Title: Blood and Anesthetic

Chapter: 4

~~~~~~~~~

When Jo grew tired of sitting on the porch, she stepped back inside the cabin and went to the stack of books she’d noticed before. It amused her to see one of them was a historical romance by an author known to write stories one step above porn. She bypassed that one, glancing through the other titles and finally settling on the lone mystery novel, a story set in a bed and breakfast. Castiel’s taste in reading was as eclectic as Jo’s taste in music. She wondered if it was by nature or necessity. If she asked, he’d probably tell her.

Jo took the book to the couch and attempted to relax. Cas was right about it not being the most comfortable piece of furniture and she ended up shifting every few minutes on the cushions, approximately at the end of each short chapter.

She’d made her way through a quarter of the novel before Melanie returned, out of breath and with grass stains on her jeans. Melanie crossed to the couch and sat on the end opposite of Jo. Drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms about them, she gave off the impression of being eager to tell Jo anything.

“So…. Any questions? I’ll answer anything.”

Jo set aside the book and stretched a little. She had more than one, but where to start? Maybe with the part that puzzled her the most? “How about your relationship with Cas? Explain that to me.” She didn’t get Melanie and Cas together. She just seemed too young.

Melanie smiled, resting her chin on her knees. “He’s nice. Gentle. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m some young moron who can’t do anything.”

Doubtless a reference to Dean.

“Cas talks to me and I feel really good when I’m with him.”

“You have sex with him.”

“Not all the time. Occasionally. Maybe four or five times total. Like I said, he’s nice to me…and not like Dean at all. Cas is just safe, you know? When you’re with him, it’s like he’s a shield from all that bad stuff outside.”

Jo knew exactly what she meant. She and Ellen had been hunting a particularly nasty creature with Castiel and Dean a couple months after Jo had started seeing Dean regularly. Both Dean and Ellen had insisted Jo and Cas pair up. While it was clear to Jo at the time that Ellen thought Jo and Castiel wouldn’t find the creature, thus ensuring their safety and leaving the hard work for Ellen and Dean, she’d never been sure of Dean’s reasoning. More of the same maybe? He’d always had a big thing about keeping people safe, especially those he professed to care about. Jo and Castiel had found the creature however, one of those fluke happenings where they’d turned a corner and there it was. She would have been filleted if Cas hadn’t used that angel physical strength to haul the creature off her. That burst of strength had been the last of that particular ability, leaving him drained and shaking, but giving her enough to time kill it. Right then, though, Jo had felt what Melanie described: utter safety in his presence, despite the very real danger.

“You know about his past?” How much did any of the people in the camp know about him? If she understood correctly, they seemed to know all about her, so why not him, too?

Melanie pursed her lips. “Well…. The rumor about camp is that he was like a priest or something and lost his faith.” Her eyes widened and she sat up straight. “You knew him before, right? Is it true? Was he a priest? Did you know him when he was still, like, a holy man?”

A holy man. There was a sad humor in that explanation people had drummed up about Castiel. Jo sighed. If no one knew the truth about him, it wasn’t her place to tell it. “He was different then. We all were.”

“How different? Because I can’t imagine him any other way than how he is now.”

Jo didn’t know how to explain it so that Melanie would understand without giving away what he’d been. She thought a moment, considering the words she felt best described how he’d been back then. “He was focused, intense, and almost like a force of nature. The mission he was on cost him everything in the end, his family, friends, job, even his identity.” If she wanted to continue trying to explain past Cas, Melanie would be a rapt audience, watching Jo like she was a professional storyteller in the middle of a fascinating story. Instead, she shook her head. “What’s there to do here? Cas told me some things the day I got here, but I don’t really remember anything he said.”

“You want a tour? We could do that. I’ll take you over to meet a few people. I’ll introduce you to Emily and Alexis and Jack and we can stop in and see Chuck.”

She let Melanie plan their afternoon without interruption, waiting for the young woman to wind down into something a bit more realistic than her initial ideas of hiking back and forth all over the place.

“Maybe just a trip over to see Chuck? That might be better. I mean, you just got out of bed after three days. You should get your strength back before we see the whole camp. The supply cabin isn’t very far and he’s got chairs there you can rest in if you need to.”

As though Jo was frail. She might have laughed at that thought if she hadn’t been feeling a little shaky by the time they reached the other cabin. Three days in bed did take a toll, Jo gladly sinking into the chair Melanie led her to, then looking around the cabin.

It was well-organized in rows of shelves and cabinets, somewhat like a grocery store was. She saw shelves with clothing, shelves with food, and crude bins that looked like they had pillows and bedding in them. Some areas were sparse and others bursting. To one side was a makeshift desk, where clipboards were set out in a row.

A man came from the back with another clipboard, startled to see them, then hurrying forward. “Oh hey, hi. Jo, right? I’m Chuck. It’s nice to finally see your face. I mean, meet you in person.” After a moment of studying her, he added. “You’re close to what I pictured, though I had the shape of your face a little wrong.” He nodded to Melanie. “Mel, you’re just in time. Can you run over to Emily and get her pantry request list? She didn’t have it quite ready earlier and it’d save me a trip later.” When Melanie had gone on the errand, Chuck pulled a chair up to Jo and joined her. “Um…I’m sorry about Ellen. I really liked her. She was an amazing woman.”

“You knew my mom?” Jo wasn’t as surprised as she could have been. Her mother had known people from all over the country.

“Well…” He glanced down at the floor and back up. “Not personally. I wrote…. Did…did Dean ever mention…um…This is going to sound weird if he didn’t…”

“Yeah?” Her curiosity was piqued now. “Spit it out.”

“Did he mention a prophet to you?”

Jo thought back. She did have a vague remembrance of Dean and Castiel talking about some prophet, a conversation that hadn’t made much sense to her. At the time, she’d assumed they were discussing someone historical or even hypothetical considering the modern name…. Chuck. They’d called the prophet Chuck. Had they been discussing this man? Jo studied him. He didn’t look like a prophet, but then…what did a prophet look like? “Chuck the prophet. There was a mention a couple times.” Dean rarely used actual names for things like that, coming up with sometimes wholly inappropriate nicknames. It would have been just like him to take the name of some Old Testament prophet and decide he’d rather call him something else.

“I’m Chuck. I wasn’t sure if he mentioned me or not. Dean can be unpredictable and I only saw up to the middle of your relationship. After that it just faded like they used to do in old movies. Fade to black, you know?”

“Excuse me? You saw our relationship?” Jo felt like she was lurching from one ‘what the hell’ moment to the next. Was he serious?

“In visions.”

“What all did you see?” She narrowed her eyes, speculating on just what he could have seen her and Dean doing. How detailed did his visions get? Was he talking in general terms or in full triple X? For the second time in a single day, Jo’s face flushed from embarrassment.

“More than I wanted to see, believe me. Once I knew it was all real, the sex scenes started making me really uncomfortable.”

Made him uncomfortable? Oh geez. Jo crossed her arms and looked away. “So what you’re saying is you saw Dean and I having sex in your visions.”

“In some, not all. But back to what I was trying to get to…. I wrote a series of books based on my visions, and some of them included you and Ellen, though the whole Roadhouse storyline ended up not being published. I had to skip over most of it, but I really liked you and Ellen. I thought you were characters, you know, and there was so much potential for you both story-wise….” He paused, swallowing hard. “But you’re real and I’m very sorry about your mom, Jo. I feel like I know you both a little from the visions.”

While she didn’t doubt it was truth, it was more than she felt able or even willing to process right now. “Books. Storyline. Right.” She stood and went to the door. “It was nice to meet you Chuck, but I think I have to go now.”

“No, no, Jo wait!” He stood.

“No, I can’t…I can’t deal with this right now.” She saw him stepping towards her and was out the door in seconds, hurrying down the steps and along the path.

“I’m sorry I freaked you out,” he called after her.

Freaked her out? It went beyond a freak-out. It was too much to deal with, too soon. She was ready to crawl back in bed and drag the covers over her head for awhile just to get Chuck’s revelation out of her mind. Did his visions count as mental voyeurism? She was sick to her stomach just thinking about it.

Back at the cabin, she found that Castiel had returned. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes opening when she stepped through the bead strands. He smiled.

“Welcome back. I’m glad you went out for awhile.”

Jo sank down across from him, also sitting cross-legged. Her knees almost touched his. “Melanie’s going to think I ran out on her, but…it turns out I wasn’t quite ready to meet Chuck.”

“She’ll understand.” He leaned forward, peering at her with a curious glint in his eyes. “Did he tell you about the books?”

“He did.”

Cas shook his head. “Too soon,” he murmured and sat back up. “He should have waited.”

“Or not said anything at all. He the real deal? I remember you and Dean mentioned him a couple times.”

“If you mean was he a prophet, then yes, he was the ‘real deal’. His ability is gone now.” Leaning back on his hands, he asked, “Care to meet a few more people?”

“Not particularly, but if I have to I will. I’m still a little freaked out by Chuck.”

“So gracious.” His teeth flashed in a quick grin. “It’ll be quick. Alexis and Maggie are coming by to drop-off your cleaned, mended clothes and to change the sheets. You might as well meet them. They won’t stay long.”

Both women looked to be about Jo’s age. Alexis had long dark hair caught back in a loose braid while Maggie had short honey blond hair that kept falling into her eyes no matter how many times she pushed it back. While they were friendly, Jo decided she liked Melanie the best of the three.

He was right that the visit would be quick, the two women not tarrying in their tasks and soon they were gone, leaving Jo and Cas alone.

Jo liked being alone with him and was amazed at how quickly she felt at ease with him. There was a huge difference in being alone with him and being alone with Dean. With Castiel, Jo didn’t feel the tension she now felt with Dean. It was easy to pick that book up that she’d been reading earlier and become lost in the plot because Cas didn’t appear to mind that she read. Dean had always inundated her with questions -- What are you reading? Is it good? Any strange twists? You like that author? Cas, however, snagged a book from the pile and took the other end of the couch, stretching out.

It was a pleasant way to spend the afternoon, with only the sounds of the pages being turned. A few times, Jo looked up to watch him while he read. She couldn’t quite get over how different he looked with the beard. Had he grown it to distance himself from who he’d been? Or was it frustration over shaving every day? She shifted position again and flipped a page.

She could get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~

Cas coaxed her into taking a walk with him. It wasn’t supposed to be any long hike, merely a slow stroll over to the dining hall, yet her first question made him rethink that plan.

“What happened to Jimmy? That was his name, right?”

Thinking about Jimmy depressed him. It was cruel for Jimmy to have been left with Cas when none of Cas’s actions were Jimmy’s fault or doing. He should have been taken away to his final rest. Instead, Jimmy was punished for being a devout man. There was nothing right in it. Jimmy had done everything the angels asked of him. Why did they punish him for it? Was it only because of Castiel or was the general regard for humanity just that low?

He knew the answer. Zachariah and Uriel’s view on humans were the average ones. Jimmy had been left because they’d not thought it worth the time to show mercy to him before leveling their last spiteful punishment on Castiel.

Sliding his hands in his jeans pockets, he balled them into fists, trying to force himself from sinking into a bad mood over poor Jimmy. If he didn’t nip it now, it’d only keep building. “He’s still in here, reduced to the occasional voice in my head. When my powers started going, I lost the ability to let him surface fully. Half of the time, I don’t even know he’s awake until he says something.” He looked down at the ground, then sideways at her. “How long are you going to avoid fully facing what happened?”

She copied his expression and pose. “How long are you,” she returned, lips twitching into a wry smile.

“Mmm. Touché.” He started walking down the path. If Jo followed, good. The exercise and fresh air would be good for her. If she returned to the cabin, he’d try again tomorrow. He’d only gone a few steps before she was back at his side. Cas chose to continue the topic she’d introduced as though he hadn’t asked that question. “Sometimes I wonder what we’d be like today if he’d been half surfaced when the powers went. Would we be this schizophrenic mix of the two of us?”

People passed them, Alexis among them. She was jogging and focused on it, lost in her thoughts.

Jo matched his stride. “Split personality type thing? One dominant personality running things? You mean like that?”

“Maybe.”

Jo flashed a teasing grin up at him, even batting her eyelashes at him a few seconds. “Are you the dominant type, Cas?”

He chuckled, one shoulder lifting in a half shrug. “I can be.” Reaching out, he drew her right hand from her pocket and held it in his. “Do you want me to be?”

Her smile faded in slow degrees, her teeth dragging along her lower lip. “Maybe.” She looked away. “Let me think on that.”

She didn’t pull away. Hand in hand, they walked the perimeter of the camp, the same path the watch teams took, stopping when they reached the dining hall.

“Shall we go in?”

Before she could answer, the doors opened, Chuck and Dean coming down the steps. She watched Dean, but he didn’t even glance their way, heading off towards the shooting range. In a few seconds, her mood had plummeted, apparent in the tension that pulled her shoulders up and the hurt that returned to her eyes.

“I can bring you something if you’d rather go back to the cabin,” he offered.

Jo tugged her hand from his with a nod. “I think I’d rather, if that’s okay.”

“It’s fine. Any preference or shall I pick something?”

“I don’t care. Anything. I trust you.”

Cas waited until she’d disappeared back down the path before entering the building. Dean was going to be disappointed if he assumed Jo was going to be ready to rejoin the fight any time soon. She was hardly behaving like a woman wanting to go back to hunting.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean hated meetings, especially those management type ones necessary for a smooth running of the camp. With Bobby dead and Castiel higher than a kite most days, it fell to him as leader to okay everything. While he delegated as much as he could, Dean still had to look at an awful lot of boring details. Some days he thought he could handle the meetings better if he could bang his head against the nearest hard surface until his brains spilled out.

Chuck was a bright spot in camp management, efficient in his area to the point that Dean wondered where the old Chuck had gone. What had happened to the man who’d sat around in his bathrobe muttering bits of real dialogue while fast food containers threatened to topple over onto him? It had taken the Apocalypse to bring out his true skills in organization. Chuck ran that supply cabin better than Dean ever could. He had it down to an art form.

As the meeting progressed and began to wind down, he glanced at Melanie, watched her arrange cookies on the plates and check the coffee urn. As nervous as she always was, when setting up the room for these bi-monthly meetings she was in her element. She was good at providing a calm, even friendly, yet professional atmosphere. It was an impressive talent, her training showing through. If the world hadn’t become Lucifer’s playground, Dean thought she would have been successful in her chosen field.

Once the meeting was done, he remained in his seat, pretending to look over the papers Chuck had handed him while really studying Melanie. He decided he liked her better with her hair down about her shoulders, not pulled back like it was today. The severe style was too harsh. Dean drank the last of his coffee and wondered why she cried so easily. What was there in her past that made her that way? Cas could probably tell him, but he didn’t feel like asking Cas.

He cleared his throat. “Melanie.”

Cookies scattered across the table, the plate in her hand clattering onto it. She winced. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault --”

“Don’t worry about putting those away. Slap ‘em on a plate and bring it over here. I’ll eat them. I’ll take more coffee, too, if there is any.”

Her hands shook, the cookies sliding on the plate she set in front of him, nearly spilling again. Luckily, she didn’t spill the coffee, choosing to fill one of the insulated carafes for him. He nibbled at an oatmeal raisin cookie as she cleaned up, waiting for her to finish. The plan was to offer her a cookie off the plate and maybe coax her into talking for a minute, but she hurried out as though he’d yelled at her. The door banged shut behind her.

Weird.

Dean shook his head. Maybe another time. He rubbed the aching spot on the bridge of his nose with two fingers and began to go through Chuck’s report.

~~~~~~~~~~

A few more days passed, Jo beginning to settle into a sort of routine. She’d wake up, discover Cas already gone, and get dressed. Next up was breakfast with Melanie. They took a walk after eating, visited with various people and soon it was time for lunch. Cas joined them and sometimes Alexis and others were there as well. The afternoon was Jo’s usually, with Castiel coming in for a few minutes here and there. She wasn’t sure what he did all day.

She rarely saw Dean and when she did, it was almost like he didn’t notice her there. He was always looking the other way. In a strange way, Jo found that funny. While he’d cared enough to run and save her a final time, he didn’t care enough to talk to her.

Maybe she didn’t want to talk to him either.

Jo closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the couch, only to open them again at Castiel’s question.

“Do you like children?”

In the past, she’d once had a guy ask that before revealing he had an entire future mapped out for them that included three kids, a house in the suburbs, and the sort of daily routine that would have made her run screaming for the hills. Somehow, she suspected Castiel wasn’t leading up to such a revelation. “Yeah, I guess. I’ve never spent much time with any.”

Unlike other girls, Jo had never desired to spend her time babysitting. Her choice of teen job had been working at the Roadhouse.

He was leaning against the doorframe, looking for all the world as though it was the only thing holding him upright.

“They’re watching a movie today in the main lodge. You could join them. There’ll be popcorn and Emily always tries to make something special for them. I think they’re watching Wall-E. It won’t be just the kids there. A few adults go too. You won’t be out of place.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out he wanted her to leave the cabin for awhile, yet didn’t want to tell her to go. “Tired of me already,” she teased, getting up and going to him.

He took her seriously, grasping her arms with his hands and shaking his head, concern etched on his face. His hands slid along her bare skin, a soft caress up and down her arms. “No, of course not, Jo. I like having you here. I find your company to be quite enjoyable.”

“But you do want me to leave for a couple hours.”

“More like three. You could stay if you like, though it could be uncomfortable for you if you’re not participating.”

“Oh.” She leaned against the wall. “That’s today.” It hadn’t occurred to her that he held those here. Silly, she told herself. Where else would he have them? “No, I won’t stay. It’s not my thing.”

“I know.” He laid one forearm on the wall beside her and leaned against it, body brushing hers. “If you change your mind, you’re welcome to join us.”

His pupils were dilated and Jo took that in, processed it along with his relaxed manner and amiable expression, connecting the dots. “Are you high?”

He grinned, a slow stretch of his lips. “A little.”

“How can you be a little high? You either are or aren’t.”

“You take a little something.” Raising his other hand, he illustrated with thumb and forefinger about an inch apart.

She laughed. “Okay. I’ll, uh, get out of your way here and come back in three hours or so.” A few minutes later she was almost to the main lodge, studying it as she approached. ‘Main lodge’ sounded so grand and huge that the reality was a bit disappointing. The lodge was merely one of the bigger cabins that was a large open room with bathrooms and a small kitchenette at one end. It was at the heart of the camp, a United States flag waving from a pole in front of it. Someone had taken a tire and used it as a planter for wildflowers beside the pole.

The tv inside was left on all the time, even after the stations stopped broadcasting most hours. The static on the screen was muted, sound turned on only during broadcast hours or when, like today, a movie was being shown. Jo wondered if the big satellite dish outside picked up the news feeds before they officially aired. Cas had told her that Dean had someone monitoring the stations for whatever news the government deemed fit to release. Others monitored the radio, though there’d been little there save static for weeks.

Today, the tv was for the movie, people and children already in the room. The children had blankets on the floor up by the tv and there were plenty of folding chairs for adults. Jo took some popcorn and a glass of sun tea even though she really didn’t want either, and found a chair at the very back of the room near the door. She stayed for half the movie, not really interested in it or in talking to any of the people present.

Leaving the building, she took a direction she’d yet to explore, following the path around through the woods. Jo took her time, enjoying the journey since she didn’t know the destination. As the path wound about, she caught a glimpse of a small pond, water glinting in the sun. The scents of earth, pine, and flowering vines were soothing, Jo taking one deep breath after another. Her steps slowed as another person came into view, standing at the end of the path, looking down at the water.

Dean.

He turned, stared at her. His hands were in his jeans pockets, shoulders hunched. There was no welcoming light in his eyes, merely an acknowledgment that she was there. They stood that way for long minutes, staring at each other, Jo trying to figure out once more why he’d behaved the way he had on the drive here. No answers presented themselves, the hurt remaining. There was so much pain inside her from his behavior towards her that she wanted to beat his head against a tree until he told her why he hadn’t held her or comforted her the tiniest little bit.

When had he become such a jerk?

“Jo.”

Her lips parted and she crossed her arms, waiting. Once, he would have come to her, slowly drawing her into an embrace that was gentle and reassuring. His lips would press against her temple and he’d hold her, one arm bracing her, the other stroking along her back. She’d turn her face into the base of his throat and breathe the familiar scent of his aftershave.

She desperately wanted that now. No, she needed it. Jo needed to see that glimpse of how he’d once been, to know that man was still in there somewhere. She needed to be held by him.

He took two steps closer. “You know, you could thank me for saving you and bringing you back here.”

Jo blinked, eyes going wide as disbelief shot through her. For a moment, she thought she’d heard him wrong. Those were the words he chose to say to her after ignoring her for days? Was he really expecting thanks right now? Did he honestly have no idea how much his reticence to touch her those three days they’d traveled had cut into her? He might as well have ripped a knife through her gut. Not to mention that she’d lost her mother in one of the most horrific ways possible.

Yet he wanted her thanks? Not that she was ungrateful, because she was glad to be alive. It was just the wrong thing for him to say and the wrong time to say it.

“I came for you, Jo. When you called.”

Ellen had called, not Jo. She remembered her mother making that decision, trying over and over until the call went through, telling Jo that no matter what had happened between them, she knew Dean would always care for Jo. Ellen knew he’d come after them.

“Say something.”

She touched her tongue to her upper lip and shook her head before holding her hands up in a ‘back-off’ gesture.

“Are you…” His eyes narrowed, head tilting. She saw surprise and anger slip across his features. “Are you refusing to talk to me?”

She shrugged, nodded.

“Oh come on. Don’t be a bitch.”

It was the wrong thing to say once more and he should have known it. Jo whirled and returned down the path, running when she thought she heard him pursuing. She kept running until she couldn’t run anymore, sinking to the ground beside a truck and crying for all that was lost to her. Her sides ached, head pounding. She cried for her mother, for herself, and for Dean; for what had once been and couldn’t ever be again; for circumstances far beyond their control that had led them all to the present. Her mother was dead, Sam was gone, Dean was a man she barely recognized, and Jo never wanted to hunt ever again.

When she finally wiped her eyes and looked up, she wasn’t far from Castiel’s cabin. Three women stepped from it, talking and laughing quietly to each other. They didn’t notice her, which was fine with Jo. A glance at her watch showed that the three hours Cas had requested were up. While she didn’t recall the time passing, it obviously had. She sniffed and stood, walking the rest of the way to the steps and slowly up them. Inside, the curtains at the alcove to the bed were closed, a rustling of cloth coming from behind it. Jo stayed still, just inside the bead strands. Her temples were throbbing, her eyes felt hot and achy and it seemed that every muscle in her body screamed for rest.

Cas parted the curtain and tied one side back, turning his head to look at her as he did. “She’s still asleep,” he told her in a low voice. He was half dressed, jeans slung low, motioning for her to come in.

“Who?” She moved into the room.

“Melanie. She always falls asleep and she’s a bear to wake so I let her sleep.” He moved to the center of the room and stretched, twisting this way and that. Jo heard his back pop several times. “Alexis gets keyed up, Katie and Steph chill, Amanda likes to talk, and Maggie --”

“Cas, I don’t need to hear all about them.”

“Just in case you come back early you’ll know what to expect.” He reached for his shirt and paused, gaze returning to her. “You’ve been crying. What happened?” Abandoning the shirt, he came to her, enfolding her in his arms like she’d hoped Dean would do, doing that very same kiss to her temple Dean would have done once upon a time. “Tell me.”

Jo burst into fresh tears, arms going around him, holding him to her. His skin was hot to touch, with the scents of several perfumes mingled on it. She didn’t care. He held her -- the very thing Jo wanted and needed.

In his arms, she was safe.

~~~~~~~~~~

It came out all wrong. He’d said it the wrong way and she’d misunderstood, refusing to say one word to him or even stay long enough for an explanation. As more days passed, bringing Jo’s days in the camp up to fifteen, she continued to say nothing to him while talking to everyone else around them.

She gave him the silent treatment.

It pissed him off and Dean reacted without thinking.