Title: That Old Illusion of Free Will
Chapter: Two
Notes: “Lighten up, Frances” is from the movie Stripes.
~~~~~~~~~~
For weeks, Jo’s dreams at night had been a sensual whirl that left her restless upon waking. Once, her dreams had been filled by Dean’s presence and, truth be told, occasionally Sam’s presence instead. Now, inexplicably, she dreamed about Castiel, nightly dreams that baffled her because she couldn’t recall being sexually attracted to him. She couldn’t really recall noticing him physically except in a general way. When they’d been introduced, she’d filed him away as ‘Cas the angel, Dean and Sam’s friend’. Jo hadn’t thought about him in a sexual way at all. Yet in her dreams, she couldn’t get enough of him and he was hardly the inexperienced, naïve angel she’d briefly known.
In fact, and she shuddered to realize this, her dream Castiel reminded her of Gabriel in some ways. He had a way of looking at her that made her feel unsettled. Gabriel did that in a not so good way and her dream Cas in a very good way. In her dreams, she wanted to shove him onto the nearest semi-flat surface and have at him.
Despite awareness of that resemblance to Gabriel, her dreams didn’t stop, they intensified. She’d wake up to take cold showers every morning, wondering all the while why her mind had latched on to Cas. Was it because he wasn’t there? Maybe because he wouldn’t act like that? Or did she really have latent sexual desire for him? It was confusing as hell.
Jo tossed down a shot, barely tasting the liquor anymore as she swallowed.
Maybe she just needed a man. A little stud service.
Easier said than done.
Perhaps she was being too picky, because none of the men who’d hit on her since she’d been here had appealed at all. They were all too…too…. Jo tapped her fingers against the bar to the beat of the music that was playing. They were too normal. That was the word she was looking for. She couldn’t have normal in her world. The hunting world would scare the crap out of those normal men she’d met. It was one thing for a man to be crying for his mother on the inside and another entirely for him to do it out loud during a job. It wasn’t that Jo particularly cared about the whole ‘mommy cry’ thing. What she cared about was that the job got done and none of the men she’d met would fit in her world anymore than she’d fit into theirs.
With a sigh, she motioned for another shot and tossed a few more bills on the bar, pondering all of that as she attempted to drink herself into forgetfulness of her current situation. To her surprise, the object of her nocturnal unconscious fantasies appeared beside her. He wasn’t nearly as appealing at present with a cool, disapproving stare in place. Jo decided she almost preferred her dream Cas. At least he smiled. He did more than smile and not just the sexual things. In her dreams he was exactly what she wanted in a man.
Her tongue slipped out to wet her lips as she looked at him. He needed to loosen up. Maybe she could help him with that and purge those dreams from her system at the same time. She nodded a little to herself, warming to the idea. Sure, she’d shied away from casual hook-ups in the past, but maybe just this once, she could make an exception. After all, it was Cas.
He’d be perfect. After all, he knew all about hunting and, as far as she knew, had never made any sort of ‘mommy cry’. Or would it be ‘daddy cry’ in his case?
~~~~~~~~~~
He was shocked to find Jo drunk in a way that would have made Dean proud. She was swaying a little on the barstool.
“You’re drunk.” Castiel peered at her. It was unusual for Jo to get drunk. While she liked a drink on weekends, and he recalled her slightly tipsy at Bobby’s, she didn’t get drunk. She’d had one bad experience with intoxication and promised herself she wouldn’t do it again. He remembered that. He remembered very clearly her graphic description of having one’s stomach pumped. Although, Dean had helped her embellish the description, so perhaps they’d been putting him on? “How many of those drinks have you had?” Cas could read her mind and discover the number, but as Dean had repeatedly drilled to him, that was impolite and unfair.
Jo turned on the stool, pushed her hair from her face with two fingers and fixed a pointed stare at him. She’d had enough alcohol that her expression was sleepy, gaze slightly unfocused. After a moment, her lips parted and brows raised in expectation.
“You’re…thinking a number at me, aren’t you?” It was a logical guess.
“Sure am.” Her lips curved in a grin. “Read my mind, big boy.” She shrugged her brows in a way he suspected she thought was alluring. What it actually was was…drunk and not appealing.
He listened, then reached out and snagged her glass, setting it aside. “You’ve had more than enough to induce a painful hangover in the morning. You’ll regret the number of drinks you’ve partaken.”
“Very good.” She leaned over, grasping the lapels of his coat and nearly pulling him off balance. She wobbled on the barstool, leaning over far to the left. Castiel caught her and gently righted her. Jo’s glance slid down him and back up with more than a slight lascivious gleam. “Now I’m thinking of another number. It’s a good number. It’s a fun number. Guess what that one is? I’ll give you a hint. It’s two numbers. It has a six in it and a--”
His eyes widened as the full naughtiness of her thoughts became clear. His face flared with heat and he cast a quick glance at Gabriel, hoping he wasn’t listening. “You shouldn’t be entertaining such fantasies about me, Jo.”
“Why not? You really are kind of cute when you’re not frowning and all serious.” One hand raised, fingers sliding through his hair as she leaned closer. Castiel could smell the alcohol on her breath. “I thought you were learning all about the human existence. I could help with that.”
“My circumstances have changed. I’m an angel again.” He removed her hand from his hair, but she tugged it away and began sliding it across his chest.
“So? Doesn’t seem to bother Gabriel.” She began to loosen his tie. “He’s got female visitors all the time. Lighten up, Frances.”
Who was Frances, he wondered, grasping her hand and trying to keep her from removing the tie. She reached for the buttons on his shirt with her other hand, managing to slip two free before he caught that hand too. “Yes, well, Gabriel is in a class all his own. He’s different.” That was one way of putting it, Castiel supposed. If there was any angel ever who’d grown to love and embrace humanity on all levels, it was Gabriel.
Jo froze, her amorous bent fading. “No, what he is is a pain in the ass,” she told him, then shoved him away, “and so are you. What are you doing here?”
“I was instructed to come here.”
She reached for the glass he’d taken. Cas made it disappear and earned a disgruntled glare from her for it. “Fine,” she snapped. “You’re here. Why are you here? And how long have I been here? What year is it?”
What year? That was an odd question. Surely she knew what year it was? He turned a suspicious stare onto Gabriel, who had made a bowl of popcorn materialize and was tossing pieces of it up and catching them with his mouth. His innocent expression added to Castiel’s suspicions. “You’ve been in this location a year and a half. Approximately.”
Whirling, and nearly falling over in the process, she jabbed a finger at Gabriel. “I knew it! Joker over there keeps making it July seventeenth of 2010. Every damn day is July seventeenth. Why that day? Why so many days of them? What was the freakin’ point of -- ”
Seeing she was on her way to becoming excessively agitated, he touched two fingers to her forehead and made her sleep, carefully leaning her against the bar, her head on her arms. A time loop. That was why it felt different here. He should have known. Time loops were another of Gabriel’s favorite things. “Gabriel.”
“What? I had to do something for amusement in this place because there’s little else available to me. It was funny. Just because she didn’t get the humor of it --”
Snapping his fingers like Gabriel did, he took all three of them from that time loop, pleased when it was successful and he could feel time flowing free like it should. He almost smiled from the accomplishment. There were many things Castiel had discovered he now had the power to do not only better, but faster than before, and things he could do that he hadn’t previously been able to do. Playing around with the time stream was one of them apparently.
Gabriel’s smirk faded and he sat up very straight, eyes narrowing. The popcorn bowl disappeared. “He really powered you up. Welcome to the heavyweight class, bro.”
“Thank you. Would you resist meddling with time as much as possible?”
“You just did it. Feels good, doesn’t it? Fixing things with a snap is exhilarating.”
“I simply undid the loop. You were the one messing with time. It should move forward properly now.”
“It will, but there are two of you in this time now. You’ll have to throw yourself forward to avoid meeting yourself.”
Castiel shrugged. “It’s a minor irritation.”
“It is at that -- in the power class you’re now at. Congratulations on the promotion. You got Mike’s job?”
“Not exactly, Gabriel. I simply seem to be holding all of the cards at present.”
“Well, good for you. Why don’t you just set Jimmy down anywhere here and run back up to give out a few spankings?” He made a gesture with one hand. “I’ll make sure they’re both taken care of.”
He sat on the barstool beside Jo, ignoring the spanking remark. If he let Gabriel’s digs get to him, he’d never get anything done. “Just remember, she should say yes and so should Jimmy. Be gentle in the telling.”
Gabriel made a clicking noise with his tongue, snapped his fingers and pointed his index fingers at Castiel. “Gotcha.”
“I mean it. You can’t do this just any way. It’s a delicate matter --”
Gabriel’s eyes widened and his mouth opened, a scoffing noise slipping from his lips as he gestured to himself. “Hey! It’s me, Castiel. I know what I’m doing here. I have done the whole ‘announce to the couple the big news’ thing before. I think I know better than some hot-shot, just promoted whippersnapper how to do this. I do have my methods and they’ve been tested many, many times. If I may say so myself, I am still the master at this job.”
“You’re the only one who’s had the job,” Castiel pointed out.
“Which merely means I’m undisputed in mastery. Get on out of here. I know you’re busy. Leave Jimmy right there. Set him next to Jo.” Gabriel’s tone was bordering on condescending. “Have I done wrong by Jo Harvelle so far? Sure, maybe I messed with time a little, but she’s healthy. She’s got a good life here. Jimmy will too. Leave them both to me.”
It was with terrible misgiving that Castiel left Jimmy there with Gabriel and returned to heaven.
~~~~~~~~~~
Gabriel waited until Castiel was gone before going to the two at the bar. Jo was still asleep. He noted that Castiel had been correct. She was going to have a terrible hangover in the morning. Sliding a finger along her forehead and brushing her hair from her face, he took the hangover and most of the effects of the alcohol she’d ingested away. Really, when she was asleep she was utterly delightful. He almost found her attractive when she slept.
He turned his attention to Jimmy, who’d begun to stir. While it had been centuries since Gabriel had dealt with his own empty vessel, he did remember waking him to tell him his family line had ended, his last descendant killed fighting a war. Gabriel hadn’t given him the option Jimmy had because, hey, he needed his vessel, but he could imagine how Jimmy was going to be feeling. All the better to get the party going, keep his mind off the past and centered on his future.
The sooner Jimmy got intimately acquainted with Jo the better. He needed to begin connecting with her and, while it wouldn’t make him forget Amelia, he’d see that he could move on. He wasn’t going to forget Amelia. She’d always be there in his memories, a part of him from before.
Putting a hand on Jo’s back and one on Jimmy’s shoulder, he ignored Castiel’s overly fussy instructions. It was a simple thing to make them think they’d met a couple months earlier and hit it off. Suppressing Jimmy’s stance on pre-marital sex was a far more difficult matter. He was particularly stubborn on the subject. Jimmy’s mind fought him on it, but Gabriel was patient, pushing through his resistance. Next he suppressed Jo’s reluctance for casual sex and gave both of them the impression they’d been at a triple X rating for over a month.
Gabriel tweaked it a bit more as they began to stir, whispering a blatant suggestion that they hurry back to Jo’s apartment for some passionate and wholly out-of-control love in the evening.
There.
He smiled a little as they woke and left together.
All taken care of. Castiel worries too much.
However, just to be sure events were progressing properly, he did look in on them a couple times before settling down on Jo’s couch with several newspapers.
~~~~~~~~~~
The walk back to her apartment went quickly and in something of a haze. Jo didn’t really notice their surroundings. All she noticed was Jimmy’s hand in hers and how she couldn’t wait until his hands were on her bare skin.
She let them in and pushed on into the living room. Halfway across the living room, Jo paused and turned to face him. She watched as he shut the door, then carefully locked it. There was desire for him growing inside her, yet mingling with it was the oddest sensation that they were strangers. It was ridiculous, of course, because she had many memories of being with him.
Jo knew things about him, like how he was a widower who’d loved both his wife and daughter very much. She knew he liked cooking, eighties comedies, hard science fiction, and spending lazy Saturday afternoons watching tv. He liked his steak medium and given a choice, he’d rather eat beef than any other meat. He was sweet and kind, yet had a bit of temper -- not that it had been loosed at her. She knew he was sad about the life he’d once had and that it still pained him some days that it was gone. And then there was the whole angelic vessel thing.
For a brief second, she wondered where Castiel was, but that thought slid away before it could turn into a longer musing upon his absence.
She knew Jimmy, or was in the process of getting to know him.
So this sensation of him being a stranger was bizarre.
He shrugged off his coat and set it aside, then came to her, leaning down as she raised up to meet him. His lips were almost hesitant against hers, quickly warming to the kiss, deepening it. Slowly, they maneuvered down the hall and into her bedroom, mouths locked together, hands divesting one another of their clothes.
She couldn’t think of why he was wearing a suit. Job interview maybe? Did it really matter? That thought, like the one on Castiel’s whereabouts, flitted away and disappeared.
Every kiss, every touch felt a little awkward and shy, as though he was feeling the same and wasn’t quite sure how she’d respond. Not that it stopped them. Quite the contrary. Jo decided she was enjoying herself more than she had in a very long time.
She let herself fall into sensation.
~~~~~~~~~~
He didn’t trust Gabriel, though Castiel knew he was supposed to. Gabriel had been an ally. A reluctant ally, yet an ally just the same. Still, he knew very well that Gabriel would do whatever he felt like doing and not necessarily what Cas told him to. Gabriel had a tendency to be a law unto himself.
Anyone who thought angels didn’t have a free will merely had to study Gabriel for five minutes.
So he slipped back down as soon as he’d checked progress with each of the new department heads he’d appointed, pretending he merely wanted to sweep across the earth and see how it, and the people, were doing. While his brethren thought that concern strange, they didn’t say anything when he left on his trips.
He really did travel across the globe peering down at the earth, careful not to fly too low as he made his way back to that location where he’d left Jimmy.
It was a good thing he was suspicious, for he found Gabriel lounging on Jo’s couch reading a newspaper. From behind her closed bedroom door came the pleasured noises of humans engaged in sexual activity. Vigorous activity, he realized, as there was a loud banging that was probably the headboard of the bed against the wall.
He thought he’d been clear enough in the instructions. He thought he’d made it very clear to Gabriel what needed to happen and how.
“Do you ever listen,” he asked in the mildest tone he could manage with annoyance crawling up and down him. He tried to be careful with the volume of his voice, so as not to hurt Jo in the next room.
“Were you talking to me? I wasn’t listening.”
“Did she say yes?”
“Sure.”
“Did Jimmy?”
“What man wouldn’t say yes to that body? She’s developed a nice rack on her, did you notice?” He shook the paper. “You can talk feely, by the way. I soundproofed the apartment and the bedroom. Had a feeling you’d be back.”
“How did you tell them what was required of them?” There was no answer. “How did you get Jimmy to by-pass his stance on pre-marital relations? For that matter, how did you convince Jo to have relations with a man she barely knows?”
“You’re worrying too much, Castiel. They’re where they need to be.”
Castiel decided he wasn’t worrying enough. Gabriel could make this situation very bad if he didn’t stop messing around. This needed to be fixed.
~~~~~~~~~~
That Castiel had returned after only a few hours away wasn’t a surprise to Gabriel. Was it the promotion that had Castiel in a tizzy or was he always like this? He couldn’t remember.
“Gabriel.”
“What?” He didn’t bother looking up from the newspaper.
“You can’t do that.”
“Do what?” He knew exactly what the ‘that’ was that Cas referred to. It was easy to cut through the red tape and go straight to the objective with humans. A little tinkering with their memories and they’d do whatever was necessary. He’d meant it when he’d told Castiel that they’d have Jo knocked up in no time.
“You know what. Mess with their memories and make them think they know each other well enough for sexual relations.”
“Why not?” He closed the paper and set it aside. “It achieves the objective. When I peeked in a bit ago, Jimmy was just a-going at her like he hasn’t had sex in years.” Gabriel paused. “Wait. He hasn’t had sex in years now. You didn’t like to have any fun. And Jo was giving back as good as he was giving it to her. What’s the problem? They’re enjoying themselves --”
“They have to agree to it. They both have to say that, yes they’ll join together and work towards keeping the vessel line going. Not only that, but their memories cannot be altered. They must be fully cognizant of their situations and choose that path. It has to be voluntary!”
His good mood took a turn for the worse as Castiel’s words sunk in. Those sort of agreements were unpredictable. It was hard to know how they’d react when left to themselves. “One of those fully free will agreements.” That was the reason for Castiel’s manner. One wrong step from either of them towards Jimmy and Jo and neither would even entertain thoughts of agreement.
“I believe I told you that.”
Gabriel slipped away, forcing Jimmy and Jo into sleep, though they needed no outside inducement for that. They’d worn each other out and were now cuddled together, nearly to sleep already. It seemed wrong to pull them apart, but he did, cleaning up the mental and physical evidence of their time together and putting them in separate apartments. Before leaving, he made sure they were in what passed for nightclothes for the both of them. They’d wake in the morning and be none the wiser. He left them with the parting gift of thinking their time together was just a very real dream.
“There,” he told Castiel as he reappeared, “all better.”
“You erased their memories?”
“And the physical evidence. You can check if you don’t believe me.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I don’t get why it has to be free will.” He snorted. There was no reason he could think of, unless there was as yet something he didn’t know, which he had to admit was a definite possibility. Maybe it had to do with their personalities? “John and Mary had no choice.”
“Don’t be dense.”
“Just sayin’. They got shot all full of Cupid’s love juice and that was an important vessel line. It’s historical fact.”
“This one must be voluntary, a decision based upon all facts.”
He rolled his eyes. “Why?”
“Joshua says God wants it that way. You can’t mess with them. Just do what you can to aid them otherwise.”
“Aid them otherwise.” He loosed another snort. “It won’t work. She’s a pain in the ass.”
“The feeling appears to be mutual and you mentioned that already.”
“Because it’s true. She’s not going to agree if left to her own devices.”
“She’ll agree eventually, once she’s finished being stubborn.”
“And you know this how?”
He was quiet a moment. “Because deep down, Jo Harvelle understands the correlation between duty and the good of humanity as well as Dean Winchester. She’ll do it. She’ll simply need awhile to reach the point of understanding that she has to for the greater good. She’ll do it for humanity, for herself, and…she’ll do it for Jimmy.”
“You’re optimism is almost blinding.”
“I have to believe in the positive. The alternative wouldn’t be good for me or Jimmy. Jo Harvelle has always wanted to help people, Gabriel. Doing this will help the world and it’ll help Jimmy have a fresh start, a life he’ll have to forfeit again if she refuses. She’ll see it. Eventually.” After a moment, Castiel sighed, a tired sound. “Can I trust you to do what you’re supposed to this time?”
Gabriel nodded. “Sure.” Maybe he’d arrange a few romantic dinners or something for them, push them a little without being too obvious. After Castiel left, Gabriel turned his attention to planning how he was going to get them together. He’d give them some time to get to know each other and then he’d press for a decision.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Jimmy, wake up.
Castiel’s voice intruded on Jimmy’s slumbers, insistent and loud.
I need you to wake up now, Jimmy.
Groaning, he let himself wake from dreams that were more pleasant than he’d had in a very long time. He’d been dreaming of a woman with long blond hair and sleek limbs…. He opened his eyes, surprised to find that he really opened them. He was back in control of his body and Castiel was once more that voice only he could hear. “What?”
I’ll have little need of a physical body for awhile. I’m leaving you here. You recall our agreement? You’ll be safe. Gabriel is keeping watch over the city.
If he remembered correctly, that didn’t necessarily mean he’d be safe.
He heard a chuckle. You remember correctly, but…you’re special, Jimmy. He knows that. He’ll make sure you have everything you need.
“When will you need me again?” It seemed a good question to ask. Jimmy sat up and studied his surroundings. He appeared to be in an apartment, in a bed. As he tossed the covers aside, he noticed that Castiel had changed his clothes. He wore a t-shirt and pajama pants, the suit tossed over a chair. Frankly, he was glad to be wearing something other than that suit. Jimmy thought he might burn it when he had a chance, but no way was he ever putting that thing on again. Not willingly, anyway.
Not for awhile.
“Awhile,” he repeated and rolled his eyes. The angel method of counting time drove him nuts. They liked to use words and phrases like ‘awhile’, ‘soon’, ‘directly’, and ‘in time’. Nothing specific for them that he could count.
I say ‘awhile’ not to avoid being specific, but rather because I don’t know how long it’ll be before I need you. Heaven’s a mess, Jimmy. I’ve got to take care of it and it’s something I can do without you.
“Thanks, I guess. What happened to me not aging or dying and all that jazz while you zip around the world in me?”
There’s been a change of plans.
“What are the plans, Cas? Mind filling me in?”
Castiel was gone without giving the explanation Jimmy wanted, leaving Jimmy fully alone for the first time in years. He sighed and glanced heavenward. “You may not be the typical angel, Castiel, but sometimes you are typical.”
He laid back down, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe it was a side effect from being a vessel for as long as he had, but he felt weird. He felt like there was something he should be remembering, yet couldn’t, leaving him feeling disjointed and off-kilter. Jimmy put an arm under his head.
Those were some dreams he’d woken from, the sensations almost real. If he concentrated, he could nearly feel the woman’s long hair on his skin, her hands on his back, and her mouth against his. With a little smile, he wondered if that was a side effect as well. The last time he’d been with a woman had been at home with Amelia, before he’d left.
His smile faded.
Getting up from the bed, he stretched, enjoying the sensation of being the only one in his body. It was a nice feeling. His stomach growled. First, to take a quick look around the apartment, then to eat.
His apartment was three rooms, four counting the bathroom: a bedroom, one decent-sized living room and a kitchen, decorated in blues. There wasn’t much furniture, but it had what he needed. Bed, dresser and chair in the bedroom, and couch, coffee table and tv in the living room. The kitchen was perfect for cooking and Jimmy looked forward to doing that again. He’d missed chopping ingredients and putting them together into something palatable. He wondered if he’d have someone to cook for. It’d be nice if he did.
Jimmy placed his hands on the counter, leaned against it, and bowed his head. He missed Amelia and Claire and while he no longer cried when he thought of them, he knew he had a long way left to go in the grief process. Recovering from losing them wasn’t going to be quick. It was going to take time and even though he’d had time, it was non-corporeal. He’d grieved, but it hadn’t had the same weight to him as it did when he was in control of his body. Was it going to be like this? Would he have thoughts of them just pop up?
He closed his eyes, let out a slow breath and went to assess the food situation.
In the fridge, he found all of the ingredients he needed for an omelet and set about cooking. It pleased him to dice onion and peppers, then slice mushrooms and ham, and smell it all cooking together. He made toast to go with it and drank half a pot of coffee while he ate, savoring the flavors. The last time he’d eaten had been…. Jimmy couldn’t really remember.
So, what did he do now? Castiel hadn’t exactly given him any idea what he was supposed to do. Did he have a job to go to? Money to live on? Or had he just been plunked down here with nothing but a well-stocked apartment and some clothes? He had found his wallet and some papers that looked to be a rent agreement, along with a set of keys and a cell phone. The phone was actually Castiel’s. There were only four numbers he’d used. The contact list confirmed those numbers to be Dean, Sam, and Bobby’s. Well, now Jimmy supposed that phone was his, unless Castiel came back for it. There was money in his wallet and a quick call confirmed the credit and debit cards were indeed his.
Interesting. He had a debit card. Maybe somewhere here he’d find a checkbook. Jimmy decided to look later.
He took a shower, lingering under the warm spray, trying to remember the last time he’d had a shower. It was too long ago to remember. He had a lot of those since letting Castiel in again. Jimmy took his time in the bathroom and in getting dressed, pleased to find that some of the clothes appeared to really be his -- t-shirts he remembered having, and other items. He even shaved, getting rid of that stubble Castiel hadn’t bothered to take care of. It was a routine he hadn’t gone through in a very long time (yet another) and one he took comfort in. It was normal.
It felt nice to have a normal moment, even if he knew it was fleeting. What else could normal be for him now except fleeting.
He wondered if there was a paper outside and if there was, perhaps he’d read it before heading out to explore wherever he’d ended up. In minutes, Jimmy’d planned an entire day. It was best to do something, anything, rather than sit here and brood about a life he couldn’t go back to.
He opened his door at the same time the door across the hall opened. A young woman stepped out and bent, picking up the paper on the floor. She stood, paper in hand, looking over at him.
“Cas,” she asked, head cocking a little to the left. Her blond hair was long and loose, her jeans and t-shirt snug against her curves. He noticed that her toenails were painted bright red.
“No, Castiel isn’t here.”
“Oh.” She seemed somewhat disappointed by that, her brow furrowing in a frown. “You’re…um…”
“I’m Jimmy. I’m….” She looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite place her. Did she know about angels, demons, and what Cas was? He knew he’d seen her before.
“You’re his vessel,” she finished for him, understanding in her dark eyes. “Is he gone for good?”
“No.” Jimmy picked up his own paper and tossed it carelessly inside his apartment, not caring where it landed. “He’ll be back. He just can’t tell me when.”
She snorted. “That’s typical. They never like to give a timeframe. I’m Jo. Jo Harvelle.” She stepped forward, holding out a hand.
His glance fell to the press of her breasts against her tight t-shirt and he swallowed hard, taking her hand in his and shaking it. He could smell a light floral perfume that brought to mind those dreams he’d woken from. “Hi Jo. I think I do remember you a little. You --”
“Died.” Her voice was blunt, as thought it was some dry historical fact. “I’m supposed to be dead. Hellhound.”
Quite a conversational opener, but no stranger than what he could say. “Me too. Shot, stabbed, blown up -- twice. Not to mention some of the other ways Castiel got us injured.”
“At least he patched you up.”
“He did, though none of it was very pleasant at the time.”
“It never is.” Her smile was soft. “If you ever want to get a drink later and talk about it, I’m here. I’m usually here. We can swap stories.” She extricated her hand from his. “I’ll see you later, Jimmy. It was nice meeting you.”
He watched her walk back across the hall and into her apartment, enjoying the sway of her hips in tight denim. Jimmy smiled a little and stepped into his apartment, closing the door. Maybe he’d take her up on that.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ellen Harvelle hated being a houseguest. While she’d never minded putting people up herself, she hated being a guest, which meant this extended stay with Bobby was already getting under her skin. At least she was strong enough now to do some things for herself. Ellen thought she’d be mighty embarrassed if she’d needed Bobby to help her bathe. She sat on the bed and plucked at the t-shirt she had on. She’d been wearing the same things over and over: the set of scrubs she’d left the hospital in, and the pajamas Bobby’d grabbed from a chain store for her. So far, she hadn’t been up to the whole drama of trying on clothes in her condition, though she decided it was getting high time she ventured out to do that.
“Hey, Bobby, do you still have our things upstairs?” Ellen hoped he’d say yes. She’d love to put on at least a shirt of her own, despite knowing it’d be big on her. Or that flannel that had been Bill’s. Besides, she wanted to hold something of Jo’s and feel like her daughter was close.
“They should be up there. I didn’t move them.” He looked at her, then at the wheelchair beside the bed. “Want me to check?”
Ellen rolled her eyes. “No, I want you to stand there staring at me. Of course I want you to check.”
“Ain’t no need to get testy, Ellen.” He came over to her. “You want me to go or do you want to go yourself?”
“I can’t go.”
“You sure as hell can if I help you up there.” His tone was challenging.
She stared up at him for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay. Get me up there. I don’t care how.”
After much cursing and muttering on both their counts, he’d helped her into that upstairs room. She noticed at a glance that Jo’s belongings were gone. “Did she leave them in that other room?”
Though Ellen asked, she knew Jo hadn’t. She’d put her bags beside Ellen’s with a roll of her eyes and no comment. Jo had known that Ellen liked to visually count their bags and do a final tour of wherever they were to make sure all had been packed. Those bags should be there.
“Let me check.” He was back in a minute. “Bed is still as she left it, but no bags. They were here, El. After Carthage….” He shrugged. “Hell, I didn’t know what to do with any of it.”
“I know.” She did, too. A few times at the Roadhouse she’d been left with the scant belongings of a hunter or two. She hadn’t felt right about tossing those belongings away, so they’d ended up in her storage unit.
“Maybe Dean….?”
He was trying to give her hope and she shook her head. “You’re sweet sometimes, Bobby, but while Dean cared about Jo, he didn’t love her. You know that as well as I do. He didn’t take her things with him.”
At first, when Dean and Sam had walked into the Roadhouse, she’d been against the thought of Jo and a hunter together. Yet as she’d grown to know Dean, she’d thought it’d be right fine to someday call him ‘son’ and have it be proper. She’d hoped for Dean and Jo together, a hope that had never become a reality.
Dean hadn’t loved Jo. Nor had Jo loved Dean.
“Then where are they?”
She hoped that Jo had something good in store for her now: a good life, a good man maybe; one who’d love her the way she should be loved. Maybe even a life that had nothing to do with hunting. The man in the hospital had said Ellen would see Jo again when the time was right. She prayed that meant here on earth and not in heaven.
Where were Jo’s things? If Jo was alive, they were probably with her.
Ellen sighed. “I need to tell you something.”
“You need to tell me something?” He sat beside her on the bed he’d helped her to. “What kind of something do you have to tell and why didn’t you mention it earlier?”
“I’d like your promise you’re not going to get all upset.”
“When a conversation starts with words like those, it’s already too late. Talk.”
She smoothed the sheet by her hip. “It’s about Jo.”
“What about her?” His tone was cautious and when Ellen glanced at him, he was watching her closely and with a guarded expression.
“Jesus, Bobby, you look like I’m about to tell you she’s a demon or made a deal with one.”
There was a shifting in his eyes that was almost guilty. “Well?”
“She’s not, as far as I know. Thing is, the man in the hospital said she’s alive. He said she’s somewhere safe, so I suspect her things are there with her.”
He muttered under his breath. “Doesn’t anybody stay dead anymore?”
“That’s a nice comment.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, you, me, Dean, Cas…we’re all on borrowed time. We should all be dead and now Jo’s risen up too? Heaven help us.”
“I think heaven’s the problem,” she responded dryly.
He shook his head. “If she’s alive, we’ll find her.” He got up. “We’ll start right now. You ready to go back down?”
Bobby was true to his word. They began searching for Jo later that afternoon.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Jimmy?”
He unlocked his door and opened it, then turned. “Yeah?”
Jo slid her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. “It doesn’t bother you, does it? The angel stuff, I mean.” The angel stuff was about the only topic they hadn’t touched on in the past week. They’d discussed childhoods, adult life choices, likes, dislikes, and many opinions on the freaky things in the world, but not the angel issue. They’d slid around that topic as though it was forbidden.
His lips parted and for a second, he seemed sad, but then he took a long breath. “Why don’t you come in? This…it could take awhile.”
She stepped into his apartment. It was different from hers, the kitchen bigger and the living room smaller. She went to the kitchen counter and sat at one of the barstools on the end.
“Like a beer,” he asked, rounding the counter and going to the fridge. He got two cans from the fridge and came back to her, opening both cans and giving her one. He sat on the stool beside her and grinned. “It’s nice to have one when I watch the news.” The grin faded. “You asked about angels. First, you have to understand that even angels that truly like or love us still consider us pawns to be moved about at will. They’re always surprised when we don’t do what they want us to or don’t do what they think we should.”
“Even Cas?”
“Even Castiel. Not as much as he used to, but it’s still there. I’ll be the first to admit that he’s among the best of them. He’s got a long way to go, though, as do they all.” He ducked his head. “There’s a certain arrogance in all of them.”
“Gabriel,” she said and snorted. He was a prime example. He really did expect them to do what he wanted them to. Speaking of Gabriel, she wondered where he’d been the past week.
“Yeah, he’s a little arrogant, but Jo, he’s an archangel. Highest of the high, best of the best and all that.”
“Still. No reason to be a sarcastic dick.”
“It does bother me. Showing it won’t accomplish anything. I’m resigned to Castiel and being a vessel. I’m resigned to being set on a hidden shelf for safety when I’m not doing vessel duty.”
He said it like he was referring to weekend-only military duty or something. Almost casual.
“As for anything else….” He shrugged. “I’ll take it as it comes.” He took a drink and turned a little. “Not to change the subject, but do you…I mean would you like to have dinner tonight?”
“Sure, I’ll get my jacket.” She started to slide from the stool, but he shook his head.
“No, I thought maybe I could cook for you instead of going out.”
Jo paused, studying him. He looked nervous, glance darting to her, then into the kitchen as he raised his beer and drank. “You cook.”
“I like to cook,” he admitted.
“You mean really cook, as in slicing, dicing, sautéing, braising, and even grilling on occasion?” Ellen may not have been a fancy cook, but she’d known how to do all of that and made sure Jo knew too -- just in case. When she’d thought Jo would need those culinary skills baffled her.
“I do mean all of that. I wanted to learn, so I learned.” He glanced at her. “It’s a great way to impress women.”
“Why Jimmy, I didn’t expect that of you,” Jo teased.
“Hope that’s a good thing.”
“I like a man who knows his way around a kitchen.” As she said the words, Jo realized how they sounded -- like she was about to hit on him.
“I know my way around a kitchen, Jo.”
She smiled. “Cook for me, Jimmy.”
He hadn’t exaggerated she discovered. It was fun to watch him cook, moving from fridge to stove to counter and sink. He didn’t expect her to do anything except talk with him, so she did. They talked while he cooked, talked while they ate and cleaned up, and talked over drinks on his couch. The subjects had grown light as the evening went on and in a few seconds her gaze met Jimmy’s in shared amusement, Jo had a heart-pounding, sweating revelation: it was Jimmy she’d been having intense erotic dreams about, not Castiel.
The awareness and personality in her dream lover’s eyes was all Jimmy. Castiel was still too innocent of nuance to look at her with a gaze indicating he knew exactly what he wanted and how. She thought Cas would have more than a little uncertainty and even confusion. But Jimmy…. He was a grown man.
How could she have been dreaming about him before they’d even properly met?
Jo bit her lip and didn’t look away, entertaining the idea that she was attracted to him. Finding the idea appealing, she glanced down at her drink, then away. He’d probably noted her interest.
How long until he acted?
Or maybe she’d take the lead.
