I must talk with you.”

“Cas!” Dean turned, hesitated a second, then hugged him, slapping him so hard on the back that it nearly made him cough. “Where you been, man?” He released him, then frowned, grasped the lapels of the coat and parted the edges. “What the hell are you wearing?”

“I’ve been putting heaven to rights.” The second question appeared to be self-explanatory. Did he need to answer it? Castiel decided not to, instead asking the question he’d come to ask.

He was somehow unsurprised when the conversation that followed wasn’t what he’d hoped it’d be.

~~~~~~~~~~

The relief Dean felt upon seeing Castiel was what he knew Bobby would label as ‘excessively girly’. He felt it nonetheless. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed Castiel until Cas was standing there in front of him, far too close, just like old times. He didn’t make an issue of it this time, simply glad to see him.

Two things puzzled him. Castiel was wearing casual clothes like Ellen had spoken of and…he smelled like perfume. Very flowery perfume. It wasn’t a light whiff of scent, like he’d briefly been near a woman, but rather a concentrated scent of the sort picked up while in close, intimate circumstances.

“Why are you lying to Sam about Lisa?”

Dean leaned forward and gave a loud exaggerated sniff. “Why do you smell like perfume?”

“Where are you going when you tell Sam you’re at Lisa’s?”

“Why are you wearing different clothes?”

Castiel’s lips thinned with annoyance. “Dean.”

“Cas.” He crossed his arms.

“Why are you lying?”

“Why do you smell like you’ve had a woman crawling all over you? Have you had a woman crawling all over you?” It seemed unlikely in his opinion, but one never knew.

“Where are you going?”

“Why the change of clothes?”

Castiel crossed his arms now, his eyes narrowing. They stared at each other.

Dean shrugged in a nonchalant fashion. “Tell you what: you answer my questions and I’ll answer yours.”

“I’m not answering your questions.”

“Then I won’t be answering yours.”

“I could take the answers.”

“Not like I can stop you, is it?”

Again, they stared at each other. Dean waited, curious to see just how much humanity Castiel had retained. Would he disregard Dean’s wishes and take the information? Or would he accept an exchange of information?

After a long moment, Castiel looked away. “I was in a location where a woman had recently put on perfume. She was…in close proximity.”

Dean sniffed again. The scent was nice, familiar. “Yeah, she’d have to have been close, because dude, you reek. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice perfume, just not on you. So…. You got a girlfriend stashed away somewhere? She cute?” He wiggled his brows at him. “Tell me she’s got a nice rack.” Was it his imagination or was there the beginning of a blush on Castiel’s cheeks?

“I’m not Gabriel, Dean. I don’t keep any woman anywhere.”

He nodded. “Okay. Guess that can count as one question down. Simple reason I’m lying to Sam about Lisa is that I don’t want him to know yet. I made a promise to him and I couldn’t keep it. How do I explain that to him?”

“I see.” Cas slid his hands into his coat pockets, looking down at the jeans and sweatshirt he wore. “Jimmy wears many different things these days.”

He thought about the implications of that. It gave their theory a bit of truth to back it. “You are ditching out of him. Why are you leaving your vessel? You told him he wouldn’t age, that it’d be years as a vessel. I heard you tell him that, Cas, remember? Were you lying to him back then? Or is something going on with the vessels that’s out of the ordinary; something that means you have to leave him?”

Head still bent, Cas glanced at him. “Leave it alone, Dean. Leave Jimmy alone. You might not like what you find if you pursue this line of investigation.”

“You know me better than that. Something’s up. I’m gonna find out what it is.”

Castiel shook his head, eyes closing, and sighed. “I do know you.”

“What’s going on with the vessels, Cas? Tell me.”

“I’ve answered your second question. You still haven’t answered mine.”

“I want to know about the vessels.”

His head raised and Castiel cocked a brow. “I’m not telling you about the vessels. It’s not your concern.”

“You’ll tell me.”

“Your confidence --”

“Is amazing. I know.” He pointed at Castiel. “You will tell me. You know you will, so why not tell me now instead of later and save both of us the time?”

“Answer my second question, Dean. I’ve answered yours.” Frustration was flickering in Castiel’s eyes.

Dean turned, moved to one bed and sat down, arranging the pillows behind his back before relaxing against them. “Where do I go? I pick a town that’s maybe a half hour away from wherever Sam’s parked and wait a few days before going back to him. He only calls my cell, so he never hears from Lisa that I’m not there.” He clasped his hands behind his head and grinned. “How about those vessels now?”

Castiel was weakening, Dean could see it. He was thinking about the truth of that statement that he’d tell Dean everything. Had to be. It was truth. Dean knew it was. Cas had become used to talking to him, so why not share this with him? “What do you know already?”

“Lucifer had a list of vessels and a kill order out on them. Demons say there’s one empty vessel out there and I think it’s Jimmy since you’re leaving him alone sometimes. Am I right, or am I right?”

“You’re speculation is…correct.”

“Hah!” He slapped a hand on the mattress beside him. “There’s more to it though, isn’t there?”

“Dean….”

“How many regular grade vessels are left total?”

Resignation slid across Castiel’s features so swiftly that Dean almost missed seeing it. “If I tell you, you can’t pursue anything to do with it. You need to leave this alone, Dean.”

“How many?” He wasn’t about to promise anything and they both knew it. They both knew that Dean was going to pursue it no matter what Castiel said because he was curious and when Dean Winchester was curious about something he was as unrelenting as a hellhound.

Castiel licked his lips.

A key rattled in the lock of the motel room door, Dean glancing at it. When he looked back, Castiel was gone.

“Damn,” he muttered. So close and yet so far.

Sam opened the door and stepped inside, juggling takeout bags. “I got --”

“Dude, your timing totally sucks.”

He kicked the door shut with his foot and took the bags to the table. “Thanks. Why?” Sam opened the bags and began pulling out food.

“Cas was here.” Getting up, he went to the table and sorted through the food packages. Tacos, a burrito, and other various Mexican offerings littered the table. “Tell me that burrito’s not for you, because I think the windows are painted shut and the exhaust fan doesn’t work.”

“It’s for you.” He held up a large container. “I got a salad.”

“Oh, thank God.” He sat and began unwrapping the burrito. “Anyway, Cas was here and I got him talking. He was about to tell me about the vessels when you scared him off.”

“Sorry?”

“Yeah, whatever.” He took a bite, chewed and swallowed, then reached for a packet of hot sauce. “Hey, I talked to Lisa earlier. She’s okay with me spending Christmas with you as long as I’m there for New Year’s.”

“Seriously?” Sam opened the lid on the salad, which actually looked good, piled high with meat, cheese, tomatoes, and black olives. “What about Ben? Wouldn’t he like Christmas with you there?”

Dean hesitated. “I’ll send him a few presents. He’ll be happy.” He didn’t glance up to see if Sam was buying it, because if he was Sam he wouldn’t believe a word of it.

“Uh-huh. Yeah. We’ll go shopping on the road, mail it out.” Sam’s voice was skeptical.

“Yeah.” He took too large of a bite so he didn’t have to say anything more.

There was silence for a few long minutes as they ate, and then Sam sighed, putting his plastic utensils down. “How long are you going to keep pretending, Dean?”

“Pretending what?” Now he looked up, expecting to see accusation or anger in Sam’s eyes. Instead, he saw a sadness that lanced through him like a knife. Somehow, sadness was worse than anger.

“I did talk to Lisa. Yesterday while you were buying supplies.”

Dean sat back, his appetite slipping away. “You what?”

“Don’t get pissed, okay? I only called to see if she’d be amenable to having a Christmas meal together, all of us, since I thought you were still with her. I never wanted to get between you two and thought that maybe I could keep some peace with her for your sake. She told me you’d left, Dean. Gave me her side of it, said you’d chosen me and hunting over her and Ben and you shouldn’t ever try to come back. Why didn’t you tell me she threw you out?”

“She didn’t throw me out.”

“Sure what it sounded like.”

“Well, it’s not what happened, okay?” He shoved back his chair and stood, pacing a little. “We argued, I packed, said I’d be back, and left. Then when I did go back, she wasn’t even there. Left me a box with the last of my things. But no, she didn’t throw me out, Sam. She wasn’t even there. That’s how much she cared.” He didn’t want to talk about it and shook his head. “I’m not hungry anymore. You can have it all.”

Sam sat back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, Dr. Phil, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. If you do --”

“I don’t.”

“Fine.” He reached for his fork and knife again. “Then I’m going to finish my dinner and after that, work a little more on finding Jimmy.”

“Fine.” Dean reached for his jacket. “I’m going for a walk.”

He didn’t go far, finding the nearest bench at the park down the street and sitting on it. While it had been thoughtful of Sam to approach Lisa, he hated that she’d told him the truth, meaning both Sam and Lisa knew he’d lied to Sam.

“Oh, damn it all,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Let’s just find Jimmy already and hope he’s got something happy going on.”

He sat in the cold, staring up at the clear night sky until Sam called to tell him he might have a lead.

~~~~~~~~~~

I’m a disobedient, terrible angel, Castiel thought, heading toward Jimmy and Jo’s. The thought didn’t alarm him as much as it once had. Perhaps that in itself should have alarmed him.

He woke Jimmy, who told Jo he was heading out on vessel duty, then waited while Jimmy showered and dressed. He’d ceased to even think about the clothes Jimmy tossed on, having become used to jeans, shorts and t-shirts as opposed to suits and ties. It was mostly thanks to that horrible suit that he’d decided to let the issue go. He had to admit that, sometimes, he fit in better in the locale he took them to than if he’d been wearing the suit.

Once he’d taken Jimmy over, he went to Jo and leaned down, touching her forehead and putting her into a deeper sleep. He adjusted the covers, making certain she was both dressed in something and covered up. The last time he’d come to get Jimmy, both had been naked, and very much engaged in sexual activity.

He went straight to Bobby’s house, sat on Ellen’s bedside, braced himself for her wrath and woke her. She woke with a gasp, her hand snaking beneath her pillow. Castiel calmly reached out and stilled the movement. “It’s only me, Ellen. No need to reach for that gun. It wouldn’t do you any good against me anyway. Not to mention that being unloaded it wouldn’t do you good against anyone.”

“It might not, but the one under the bed would.” She relaxed and pushed up to a sitting position. “What are you doing here at…” her head turned and she squinted at the clock, “one-thirty in the morning?”

“I have a proposition for you.”

Her hand moved, fingers snapping on the bedside light. “What kind of proposition?”

“One you’ll like.”

“Oh, that’s specific. This anything like you telling me to forget my daughter?” She adjusted the covers. “I haven’t forgotten that doozy, nor have I forgiven you for it.”

“I haven’t asked for your forgiveness.”

“Good, ‘cause you’re not getting it.”

He almost smiled. Jo was very much like Ellen he’d noticed. “I can take you to Jo, Ellen, but there are a few conditions attached to the trip.”

There was a hunger that sparked in her eyes. “What kind of conditions?”

“You can make little noise. She’s sleeping and it’s a deep sleep, but she could still waken. You can’t wander about her location. You’ll remain in the one area. And you can’t leave anything there. I will be checking before she wakes. You understand?”

“I can see her?”

“See her, touch her, as long as the touches are light. No trying to wake her or you’ll find yourself back here in a blink.”

She studied him. “Why now? And why did you bring her here?”

“I wasn’t the one who brought her here, Ellen, and I believe it’s time you saw her yourself. A single look won’t harm anything.”

“Then let me get dressed and we’ll go see Jo.”

Ten minutes later, he touched her shoulder and took her to Jo.

~~~~~~~~~~

The location was dark after the light of her room at Bobby’s. Ellen’s eyes needed a moment to adjust. “Cas, where….” Ellen turned and saw Jo asleep on the bed. She gasped, one hand lifting to cover her mouth. Tears came to her eyes.

“You must be quiet, Ellen.”

She went to the bed and knelt, drinking in the sight of Jo peaceful in sleep. Smiling, she gently laid her hand on top of Jo’s, then drew back a fraction as something sharp grazed her palm, squinting at Jo’s hand. In the light that came through the window, she could see the rings on her daughter’s finger. Two of them.

Jo was married.

The idea pleased Ellen and she glanced around the room for some clue as to what Jo’s husband might look like, her gaze skimming past Castiel, focusing for a second on the low, wide dresser. There were framed pictures there. Maybe one of them had him in it.

She returned her attention to Jo, desperately wanting to study those pictures, yet also knowing that Castiel couldn’t realize she was doing that. If he did, he’d likely make her forget what she’d seen.

Jo mumbled, shifting onto her back and kicking the covers off. Her pajama top rode up and Ellen blinked. The pajama pants Jo wore didn’t conceal the tell-tale curve of her belly. Only the fact that she’d been lying on her side with the covers bunched had done that.

Jo was pregnant.

Ellen gently pressed her hand to Jo’s stomach, then pulled her hand back and slowly stood. She stepped back over to Castiel, keeping her back to the bed. She flicked her glance to those pictures over and over, trying to commit them to memory and make out the man in two of them. “She’s pregnant, Cas.”

“Yes. I came to the conclusion that you’d wish to know more detail of her circumstances.” He paused. “And I believe she’d wish you to know.”

“How far along is she?”

“Approximately six months.” He moved towards the bed, staring down at Jo with an odd expression, his attention focused on her.

It was still strange to see him in casual clothes and Ellen remembered what Dean and Sam had said about the angelic vessels. Castiel wasn’t the one picking out his clothes. He wore whatever his vessel put on. What was the man’s name again? Dean and Sam had said it.

Ellen took a slow cautious step towards the dresser, close enough to see that the photos were wedding photos, but she really needed more light to see details unless she leaned down. She turned her gaze to Castiel.

His attention was still on Jo. He bent a little, hands adjusting the covers so that she was covered once more. It was an almost tender movement that seemed odd coming from him.

Screw it, Ellen thought. If he caught her, he caught her. She’d just have to pay the price for her curiosity.

Leaning in close, she studied the framed pictures. The couple in the first one had identical expressions of uncertainty and it was one of those posed pictures where the photographer caught the couple before they were fully ready. Jo was a beautiful bride, but then Ellen had always known she would be.

Her groom?

Castiel’s vessel.

Ellen’s lips parted. Jimmy. His name was Jimmy. Jimmy Novak.

Excitement flitted through Ellen at the discovery and she eagerly memorized the details of the photos before straightening and turning back to Castiel. “Thank you for this, Cas. I’m ready to go back now.”

He turned his head to look at her, his expression blank before surprise flickered in his eyes. “You can stay awhile longer, Ellen. I’ve put Jo into a deeper sleep. She won’t wake yet. Sit with her for awhile.”

“No, I have what I need. What I want is irrelevant, remember?” She quirked a brow at him.

He looked taken aback by her sharp tone. “Ellen.”

“Take me back now.”

Without further words, he did as she requested, leaving her at Bobby’s. She could imagine him taking his vessel, Jimmy, back to the house and leaving him there, then heading off to places unknown without a vessel, while Jimmy got ready for bed and climbed in beside Jo.

What had happened to the family Dean and Sam had said he’d had? Had they been killed? Did he look at Jo, with her pregnant belly, and have a bittersweet memory of that past? Did he treasure her? Even love her?

She was going to find out all of those things.

Ellen went to bed for a couple hours, a catnap more than anything else, then got up, booting up the computer and deliberately making enough noise to wake Bobby. He was a grouch when he hadn’t had enough sleep. He’d wake up fast enough though when he heard what she had to say. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down.

Bobby shuffled into the room. “Are you out of your damn mind, woman? It’s four in the morning.”

“It’s not four, it’s four-thirty. Rise and shine, Bobby. I’ve got a hot lead on Jo. You could say it flew to me.”

He tightened the sash of his robe. “What are you babbling about?”

“Castiel stopped by while you were getting your beauty rest. He took me to see Jo.”

“He just up and took you?” His eyes narrowed. “Just like that?”

“Yeah. She was asleep the entire time. Still, I learned some important facts.”

Pulling out a chair, he sat down. “Such as?”

“She’s married...” Her brows rose.

“That’d be the name change Cas mentioned.”

“…and she’s pregnant.”

“Heaven help us. Jo with a kid. That’s something I didn’t expect to hear.”

Her grin was crooked and she put her elbow on the table, then rested her chin on the palm of her hand. “Take a wild guess who her husband and the father of that baby is.”

Bobby shrugged. “Well, we know it’s not Dean or Sam. Who else is there that she’d shack up with, since you say that like I should know the guy.”

“You sure you’re ready for this, Bobby?”

“Lay it on me already.”

“Castiel’s vessel, Jimmy Novak.”

The news succeeded in stunning Bobby to silence for long minutes. He cleared his throat. “They were right about the vessels then. That means….” His sigh was followed by a long groan. “Oh, hell. She went from the frying pan to the fire. If the demons find out she’s got a bun in the oven that’s the kid of a vessel --”

“Get calling, Bobby. See if Sam and Dean have a lead on Jimmy. We’ve got to find Jo fast before some enterprising demon does. No ugly ass hellspawn is going to harm my daughter and grandkid if I can help it.”

She turned her attention to the computer, typing as fast as she could and praying that they’d find Jo before a demon did.