Title: Nothing and Everything

Chapter 33

~~~~~~~~~~

The house had been relatively quiet since Jo and Gwen had left on a job, a rare paying one at that. It had come from a friend of Ellen’s and Jo and Gwen had jumped at a chance to head for New York for a few days. Sam had spent the time checking over the supplies in the panic room and trying to get Dean to do absolutely nothing so his arm would heal faster. He’d declined to follow that advice. Not like Sam was going to parent Jack for him every day all day.

“Refill the first aid kit,” Jo ordered. “Remind Sam how hard it is to get the good stuff. In fact, make him refill it this time. My contact and Bobby’s can only outfit us so much before they’ll get looked at funny, remember?”

“I know, I know. He only gave me that to get me through the first few hours.”

“And keep you out of his hair so he could finish up.”

Totally true, but not like he’d never done that to Sam before when he’d realized Sam would be useless to continue. He heard the sound of songs switching over and over in the background and Gwen’s irritable order to ‘pick something already’. “You about there?”

“Close to. Gwen’s hating the traffic. The cab driver next to us keeps yelling at her in gibberish and making rude gestures.”

He could picture Jo making rude gestures right back so Gwen wouldn’t have to take her hands from the wheel. “Sounds like fun.”

“Totally. Don’t forget you have ‘Daddy and me’ tomorrow at nine.”

“In the morning?”

“Yes, smartass, nine in the morning.”

“Do we have to go?” Jo had signed Jack up for a playgroup that Dean had to take him to. She’d told him it’d be good for him to meet some of the other dads in the area, since likely the kids would be in the same school. The unsaid part was that probably those were the dads he’d need to deal with when Jack got old enough to get into fights. Might as well get to know them now before it happened.

“It’s free, Dean, and he needs to start making friends. Some of the kids will probably be the same ones that were at the ‘mommy and me’ group.”

“How much playing do they actually do? They’re all about one, right?” He thought it sounded more like a group for the dads to socialize than the kids.

“You’d be surprised. Watch for this Bryce kid though. He’s a smacker. Smacked a girl named Susan last time and she wouldn’t stop crying.”

“Fine. We’ll go.”

“Good. Abby been there yet?”

“Should be any time.” Getting up, and grimacing at the twinge of pain in his arm when he moved it, he went to the front window.

Abigael had taken their instructions to heart about coming to see Jack the past year. She still asked before showing up and never stayed past the allotted time, though Dean couldn’t remember the last time she’d been there at the same time he was. It was almost like she was avoiding him.

She pulled into the driveway in a Mustang that wasn’t more than a few years old, but had certainly seen better days, parking beside the Impala.

“There she is. Gotta go. Love you.” He hung up, slipped his phone into his pocket and opened the door as she stepped up onto the porch. “You’re driving now? God help us all, angels on the road.”

“Yes, I’m driving.” She stepped inside and took off her coat, hanging it on the hook between his and Jack’s coats and shooting a sidelong glance his way. “That’s right. You haven’t been here for the past few visits. You’ve been working.”

“When did you start driving?”

“A couple months ago.” She grinned. “And no, I haven’t had any accidents. I’m a good driver.”

“First car?”

“Yes. Uzziel’s research indicated it was customary for a first car to be a piece of crap that might not start. I negotiated the price myself, after doing my own research as to the value of the car and other factors. I believe I got a steal.” Looking around the room, she raised her brows. “Where’s Jack? Jo usually has him ready.”

“Ready?”

“We go out.”

“Alone? You take my kid out alone?”

She sighed and crossed her arms. “Of course not. Jo comes with. Or Gwen. Sometimes both and sometimes Ellen comes along as well.”

He waved a hand. “Wait. You’ve been having coffee hour with our wives during your supervised visits?”

Abigael took a few steps towards the kitchen, quiet a moment before answering him. “I’m playing by your rules, Dean, the ones you set forth for me. I’ve continued to have monitored visits despite the fact that I’ve done nothing here since that night to betray your trust.”

She was right, he supposed, though he got the feeling she might just be telling him what she knew he wanted to hear from her. It wasn’t like he’d know if she stood there out of sight, was it? Being an angel, it was likely she could do that. “Just a question. He’s upstairs.” He led the way into Jack’s room, relieved a little that Jack seemed happy to see her, reaching up his arms for her to pick him up, which she did.

“He’s getting so big! Top percentile now?”

“In height and weight both.” He gestured towards the hall. “You want coffee? I just made some.”

“Sure. I’d love some.” She followed him downstairs, carrying Jack. “Where is everyone?”

“Jo and Gwen are chasing down a vengeful spirit in New York and Sam’s out with Ellen.” He dragged a chair at the table out. “Have a seat.” On the table were printouts of the symbols they thought were Enochian. When he returned with the coffee, a mug for both of them, she was looking at them, holding one up and studying it. “You ever seen those before?”

“No.” The refusal was instantaneous.

“We might have an idea what they could be.”

“And that is?”

“Enochian.”

“They don’t resemble anything I know.” She changed the subject then.

He sipped at his coffee, listening with half an ear to Abigael telling him about Jael trying to teach Uzziel to drive a car. How did he broach the subject of Castiel and his whereabouts?

“After totaling three cars in the attempt, and enduring Balthazar’s taunts I might add, Jael concluded that teaching Uzziel was a total loss.” She smiled and stood Jack up on her lap, balancing him. He grinned at her and waved his hands. “I must say, Dean, his development is outstanding.”

“Thanks. Speaking of development, how’s your former mentor these days?” Smooth, Dean, he thought. Real smooth. Not his best transition.

“Castiel?”

“You have another mentor I don’t know about?”

“I don’t know how he is. I haven’t seen him in awhile. Weeks, anyway. Why?”

“Curious. Called him and he didn’t answer. Should I be worried?”

It looked to him like she paused a fraction too long before answering. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Are you? What’s he working on these days? Anything…big?” Shrugging, he curved his fingers about his mug and raised it, taking a sip.

“Nothing bigger than what he’s already been working on the past year. Were you hoping for a social call? Good luck on that. He doesn’t much join anyone for after-shift drinks these days. Program graduates have tried.”

“He never really did join anyway. No, I was looking for a consult.” He indicated the pictures. “On these symbols.”

“Ahh. I can’t help you. I already told you I don’t know what they mean.”

“Abigael.” He gave her his best charming smile, the one that usually worked on women. “Come on.”

“Dean.” Her smile was the feminine mirror of his. “I can’t help you.”

“You were a librarian.”

Her laugh was amused. “Why does everyone always say that like librarians have the keys to all knowledge?”

“To be fair, you worked in the heavenly library that actually is all knowledge.”

“True. I had my corner, but it wasn’t in languages. Nor was it in symbology.”

“Those are separate departments?”

“Considering the number of civilizations that have come to pass on earth…yes. The language department breaks down into spoken and written live languages, spoken and written dead languages, which have a sub-department of symbols, which has sub-departments of its own of various types of symbols. There is, however a sub-department of the written and spoken languages departments devoted to the development of each language that cross-references to the human history department.”

“Weren’t you in human history?” He thought he remembered her saying that.

Her mouth opened and she seemed both surprised and annoyed. “You remembered.”

“Sam’s not the only one who occasionally remembers the odd fact. So…. I’m sure you have a friend or two who could take a look if you asked.” He slid the pictures close to her. “Remember to say please.”

She stared at him, lips pursed. After a moment, she nodded. “Okay, Dean. I’ll see what I can do. I won’t promise anything.”

“Not askin’ for a promise.”

“For the record, I don’t like being coerced or trapped into doing anything.”

“For the record….” He crossed his arms on the edge of the table and leaned over slightly, staring into her eyes. “Neither do I.”

Strangely enough, she seemed to pale at that, turning her attention quickly to Jack. For the first time, to his knowledge, she left her supervised visit early.

~~~~~~~~~~

Rather than go to Dean when he was asked to come, Castiel avoided a meeting, hoping that the need would go away. It was a thing he’d done before and knew that it was the wrong action to take. Usually the need only increased and by the time he answered, Dean was royally pissed. He headed for a different meeting this time, one Abigael had requested. A meeting with her would be less emotional.

He touched down at one of the parks in Sioux Falls. Abigael was waiting in the parking lot, leaning against the hood of a car. She was dressed much like Jo was most days, in jeans and a tshirt, jacket and boots. “Abigael.”

She stood up straight and crossed to meet him, staring into his eyes for a long moment before saying, “He threatened me, Castiel.”

“Who did?”

“Dean Winchester.”

“Tell me what happened.” He wasn’t surprised if Dean had threatened her. After all, she was an angel and supernatural creature. It was only a matter of time before he threatened her because of one thing or another. Castiel had been threatened himself a few times and knew that the circumstances surrounding Dean’s threat meant everything.

She told him, pulling pictures from her coat pocket. “He wants me to investigate these.”

He took them. “It wasn’t a threat. He was stating a fact. He doesn’t like being manipulated and trapped into action. It’s fact.”

“No, he wasn’t just stating a fact. He knows something is up and he knows we’re involved. Maybe not that I am, but he knows angels are involved. Balthazar said these are ancient Enochian and I believe him. Dean thinks they’re Enochian as well. He’s certain and won’t rest until he’s got confirmation.”

“It’s not time for them to have that confirmation.” It wasn’t supposed to be time for another couple months, yet Dean and Sam were the free will team, switching things up away from the script. He knew that and should have realized they’d be ahead of schedule. They were probably almost ready to go after the thing even without the pieces of information he’d taken away.

“Can you afford to keep it from them much longer? I have to go back to that house, Cas. I’ve another visit in two weeks and I’ll bet you it’s Dean there that time, too. He’ll want an answer and I doubt he’ll take ‘I don’t know’. What do you want me to tell him? Figure it out before I have to go there.”

“Dean won’t hurt you.” Actually he might.

“It was a threat. I know a threat when I hear it. His tone of voice was all business.”

He suppressed a sigh. Maybe he could let them have that knowledge or a piece of it. As long as they hadn’t connected the ritual and symbols for the Trickster with the ones for the Soul Stealer yet. As long as they hadn’t noticed the similarities. It wasn’t time for them to rush out after the creature and he didn’t want to deal with whatever special punishment Death would send his way for not keeping them away until the proper time. “I’ll deal with it. I’ll go to him, go to them, and talk to them.”

“Thank you.” She nodded, studying him, stepping closer, into that personal space area Dean always complained Castiel invaded. “You look tired.”

“I am tired. When I agreed to aid Death, I’d no idea what I was getting myself into. This creature is active. He’s taking bits of human souls, leaving them vulnerable to attack by other creatures. Some of them he’s circling back to watch the monsters take the humans, then taking the monsters along with the rest of the human soul, leaving trails of bodies behind him.”

“He’s laid traps for certain types of monsters.”

“Yes. He’s hunting them and he’s fast. He’s got them all starting to run, even the demons. The defeat of Agares has the demons wary, cautious to cross him. A few monster types have fled the U.S. already, returning to their countries of origin. The call has gone out around the world that he’s been released. One creature forced itself into hibernation, probably in hopes that when it woke the soul stealer would be imprisoned again.”

“And you’re trying to mop it all up, keep it low?”

“A never-ending task. And I thought the war and Raphael had me exhausted. If I could bind Death into a cage right now I would.”

Reaching up, she touched her fingers to his cheek in a quick, compassionate and consoling caress. “Only a few more months.”

“Can the world last that long? Can…I last that long?”

“You have to, unless you can get Death to switch up the timeline somehow.”

That would hardly happen. He almost rolled his eyes.

“You know as well as I that the proper balance has to be maintained. All of this will lead to that.”

It didn’t appear to be leading to anything but the population of the United States decimated. Shoving the pictures in his coat pocket, he turned away, changing the subject to one that had been on his mind now and again. “Abigael? Did Death ever tell you exactly why he let Gwen live?”

“Yes.”

That answer surprised him and he looked over his shoulder. “You know the purpose behind it?”

“I do and no, I can’t tell you. It’s complicated.”

“Does it have to do with any of this? I mean in the wrap-up?” He’d been wondering for awhile if Gwen would perhaps be a part of whatever was supposed to happen. It would explain Death’s sudden turnaround on her death and the more Castiel considered it, the more likely he thought it to be the case.

“Don’t fish, Castiel.” Her face betrayed no answer either way. “Let me know about those symbols.” She walked away, got into the car, and drove off.

Upon returning to heaven, he found Uzziel waiting.

“I’ve that information you requested.” Once in that office he’d taken as his, they sat, Uzziel relaxing back in one chair. “Aaron Bennett’s associates were all human and all who they said they were, though there is one woman that was occasionally within his circle that I can’t seem to find. A Brenda Modglin. She existed and then suddenly, she didn’t. She wasn’t a direct associate of his, but rather one of Bill Harvelle’s. I believe she might have been his girlfriend before Ellen.”

“There’s no trace of her?” That was suspicious. Humans left traces. They might be minute, but there were usually traces somewhere.

“Her background is clean, almost too much so. It’s possible she slipped through a crack in our information. Collection was spotty the past century and the scribe strike meant a lot of information didn’t get recorded in full detail or even at all. I could expand my search and concentrate on her if you’d like. It might require searching out human heaven for Bill Harvelle to get information on her if other avenues fall short.”

Castiel nodded. “Do it.”

“And if she turns out to be nothing special?”

“I’ll accept the blame for the allocation of resources.”

Uzziel smiled and adjusted the tails of his coat. “Generous of you, Cas. I’m enjoying the break from daily duties however.”

At least someone was. “Where did he get some of his information,” he mused out loud.

“He consulted a shaman once, used other sources like that, but most of his information was passed down, generation to generation. Best guess is he found it in his family archives.”

At this rate, he was going to have to search heaven for Aaron and talk to him himself. Maybe it’d even come to that.

Castiel took a few days, then went to see Dean and Sam. He appeared in the upper office area. The two looked ready to head out on a hunt, Sam packing files and reference books into a box and Dean rifling through a bag. “Hello.”

Dean glanced up. “Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence. You ever check your messages?”

“I apologize. I’ve had a busy few weeks.”

“That’s what Abigael said.”

“I hear you’re trying to identify a couple symbols?”

Sam paused in packing, went to the cork wall and took a few pictures down, bringing them back and laying them on the table so he could see them. “Yeah, these. I talked to Balthazar and he claimed he didn’t know what they were.”

“Why didn’t you contact me?”

Dean’s reply was mumbled. “As long as it takes you to answer sometimes?”

“You never answered. Neither did Abigael.”

“I apologize. You didn’t believe his denial?”

“Not really. They look Enochian, Cas. Are they?”

“Possibly the oldest form.” He held up one picture, pretending to study it. “I’m not sure.”

“How can you not be sure?” Dean crossed his arms. “You’re an angel. It’s your language.”

“Can you read, say, Middle English?”

Sam raised a hand. “I can. Sort of. It can get tricky sometimes with a few of the words, but once you get the hang of it, it’s not too hard to translate.”

Of course Sam would read Middle English. How could he not? Castiel felt very much like he should start weeping and laughing hysterically. “How do you know Middle English, Sam?”

“I took a class for an English requirement. It was fun. Jess had that class, too.”

“Oh.”

“Where does Middle English fit in with this,” Dean asked.

“Like your own language,” he set the picture back down, “Enochian has evolved with time. The only angels who’d know the earliest form of Enochian are the archangels and I can hardly confer with them at present. By the time the rest of the levels of angels were created, the language had already begun evolving past the beginning state. I believe Gabriel was responsible for much of the change.”

“What about the heavenly library? Dean asked Abby to see what her contacts could come up with.” Sam took the pictures back and tacked them again on the wall.

Castiel stepped around the table to look at that wall. It was divided into two sections, one that was free of clippings and pictures and the other that was filled. He perused the papers and pictures. He saw the information on the Trickster box, each of the elements to it and the spoken spell broken down, some translated with accurate wording. They were deep into dissecting both the symbols and the spoken words, puzzling out how the pieces fit together and worked together. The spoken part of the process was written out to one side, those words rearranged in nearly the correct sequence. Only six words were out of order. The power symbols had been identified as well and Castiel almost did cry then.

They were so far ahead of schedule he had really only one chunk of information to keep from them: the final bits on the soul stealer. Somehow, he wouldn’t be surprised if they found them in a place, or with a person, he hadn’t thought they’d be.

“Her contacts came up with nothing. She asked me to inform you since I was coming to see you anyway.”

“Cas?” Sam moved closer to him. “You okay? You look like you’re about ready to bawl like a baby. What’s wrong?”

He turned away, a faintly ill sensation curling in his belly. “I’m having a bad…season.”

“Anything we can do to help?”

Yeah, he thought. Stop looking into this for awhile. “No. Not a thing.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Don’t you have any records?”

He moved close like Sam was and Castiel suddenly felt boxed in, taking steps away from them, walking around the table in the center of the room. “Regretfully, no.”

They exchanged a look of disbelief and Dean raised a hand, punctuating his words with a finger gesturing in the air. “Let me get this straight. Your angelic language evolved, but you oh-so-smart beings weren’t smart enough to write it all down before the knowledge was lost?”

It did sound stupid when put like that. He wasn’t lying exactly, he just wasn’t telling them the whole truth. No one had chronicled it, so it wasn’t written down, per se, though pieces were…available if one searched very hard and long for them. “We’re not all-knowing, Dean. We had no idea the old knowledge would become relevant.”

“Boy, you guys really do have a problem with arrogance, don’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“What, did you think you were so far above all of us that you’d never forget anything?”

Dean was certainly in a mood. He wondered what was going on here to cause it. “It wasn’t my decision. If it had been, I would, of course, have recommended a concise chronicle of the language in the original form. No one asked me, Dean.”

His frown smoothed out and he nodded. “Sorry.”

“Jack’s got an ear infection again,” Sam explained, returning to his task of packing references. “It’s the second one in as many months --”

Ahh, that explained it.

“I’m sure Cas doesn’t care about my kid’s ear infection, Sam.”

“On the contrary, I do care.” He put his hands in his coat pockets. “You’re understandably upset. Is he responding to treatment?”

“Yeah, he is. I hate that…pained cry, you know?” Dean pressed a closed fist to his chest. “Gets me here every time. Seems he always gets sick when I’m not here and it’s up to Jo to take care of him.”

“She’s a good mother, yes?”

“Oh yeah, course she is. The best, but I should be here. I don’t want to be here only for the good stuff. I want to be here for all of it. It’s not fair to Jo to not be here.”

“Delay your hunt.”

“Not me going this time. I’m staying back with Jo while Sam and Gwen go. Noticed the infection this time before we left.” He zipped the bag on the table. “Gwen’s all excited for a bloody, gory crime scene.” Dean pointed a finger at Sam. “Your wife is as nuts as mine.”

“Well, since I’m also as nuts as you, I guess that makes it a regular nuthouse around here.”

Castiel blinked. “Nuthouse?”

“Psych hospital,” Sam clarified with a distracted tone. “Dean, have you seen that journal of Aaron’s I was reading?” He moved a few items on the table and looked under them.

“You’ve been reading all of them. Which one was this?”

“The red sticker on the front. The one I told you about? Where he mentions Bill Harvelle’s parents?”

“He mentions them occasionally in most of the early journals. Dude really liked them.”

Sam turned and began checking each shelf and flat surface in the area. “The one where he mentions their deaths?”

“Oh. No, I haven’t seen it. It’s here somewhere. Gwen probably moved it when she was cleaning up here earlier.”

“I was going to take it with us and keep reading.”

“Maybe she packed it for you.”

“What is the importance of the journal, Sam?” Castiel put his hands in his coat pockets, suddenly suspicious of Balthazar now. He was insistent that Sam and Dean were on the verge of learning things they shouldn’t and that the entire stash of Aaron Bennett’s journals were dangerous and should be incinerated. Balthazar could potentially be right.

“I think he was beginning to lead into the soul stealer information. He described Ronnie and Ham telling him about a protected location having been broken into and a dangerous object being opened, about family duty and an oath taken a long time ago. This was before he met Mia and wasn’t on good terms with them anymore. That was as far as I’d gotten, but I’m sure it was about the soul stealer.”

“It didn’t sprout legs and walk off,” Dean commented, zipping the bag he’d been working on and setting it by the stairs.

No, but possibly Balthazar had developed sticky fingers and made off with it. “I’ll leave you to your packing.” As he left, he heard Dean call him back, but decided it would be wise to keep away for awhile again, before Dean had a chance to think of questions to ask him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Atropos set a scene, taking care of the details in an almost loving manner. The enjoyment she got from a job well done was beyond measure. She smiled softly to herself and turned, almost ready to let time slip into motion again.

The angel Balthazar was waiting, standing across the street, his hands in his pockets, watching her. He seemed to have nothing better to do than to follow her all over creation. Surely he had a job he was supposed to be attending to? She’d first noticed him Thanksgiving day, but who knew how long he’d been following her? She’d asked Lachesis, but her sister had merely smiled in that annoying enigmatic fashion and refused to give her answers. Adjusting her glasses, she stalked over to him.

“You’re following me.”

He leaned against the building behind him with a nonchalant air. “Am I?”

“You are. Why?”

She saw a faint twitch of one brow. “I enjoy watching a dedicated career woman tick things off her list. It’s very erotic and you are exceptionally dedicated.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I can’t do that, love.”

“Why not? And don’t call me ‘love’. It’s an annoying habit.”

“You fascinate me.”

“Find someone else to fascinate you.”

“Believe me, I’ve tried, but there’s something about you that intrigues me.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that. She’d never intrigued anyone before. It was always Lachesis that got that reaction. “Fine. Follow me around, but stay out of my way. If you interrupt one single job, I’ll see to it that you have a personal accident.”

“Agreed.” He gestured towards the street. “If you’re finished, perhaps we could…get a bite somewhere. I know this wonderful café --”

“No.” Without looking to see if he followed her, she started time once more and left for her next appointment.

~~~~~~~~~~

The holidays had Sam reflective and watching Jo and Dean trying to give Jack a good second Christmas brought out yearnings in Sam that he’d been trying to tamp down. Maybe this was the time. Maybe he was ready -- or would be if Castiel could give him the news he wanted.

“Sam?”

He turned, very glad Castiel had answered him right away. That happened only rarely. Was it his imagination, or did Castiel just flinch? “Hey, Cas.” He also looked a bit more frazzled than he had the last time Sam had3 seen him.

“You asked me to visit?” He didn’t stay in one place, walking slowly around the room, peering into the other rooms, pausing at the doorways to touch the baby gates that were in place.

“You okay?”

Tour finally complete, he shoulders seemed to relax. “Yes. What can I do for you?”

“Uh….” He put his hands in his jeans pockets and shrugged. While he’d waited for Castiel to show up, he’d tried to plan what he wanted to say and now that the angel was there, Sam didn’t know how to begin. “Jack just turned one not long ago.”

“Yes. He is growing rather quickly.”

“He’s a good baby.”

“He is. He’s exceptional in many ways, like his parents.”

“Dean and Jo are good parents.”

“Yes?” Confusion flickered in his eyes. “Did you ask me to come merely to discuss Jack, Dean, and Jo?”

“No…um….” He licked his lips. This was harder to talk about than he’d anticipated. “You told me Gwen can’t have vessels. Genetically, she’s not a match for that.”

“Yes. And?”

“I need something cleared up. I’ve been thinking about that --”

He took a step closer. “Is Gwen pregnant, Sam?”

“No! God, no!” He shook his head, aware that there’d been a touch of panic in his voice. “At least I don’t think so. If she is, it’s like really…. Because she just had…. Never mind. I don’t think she is.” He ran a hand through his hair.

Spit it out, dummy, he told himself with a sigh. Don’t waste Castiel’s time.

“My blood. It’s got that demon…taint. Is it possible I could pass it on? I mean, would that taint move genetically into a baby? Will I infect any kids Gwen and I would have with it? If I would, is it possible for one of you to somehow remove it from my sperm so….” He sighed again, feeling rather stupid for even trying to get the questions out. “Stupid question, I guess. I --”

“They’re not stupid questions if you’re contemplating having children with Gwen. Are you?”

He blew out another breath in a whoosh. “Maybe? Possibly? I don’t know. The idea still makes me want to throw-up, but…. I…I guess I am. I mean, she wants kids and she’s great with Jack. I can see her as a mom, Cas. She’ll be good at it, but she doesn’t have too many more years left that she can have kids. We’re in our thirties. It’ll be harder the longer we wait and I don’t want her to miss out on something she really wants because of my stupid blood infection.”

Castiel blinked once. “Your body is cleansed, Sam.” He said it like it was something Sam should have known. “It was cleansed when you were raised. That feeling you had of being free was exactly that. You’re free of the taint of demon blood, your body reset so to speak.”

“Seriously?” Hope began to rise inside him. It had to be too good to be true.

“Yes.”

“Any kids I have with Gwen will be free of the taint and unable to be vessels?”

“Yes.”

“You’re positive? You have to be one-hundred percent on this, Cas.”

“Then I’m more than that. I’m certain.”

Sam laughed. “Man, that’s the best news I’ve had a long time!” A giddy sense of lightheadedness took him over and he sat down in a chair.

“Then I’m glad I could be of assistance.” He glanced towards the front of the house. “Sam…. I meant to tell you before that…I’m sorry she had to be hurt.”

“I know. She’s fine now though.”

“I’m pleased that Gwen has recovered fully.”

“Thanks to you and Abby.”

He looked down at the floor. “Was that all you wished to speak with me about?”

“Yeah.”

Castiel winked from view and Sam began to plan. Telling Gwen had to be perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gwen felt hot and cold at the same time, and even a little shy to be seriously discussing this issue. She tucked her hands under her thighs in an attempt to warm them and stop their trembling.

“We’re agreed?” His hand slid along her back.

She nodded. “Six months. We’ll give it six months and then if I’m not, we’ll take a break in trying for awhile.”

Sam nodded too. “Right. Does six months sound like a good length of time?”

“Sure.”

“So we’re ready.”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Are you?” Her heart was beating hard and fast in her chest and Gwen almost couldn’t believe they’d been having this conversation. Sam and kids weren’t topics they discussed very often, yet he’d been bringing it up the past month.

Fear and uncertainty rippled across his face. “Yes?”

“If you’re not ready --”

“No, I’m ready. I am….” He took a long breath. “This has to be now. If we back down, I’ll chicken out and I don’t want to do that to you. You want this and if you want it, so do I. I’ll get over the fear as we go. Dean did with Jo. I mean, I know we’re not them, but I think we just have to do it. If we wait, there’ll never be the perfect time. There’s always going to be something, some danger or fear.”

“Okay.” Leaning over, Gwen kissed him gently on the mouth, then leaned back a fraction, running a hand through his hair. He was scared to death and knew it wouldn’t be the easy road, but was determined to do it anyway. “We’ll try to have a baby.”

His gulp was loud and very clear. “Agreed.”

They decided to keep the decision to themselves.