Title: Nothing and Everything

Chapter 22

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean’s hands were shaking as he took Jack from the car and walked towards the hospital. He’d been in a weird, almost numb state the entire drive, concentrating on keeping Jack calm. Babies responded to their parent’s moods, at least Jack did, and Dean’s mood at present wasn’t good. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut repeatedly, nausea a steady companion.

The emergency room was busy, a crowd of people present. He searched the rows of chairs until he found Sam. His head in his hands. He didn’t look up, nor did he seem to register anyone around him. The only empty seats were surrounding him, two on either side. Dean could imagine why.

Jo was sitting just down from him, bruises on her neck and gauze bandages on her hands. Sophie was slumped in the chair beside her and looked like she was asleep. She had a cast on one arm and a large bandage covering one cheek. Her lower lip looked raw and infected. Jo stood, moving into Dean’s embrace, clinging to him like he clung to her, their son cradled between them.

“You’re okay,” he asked, looking her over. She looked tired, but otherwise fine.

“You didn’t believe Sam?” Jo’s voice was a bare whisper and she winced as she talked.

He had, but at the same time, he hadn’t. He’d had to see her alive and okay with his own eyes. His stomach had flipped about inside him when Sam had called directly after the creature had attacked them and for a second, he hadn’t heard Sam say that Jo was fine. He’d felt a false pain of loss until Sam had repeated that Jo was fine. “You lost consciousness?”

Jo nodded. “Not for long.”

“Is Sophie okay,” he asked, glancing at her.

“Broken arm and the cut on her cheek needed stitches.”

He turned his gaze to Sam. He’d saved the worst part for last, dreading what Jo was going to say. He’d been over halfway here when Jo had called to say that Gwen had been wheeled into the emergency room, having barely survived a bad accident. At the time, the only report they’d had was that she was breathing. “How’s Gwen?”

“In surgery right now. They said they’d let us know when we can go to another waiting room, but it looks like we’re going to be here awhile. It’s still touch and go, I guess.”

He could feel her shaking against him and eased her back into her chair, taking the one beside her.

“Dean, we were just getting ready to leave after they put the cast on Sophie when they brought her in.” She shook her head. “Sam saw her as they wheeled her by. She was a mess. He recognized her somehow. She had blood everywhere, cuts and bruises and….” She swallowed hard. “He freaked. They couldn’t calm him down. He was in the way….” Jo bit her lip. “They warned him several times before they just sedated him.”

He knew how he’d react to seeing Jo that way and for Sam it’d be a hundred times worse. It wouldn’t surprise him to learn Sam had had a flashback to when Jess had died. In fact, he’d bet it had happened. “They sedated him?”

“Yeah. Sedated him. He just woke up a bit ago, hasn’t said a word. Just keeps staring into space.” Reaching over, she took Jack from him. “The accident has been all over the news. They keep showing pictures of the car…. I don’t know how she’s even alive. It was flattened, Dean. The driver’s side….” Tears slipped from her eyes. “No one walks away from a crash like that, I don’t care who you are. It’s just not possible.”

“Gwen’s a fighter, that’s all. She’s fighting to hang on. That report say anything about a passenger in the car?”

“No, why?”

“She was on her way to pick up Mick or maybe she already had.”

Jo’s eyes closed and she sobbed. “Oh, God, no….”

He realized she hadn’t known about that. “Sam didn’t tell you?”

“I was taking care of Sophie. He started calling Gwen, over and over, but he didn’t….” She put a hand over her mouth.

“We’ll think about it later,” he told her. “We’ll talk about it once she’s out of the worst, okay?” Dean pulled her close again, arm around her and Jack both, pressing a kiss to her temple. When her sobs lessened, he sat back and dug the room key from his pocket. “Here. Take it. It’s just down the street. You and Sophie take Jack and rest, get some food. Ellen and Bobby will be here tomorrow morning. I’ll stay with Sam.”

It took some convincing, but she finally agreed, leading a drugged-to-the-gills Sophie off with her. When they’d gone, he sat beside Sam. “I’m here, Sammy,” he told him in a low voice.

Sam’s shoulders shook and he gasped, raising his head. His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. “News,” he ordered in a tight voice.

Dean could see he was suppressing his emotion as much as possible, choking it back, and nodded. “I’ll go see if there’s any.” In minutes he was back. The only news available was that she was still in surgery and still alive so far.

Relief that Gwen was alive and hadn’t died since whenever the last time he’d gotten an update flashed in Sam’s eyes. He didn’t say anything else, letting his head drop back into his hands.

“I’m gonna get us some coffee. Be back in a few minutes.” Before leaving on that errand, he stepped out and called Ronnie. Bracing himself for a confrontation with Ham, he was glad when it was Ronnie who answered. The line went silent after he’d explained what had happened, so silent he thought the call had dropped. “Ronnie?”

“I’m here, Dean.” Her voice was faint and very sad. “Do you know anything yet?”

“Not much, just that it’s bad. If you ever want to meet her, I suggest you get here fast because we have no idea which way this’ll go.”

“I understand.”

He heard sobs and she hung up without saying another word.

It was hours more before they had real news. Gwen made it through surgery, but wasn’t out of the woods yet. She was in the ICU in critical condition and hadn’t once woken. Dean closed his eyes and winced at that. To say she was in bad shape was an understatement. Like Jo had said when he’d gotten there, no one walked away from a crash like that and Gwen was somehow alive.

How? What had happened to keep her from dying instantly? Dean agreed that there was no way she should even be alive. Flattened was right. The car was totaled. If the Mick creature had been in the car with her, he’d likely caused the crash to kill her, knowing he’d survive it, so what had saved her? She’d found the box, he did know that. Had she taken it with her? He tried to think it all through, yet with the tension and emotions rising up, Dean couldn’t think straight. Not yet.

Ellen and Bobby arrived, Ellen taking up position claiming to be Gwen’s mother and Bobby taking the investigation end. He’d go over every inch of the accident, find out what had happened.

Getting Sam to leave the waiting room or Gwen’s room was difficult. He’d arrive as soon as they’d let him in and had to be forced to leave when hours were over. It took two days before he’d say anything except to make demands for information. After a few days, Gwen was downgraded from critical and moved to a room out of the ICU. It was progress of a sort, though the outlook remained the same. They had no idea if she was going to come out of it or slip into death without ever waking up first.

Gwen looked better than he thought she should. Upon that first visit he’d made in the ICU, he’d expected to see her encased in a cast, her face smashed, body stitched like Frankenstein’s monster, and that wasn’t the case. She did have healing cuts and bruises on her face, the left side her face swollen, but she really did look good for the circumstances. There weren’t nearly the amount of stitches or bruises he’d assumed would be there. It would have been encouraging except for the part where she remained unconscious.

Sam ate little. When Dean and Jo couldn’t get him to eat, Ellen took over, physically hauling him to the cafeteria and putting food in front of him. She wouldn’t let him leave without eating something. In response, Sam reached new heights of bitter sarcasm. He’d take a single bite and declare, “Something,” then stare Ellen down until she’d nod and look away. Normally Ellen didn’t take attitude or crap, but they all understood Sam’s state of mind. He was in a bad place, the very place Dean had hoped he’d never descend into again.

He had all of them there with him this time, people who loved him who weren’t going to let him push them away. They’d fight to hold on to him.

Dean and Jo took turns staying at the motel with Jack. Babies hadn’t been allowed in the ICU and they were reluctant to have him at the hospital at all. Sophie stuck around. Either she remained in a state of shock about all that had happened or her meds were super strong, for she spent much of her time staring into space like Sam did. Dean didn’t try to talk to her, not yet. He’d sit down with her soon and ask her detailed questions about what the thing in Mick had done to her. The sooner they found out what it was and tracked it down the better.

He spent time online, some of it just looking up random things, some researching the Bennett family, and some scaring up new jobs that were nearby in case any of them felt like working. There wasn’t much. A possible Lady in White and a possible demon possession. After some discussion, they passed both on to other hunters and Dean returned his attention to the Bennett family. He turned up a few interesting tidbits on them, like Ham being the seventh son of a seventh son, a thing that didn’t happen very often. It was as interesting a tidbit as Aaron having been born with a caul.

When he wasn’t at the hospital or online, he helped Bobby investigate the crash, an investigation that had turned up a few things only because they were suspicious anyway. Nearly two weeks after the crash, he sat down in the hospital cafeteria with Ellen and Jo to discuss those things.

Jo cradled Jack against her. He was wide-eyed, watching everything over her shoulder while chewing on his fist. He’d been fed and changed before Jo had brought him.

Dean opened the folder Bobby had given him. “Her car went over the side deliberately. Wasn’t an accident. There were no brake marks near the edge, like she tried to stop, no ice, nothing.”

“No. No.” Jo shook her head. “Gwen isn’t suicidal.”

He held up a hand. “I’m not saying she is. Obviously, the call she got wasn’t Sophie as she was unconscious with a broken arm in the car you and Sam took to meet her. There was someone in the car with her. It was Mick. She did pick him up.” He let the words sink in. “Plus, a witness to the crash reported a man in the car with her.”

“Witness?” Ellen uncrossed her arms and sat forward. “On that road? What are the chances of that? Got a name?”

“A conveniently missing witness. No name. Male. Reported the accident, said two people were there, but only Gwen was present when paramedics and police got there. They searched for the other party and didn’t find him.” He laid one piece of paper out, sliding it forward for them to look at. “They found prints. Mick’s. He was definitely there with her. It was him. He comes up in the system for much of the same things Sam and I do. Theft, credit card fraud, vandalism, murder, and now the police want him for questioning.”

“He sought her out.” Jo sighed. “Damn it.”

Ellen snagged the top picture and stared at it. It was a picture of the wreck. “She was almost killed.” Her voice was tired and she looked every bit her age at the moment.

It was Dean’s turn to shake his head. “She wasn’t almost killed, Ellen, she was supposed to be killed. Read through the report. Every person at that scene said there was no way she should be alive with the mess that car was in. Driver’s side hit a freakin’ grove of trees. She should be dead, as in dead long before arrival, but she wasn’t. She was alive and breathing, just not conscious. One guy told Bobby she had to have had an angel or two huggin’ her all the way over, keeping her safe from the worst, that it was a miracle.”

“Cas? Abby?” Ellen looked at him.

Jo understood before Ellen did. “The box. You said before that she found it. She had it with her, didn’t she? It opened, released his magic.”

He gave a slow nod. “It did. Bobby found the pieces at the site.” He fished out a picture of the open box from an envelope and handed it to her, very glad Gwen had had the foresight to take the box with her instead of opening it at the unit. If she’d opened it earlier, she would’ve died for sure. “I think she was dying and it opened or she opened it, turned events to her favor…somewhat anyway. Hopefully she’ll wake up soon and we’ll know for sure what happened.”

Ellen put the picture in her hands down. “It ended up doing what Aaron had intended it to all along. It saved his daughter.”

The realization sat with them, hugging them all, but Dean wasn’t comforted by that. Gwen had come too close to death and still might die if her body didn’t begin to heal itself. He had a weird hunch that there was far more going on than they knew about. The pieces of this were too smooth, fit together too easily, and nagged at him. Sam was right in that too much coincidence was suspicious and this was too much coincidence. Mick went after Jo, Sam, and Sophie, then managed to get a call in to Gwen through the mountains from Craig to Fort Collins when the rest of them had trouble? Reception in the mountains was notoriously difficult. Dean had gotten one call from Gwen’s cell and the only call Sam had received was from a landline at a motel. None of Sam’s calls to Gwen to warn her over the hours she would have been driving to Craig had gone through, yet the creature was able to call her? Gwen found the box only to need it hours later? Right. Too smooth. Suspicious and Dean hated that suspicion.

Knowing some of what he did about the way things worked with Death and angels, he was afraid there was some behind-the-scenes manipulation of events going on. The idea made anger prick at him. He was damn tired of all of them being manipulated.

“Do we tell Sam,” Jo asked in a quiet voice. “About the supposed to be dead part?”

“Hell, no.” Dean collected the papers and pictures and shoved them back in the folder. “You heard him the past few days? He hears this he’ll go over the edge.”

“Or think Cas and Abby intervened,” Ellen suggested.

“He won’t. Look, I know Sam. Only thing he’ll be thinking no matter what he hears about the crash is that this is another example of how he’s cursed and can’t have a relationship. Gwen needs him right now and I won’t have him walking away while she can’t fight to keep him.”

It was terribly true. Sam was already very close to curling into a ball and cutting himself off from women for the rest of his life, Gwen included. Dean could see it happening and wasn’t sure how to stop it. He hoped she’d wake soon and fight for her man. Gwen waking soon would do far more for Sam than anything Dean could do at present.

“Where’s Sam going?” Ellen indicated the doorway with a hand.

Sam was walking down the hall away from Gwen’s room.

“Damn it,” Dean muttered. “You two stay here.” He set off after Sam.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Abigael appeared, she had an idea what to expect already. She’d been with Dean and Jack on the drive here, an invisible presence doing her best to keep Jack calm so Dean could concentrate on driving and then she’d stuck around, watching and waiting. It wasn’t a complete surprise that Sam called for her. The only surprise was that he didn’t try Castiel first, yet when she thought about it, she supposed this was logical. Abigael had healed Gwen once before, a connection Castiel had told her to make.

Sam didn’t start with any greeting or pleasantry, going straight to his request. “Heal her. Please.”

Abigael knew she had to be gentle with Sam. He was in a precarious place right now. “I’m sorry, Sam. I can’t.”

“You can. I know you can. You healed her ankle in Las Vegas. You can heal this. Don’t tell me you can’t.”

The hope in his eyes about broke her heart. He was grasping at straws, going through horrible emotional pain. “Sam…. I’m not allowed to. I have charges in my care and Gwen isn’t one of them. I’m not allowed to heal anyone aside from my charges.”

“Since when,” he demanded, that light of hope fading, replaced by anger and betrayal.

Of course he’d see this as a betrayal of sorts. She’d helped before. By his reasoning, she should again. While she understood that reasoning, it didn’t mean she could do it. “Castiel received new instructions from God himself. I can heal my charges and only them.”

“Who determines your charges? Cas? Get him down here. Have him assign her to you.”

“No, Sam. That’s not how it works.” She shook her head.

“Then tell me how it works. What do I have to do to get her healed? What angel do I have to talk to?”

“You can’t do anything or talk to anyone. This isn’t something you can bargain on. I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do.” She licked her lips. “It’s under New Heaven.”

“New heaven sucks.”

“The rules --”

“Screw the rules, Abby. You healed her once.”

“Before New Heaven.”

“I don’t care.” He jabbed a finger at her and at the hospital. “You get in there and make her well.”

She was trying to be as gentle as possible and it was only making him angry. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Sam. I can’t. I’ll be removed from my position if I do and severely chastised for stepping outside my bounds. Balance hangs on me retaining my current position. Lives hang on it.”

“But not Gwen’s.”

Abigael didn’t reply. Gwen’s life wasn’t hers to save, at least not in Gwen’s current position. Under other circumstances she’d be able to go in there and heal her body, but not now.

Sam snorted. “Then why did you come?”

“You asked me to. You called for me and I answered. It’s what friends do.”

“Are we friends?” His emotions were all over his face right now. The pain, the sorrow, and fear.

“Beginning stages, I suppose.”

“Then why won’t you help? Friends help. If you’re a friend, you should help her.”

She suppressed a sigh. “Sam.”

“You have a shitty concept of what friends are. If you can’t…or won’t…help her, then what good are you?” He stalked back into the building. He was lashing out, his anger, fear, and worry a jumble inside him.

“So, just out of curiosity….” Dean stepped into view. She knew he’d been there, listening to every word. “Who is your charge and the reason you hang around?” He sauntered close. “Way I see it, it’s got to be one of us, but which one? Me? It’s not Gwen obviously. Sam? Jo maybe?” He said the names like he already knew the answer.

“I can’t divulge that information. It’s privileged and you don’t have privileges.” She started to turn away, but his hand lashed out, grabbing her arm. If she’d been human, the grip would have hurt.

“I do when it concerns my son.”

She flicked a sidelong glance his way. “Let me go, Dean.”

His eyes narrowed, taking in her response and reading it correctly. “I’m right, aren’t I?” He squeezed her arm more tightly. “Jack’s your charge, the one you’re protecting.”

“Release me.” She tugged her arm slightly. She could make him release her, but would rather it didn’t come to that. “Please.”

From the corner of the building came Castiel’s voice. “Let her go, Dean. She’s only doing her job.”

“Since when is her job Jack’s care?”

“Since his birth,” Castiel snapped, stepping forward. Abigael could see the lines of strain on his face and the worry and sick fear he shared with them all over Gwen. He disliked being made helpless to aid them; hated being made to watch while they were put through the ringer.

She wasn’t surprised Castiel said it plainly. If he didn’t answer, Dean would push until he found the answer another way.

“No.” Dean released her arm like it had suddenly caught fire, practically shoving her away. “No!”

“Yes. Jack was among the list of important individuals who must be watched over.”

“No. I don’t accept that. He has no damn special destiny with you angels.”

“That’s not what it means.” Castiel moved to put himself between her and Dean, protecting her, she suddenly realized.

“Then explain it to me, nice and slow.”

“All it means is that if his life goes off-track due to outside influences, that natural order will be jeopardized and we can’t let that happen. Abigael is simply to make certain order is kept. There’s no special destiny planned for Jack that I’m aware of. He’s one of many key individuals around the world. Most aren’t even hunters. A couple future politicians, medical doctors, scientists, and some who’ll be average people, yet will affect things in how they live their lives. Key events in the world hinge on such lives, Dean. You know well that one life can change the world for better or worse.”

“Sounds like a special destiny to me.”

“It’s not.”

“Can you promise me that, Cas? Will you promise?”

“Yes.”

She could see that Dean wanted to believe it, but his treatment at the hands of previous angels left him skittish on their promises. He was naturally skeptical. “You’re lying,” he said, yet the words lacked conviction. He wanted desperately to believe Jack had no special life planned out by higher forces.

“I’m not. If Jack dies before his natural time, events that must occur will be disrupted.”

“Who are her other charges?”

“Currently she has Jack and a newborn in Maine. In the future, if you and Jo have more children, they’ll also be her charges.”

“And Sam? What if he has kids?”

“Biological children of his would be hers as well.”

“So, in other words, all of our kids will have a freakin’ special destiny.”

“No. Dean….” Castiel sighed. “Your family is a unique case. You and Sam have done more to destroy natural order in the past few years than anyone ever in the history of the world. We’re to make sure that doesn’t continue to happen.”

“Amazing what two human men can do to change the course of the world,” Abigael said, garnering a sharp warning look from Castiel. She bit her lip. She should choose her words carefully. Dean Winchester had a knack for figuring things out that were right between the lines.

Dean looked at her, then back at Castiel. “Tell me about Gwen.”

“What about her?” Castiel took a few steps to one side, body turning slightly away from Dean. His tone was cautious.

Dean turned the same way.

The two looked for all the world like they were sizing each other up.

“She was supposed to die in that crash, wasn’t she?” Dean’s gaze reflected the suspicions he had. He knew something wasn’t right. Already, he was putting pieces together.

A thin line. They were now treading a thin line between what should and shouldn’t be known. Too much information would give away the tense arguments that had ringed that conference room in heaven. Too much would give away just what they’d known ahead of time. What Abigael knew. She had to keep silent now, let Castiel answer the questions. She couldn’t reveal some things that even Castiel was unaware of.

“She was saved, Dean. She lives and breathes. Is that not all you need to know? It was a miracle of timing. Leave it at that.”

Abigael did know things Castiel didn’t, quite a few of them. She was held to secrecy, hands tied tighter than his. She saw the shape of things to come as the future rushed to become the present.

The creature that had attacked Gwen, and Jo, Sam, and Sophie, was a greater threat to natural order than Gwen. Her survival thus far was a small ripple compared to what the creature remaining alive or dying would do to the earth. She’d become suddenly useful to Death and Death would use her if doing so returned balance and order to the world.

How exactly she was useful, Abigael wasn’t sure. She assumed it was for Gwen’s suffering to piss off Sam Winchester so that he’d go after the creature. Only the Winchesters would suffice. Death had insisted that point. Only them and no others. He’d put such a stress on that. The Winchesters. Plural.

Piss Sam off and Dean would follow to protect Sam, a team of anger and action.

It was a fact. Sam and Dean Winchester weren’t men to underestimate. They’d defeated high level demons, Lucifer, other angels, pagan gods, and countless other creatures, yet survived in the end. It wasn’t just the world that needed them however. Whether Sam and Dean liked it or not, heaven also needed them. They were agents of God, Fate, and Death as much as the angels were.

She hated that they were being manipulated; that they were suffering and would suffer a bit longer. She hated that Sam was right in a way. Their concept of friendship had to be different than the human concept. They were friends, but with the boundaries established by their roles in the universe.

Angels still had to do their jobs and there were times when it would be a betrayal of the human idea of friendship. Like now.

“You know something,” Dean said. He was looking right at her and Abigael forced her expression to remain neutral.

Castiel answered him. “I know plenty of things of heavenly nature that men shouldn’t be aware of. Take the miracle of her living after that crash and walk away. Just walk away, Dean.”

Miracle. It was what people were saying in this small community. The word miracle was being bandied about and people were believing it as such. The local headline the day after the crash had read, ‘woman miraculously alive after fatal crash’. The article had given the gory details, making it clear that this was something special and unique.

“Will she survive this injury?”

A small spasm of emotional pain on Castiel’s face. “Don’t push. I can’t tell you and we can’t intervene. What should happen will happen.” He spoke with blind faith that it was true because really, he had to believe at this point that it was. He had to believe that Death and the Fates had made the right decision and he was praying Gwen would live in the end and that Dean would take the advice.

But this was Dean Winchester after all.

He wouldn’t walk away and she and Castiel both knew it. It was only a matter of time before he uncovered the truth of it all. She wondered if Dean would see the bigger picture, or if he’d seek vengeance on them as well as on the creature that was loose.

~~~~~~~~~~

The talk with Abigael hadn’t done Sam any good. Dean could see that he was in worse condition than before.

“I knew this’d happen.” Sam shook his head. “Always does. I’m toxic to women --”

“Stop it.” Dean didn’t soften his tone, leaving it harsh. “You’re not freakin’ cursed. Geez, Sam.” It was the same refrain he’d been hearing since the crash. Sam was cursed, he’d never have the life Dean had, and it’d be better if he was alone. They’d all kept a watch on him, afraid he’d go off and find some alternative to angelic healing that’d only hurt him in the end. So far, Sam hadn’t attempted anything of the sort, but if this went on much longer, Dean wasn’t sure that wouldn’t happen. He’d been right in that Sam was having flashbacks to Jess’s death. It wasn’t just one flashback, but a string of them every time he walked into this room. Slow, agonizingly slow death. “The whole Trickster deal? Not on you. He already had a boner for her by the time you even met her and the rest of his obsession is on Aaron.” He made a motion with his hands. “Not you.”

Sam merely stared at him, pain brimming over like tears in his eyes. He really did believe he was responsible for Gwen being in that hospital room and Dean should have seen this coming a mile away.

“As for the thing that took Mick? Not on you either. That’s on the original hunters that took it down. Not your fault the old store blew and the containment box was smashed, releasing it back into the world to go after the nearest hunters. Not your fault we’re probably part of the bloodline that contained it to begin with. Ellen was busy dragging us all to Christmas events when it happened. No way any of us could have known about it without having the Campbell mail information for that property. As for him coming after her? Not on you either. You were there with Jo and Sophie. You were backup. Gwen didn’t have that. She was alone. See? None of that is your fault.”

Sam’s gaze slid to Gwen. “I was going to ask her to marry me, Dean.”

The news stunned him. Sam had been contemplating marriage? Dean had thought he was still a long way from that. He opened his mouth and had no reply.

“I’d gotten the approximate size from a ring in her jewelry box and did some shopping. Found one that I thought looked like something she’d like. Silver band, diamonds embedded in it. Not too girly, you know? I hadn’t bought it yet. I wanted to show it to her first. I even tried to ask a few times, but every time something interrupted us.” He leaned forward and took her hand. “Like Fate telling me I’m being stupid for even thinking I’ll ever be able to have a wife. Looks like it’s not in my cards.” His thumb swept along the back of her hand. “I’ll never have the chance now to even ask her.”

“She’s not dead.”

“She might as well be. Doctors don’t have a clue what to do.”

“She’s breathing on her own. That’s a good sign.” He crossed his arms on the bedside and leaned over. “She’s in there and this attitude when you’re in here with her isn’t going to help her. She hears everything, so you tell her to hang on. You tell her how you want your wedding to go, the honeymoon you want to take her on. You tell her you love her and you don’t give up on her because you have this notion in your head that you’re cursed.” His voice got harder and colder as he spoke, trying to shake Sam from his apathy. “Gwen is not a quitter. You don’t quit on her.”

Sam sighed. “Have you not been listening to them, Dean? She’s dying. Every day that passes makes it less likely she’s going to get better.”

“Haven’t you been listening? The body takes time to heal. Give her time before you write her off.”

“Do you know she’ll be fine? Can you get some information out of Cas and Abby? I can’t. I can’t even find out if there’s a Reaper waiting. She could go at any time.”

He stared at Sam a long moment. “Get out of this room.”

“What?”

“Get out or I’ll throw you out.”

“Dean --”

“You heard me. Get out until you can come in here and Pollyanna her ass back to consciousness. No more pity-party. Damn it, Sam. How many times do I have to tell you that she needs you right now. You, not your self-pity. Do you really love her?”

“You know I do.”

“Then you do what you have to even if that means gritting your teeth and forcing that pain down until you’re out of this room.”

“Because gritting teeth has always worked so well for us before.”

He gestured at the door. “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. You have until three. One…two…three.” When Sam made no move to leave, he raised his brows. “You agreeing or do I have to force you out?”

With a stare that indicated he thought this was stupid, Sam said, “I want to take her on a cruise. For a honeymoon.”

“Don’t tell me, tell her.”

Gradually, the stilted tone softened and Sam seemed to forget Dean was even there as he talked to Gwen, making plans that Dean hoped would some day come to pass.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was difficult to have any positive thoughts when there was nothing positive being reported on Gwen’s condition. She was simply there. Dean’s repeated attempts to knock some sense in him had helped a little, though Sam was still having trouble looking on the bright side. He didn’t see one right now.

Dean pointed out that she didn’t need the breathing tube, that it was almost like she was just asleep, waiting for the right time to wake up. That was all well and good, except Sam needed something new. He needed to hear she’d regained consciousness.

“Something’s wrong with Sophie.”

The words pierced through his racing thoughts. Sam kept his eyes closed and remained still beneath the covers, listening as Jo continued. They thought he was asleep, but sleep was impossible. He couldn’t rest, his mind unable to stop moving at a million miles a minute, conjuring up scenarios where he arrived at the hospital to find Gwen dead. When he did sleep, he woke from nightmares where everyone around him died and he was left alone. He’d relive every loss he’d ever had in his sleep. Jess, dad, Dean. Jo and Ellen. He’d relive it over and over, with Gwen added to that number. Was it any wonder he didn’t sleep?

“I’m not sure how to explain it even. She’s herself, yet she’s not at the same time. She’s a little colder, not as friendly. I mean, Sophie’s a warm person and she’s not right now. She’s…wrong.”

Jack was alternating between making ‘da-da-da’ noises and content grunts, which meant they were probably feeding him. He enjoyed his meals like Dean did, enthusiastic for each bite.

“Sure she’s not still in shock? Mick did a number on her.”

For lack of a better thing to call whatever had taken Mick over, they were just using his name. He’d definitely done a number on her. She’d described him staring into her eyes until it had felt like a piece of her had been chipped away, leaving jagged edges inside of her. He’d done that a few times since finding her, like he was savoring her somehow.

Feeding, Sam thought. He was feeding on her.

“I know that, Dean. It’s not just me. Sophie told me she knows there’s something wrong with her. She can feel it. Says it’s like a chunk of her is missing and she feels a little detached from herself but can’t get back to normal. She knows and she’s been crying every day over it.”

Sam cleared his throat. “I think I know what’s wrong with her.” Opening his eyes, he sat up. “I’ve seen it too when she’s at the hospital. Not herself.”

Jo was the one feeding Jack. She had food on her t-shirt and when Jack turned his head and made a delighted noise Sam’s way, he saw more food all over Jack’s face and bib. “I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Tossing the covers off, he replied, “You didn’t. I’m not sleeping much these days.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Dean was eating pizza and it actually smelled good.

Sam joined them at the table, pausing to touch Jack’s back before sitting. The boy smiled at him and waved his hands. Sam reached for a slice of pizza. “Think about what Jo just said. Herself and not? Colder? Not friendly? Remember how I was? After that year?”

Understanding sparked in Dean’s eyes. “Her soul is gone?”

“If her crying is real, then I think only part of it is gone.” He took a bite. While it smelled good, of onions, garlic and spices, it had no taste, just like everything he’d tried to eat since the accident.

But it hadn’t been an accident, had it? That…thing had deliberately gone after Gwen. A deliberate attack when it couldn’t finish with them. Why hadn’t it finished with them? Had it not been strong enough yet? That was puzzling him.

“It was. It is.” Jo shrugged a shoulder, the spoon in her hand wavering as she talked. “She’s terrified and it’s real fear. I can see it. It’s not shock of what he did to her. It’s something very wrong with her.” She seemed unaware Jack was trying to reach the spoon, his mouth opening every time it got near and closing when Jo pulled back. Jack let out a screech. Jo looked at him and put the spoon in his mouth. “Guess he told me.”

“It’s probably a soul eater then. The thing that has Mick.”

Dean took a drink of beer. “You think?”

“I think it’s a good possibility. I’d been thinking either a shadow walker or soul stealer. Soul stealer seems to fit.”

“If it ate part of her soul, can she get it back?”

Sam shrugged. “Don’t know and right now I don’t really care.” He should care and under normal conditions he would. With Gwen still in a coma however, he had no other focus than her. Sam knew Dean understood. He got how Gwen was combined with Jess right now in Sam’s mind and how bad this was for him. “That shock you, Jo,” he asked. “That I don’t care?”

“Your mind is on Gwen. Everything else is periphery. I’m not shocked.”

He set the mostly uneaten slice of pizza down, that slight bit of appetite failing completely. “I think I’ll take a walk.”

He saw Dean and Jo exchange a glance and then Dean was wolfing down the last of his slice. “I’ll go with you.”

It was a transparent attempt to watch over him. They were all watching him like he was on suicide watch and Sam sighed. “Really? I can’t take a walk by myself now? What do you think I’m gonna do, Dean? What do all of you think I’m gonna do?” After a snort, he answered his own question. “You think I’m gonna head straight to the crossroads and make a deal to save her life.”

Dean met his gaze. “You telling me it hasn’t crossed your mind a few times these past days?”

“Maybe it did. But I think I’ve learned the lesson about demon deals from both our experiences with demons. I’m not stupid.” The words sounded bitter and harsher than he’d intended.

“I know you’re not, but we both tend to do stupid things when people we love might die on us.”

Sam had to concede that Dean had a good point and held up his hands in a ‘stop’ gesture. “It’s just a walk. I can’t walk at the hospital and I can’t just sit here doing nothing. I need to --”

“Work out tension through exercise.” Jo didn’t look at him, calmly cleaning up the table and Jack from the meal. “Exhaust yourself physically, so that even if your mind is still racing, your body will force you to rest.”

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s the only way I’ll sleep.”

Dean didn’t want to let him go alone, Sam could see it. He nodded, though. “Okay. Promise me.”

The concern there in his eyes, while welcome, was almost enough to make him break down and Sam stood, quickly reaching for his shoes. “I promise. Just a walk.”

He walked, trying not to think, his iPod up loud. The bands he listened to were ones Gwen had introduced him to: Skillet, Breaking Benjamin, and Flyleaf. He walked until he was stumbling and nearly to the point of calling Dean to pick him up, yet he pressed on and when he got back and went to bed, he finally slept.

~~~~~~~~~~

Abraham Bennett hated hospitals. He’d had the occasion to be in a few over the years and avoided them if at all possible, but this…. This he had to do, for Nic, for Aaron, and for the young woman who was his granddaughter.

When the call had come that Gwen was hurt, Nic had fallen apart. He’d had to watch her relive the call they’d gotten about Aaron and had questioned her repeatedly until she’d managed to tell him that Gwen was barely alive. He hadn’t been sure how to handle the situation. Going would be hard for them both, but it might give Nic some closure if she got to see Gwen at least once in person. It’d still be hard if Gwen died while they were there, though they would have closure they hadn’t gotten with Aaron. If they stayed home and discovered Gwen had died, Aaron’s death would come back again to Nic and might even destroy her completely.

They’d never quite recovered from Aaron’s death.

After dithering about in indecision longer than he probably should have, he’d called the hospital and discovered she was still there. An hour after the call, he’d packed Nic into the car and begun driving. They’d reached the hospital around midday and made their way to the waiting room on the floor Gwen was on. The plan was to meet Dean Winchester when he arrived and see if they could go in and see Gwen. At least that was what he told Nic. Ham had other plans.

He told her he was going for coffee, but had no intention of doing so, slipping instead down the hall and finding Gwen’s room. He wasn’t sure what he’d find when he stepped inside.

It was a private room. Sam was asleep at her bedside, as though his presence would keep her safe. His arms were folded by her hip, his head on them. He had the look of a man who’d logged more hours than a man should in this place. The boy had determination, he had to give him that. Maybe there was more Winchester in him than Campbell. Ham thought he’d be okay with Sam in that case.

Stepping close, Ham studied the woman that was his granddaughter. Nic had framed that picture she’d brought home at the end of January, putting it on the mantel right beside a picture of Aaron as a teenager. While the resemblance Gwen had to Mia was striking, Ham could see Aaron there in her. The line of her nose, the set of her jaw.

I’m too old to try this, he thought.

It had been years since he’d used his abilities. In fact, he wasn’t entirely certain they hadn’t dried up at Aaron’s death. He hadn’t been able to save Aaron, so what made him even think he could save Aaron’s child?

He was the seventh son of a seventh son, a rare thing that produced a fluke ability: he could heal people of their wounds. Some would call him a faith healer, but it wasn’t that. It was just an ability he had, a power caused by the right genetics.

Aaron would want this. Even after all they’d argued on, if Ham was in a position to save Gwen’s life, Aaron would want it. He’d want him to at least try. Ham thought he could consider this Aaron’s final request: save my child, dad.

Ham picked up her chart and read through it. When he was ready, he touched his hand to her forehead. For a long moment he felt nothing and thought maybe he’d been right and it was gone, but then he felt the tell-tale tingle in his arm, power flowing down into his fingers.

Gwen’s lips parted and she gasped, back arching a fraction, pulse picking up tempo.

The surge took all of perhaps ten seconds, yet felt like hours and when it was done, he knew for certain his ability to heal was gone for good now. He’d used it up completely.

She opened her eyes and blinked.

In seconds, this room would be filled with people and he pressed a finger to his lips, then pointed at Sam. While she was looking at the sleeping man, Ham left the room. Maybe Nic would guess what he’d done and maybe not. Maybe it’d simply be one more miracle the people here would talk about.

The world needed more miracles.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gwen opened her eyes. Standing by the bed was an old man. He motioned for her to be quiet, pointing at Sam.

Sam.

He was asleep, head resting on his folded arms.

How long had she been here? She felt weak, the effort of reaching out a hand to Sam tiring her. She touched his arm, then face, tracing the curve of his cheekbone. She tried to say his name and cleared her throat twice before sound would emerge. Even then it was a raspy whisper. “Sam. Sam.”

He stirred and opened his eyes, blinking.

“Hey there. Miss me,” she tried to say, the words barely coming out.

He was wide awake then, reaching for her as doctors and nurses rushed through the door to her room.