Title: Blood and Anesthetic

Chapter: 16

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean watched Castiel and Jo and shook his head with every awkward, difficult interaction between the two. Cas was losing her. What the hell was going on with them? Sure, Cas had been difficult when his foot was healing, but could anyone blame him for that? Broken bones sucked.

He approached Cas and sat across from him at the picnic table. Cas was watching Jo and a few others play a game of volleyball. What would be the best way to approach this? “What are you doing, man? What is going on in your mind, huh? You’re going to lose her. You’re going to lose Jo.”

Cas shot a glance at him, then returned his attention to Jo. His gaze was haunted, that of a man who knows he’s screwed up pretty badly. It was an expression Dean had seen in his own eyes many times. Most days he avoided a mirror because of that expression.

“You told me you were going to hold on to her.”

“She’s going to leave anyway.” His shoulders shifted in a tiny, listless shrug. “Doesn’t matter what I do. She’s already halfway out the door.”

Dean studied him and hated what he saw. Cas was giving up on that life with Jo. He was letting himself sink into his vices and pull further from her. “So you two have one big blow-out, shoot ‘em up fight and you throw in the towel? Geez, Cas, Jo and I had hundreds of those before we even considered calling it quits. At least we tried to work through things. You? You’re not even trying. You’re all set to let her go.”

“It’s hard.”

In another man, his tone would be considered whining. With Cas, it was…. Dean crossed his arms and leaned against the table edge. No, it was whining any way he tried to look at it. Was it possible Cas hadn’t figured that out by now? It was hard work to get and keep a good woman, particularly one like Jo. It was hard to have a relationship, easy to screw around, and Cas had taken screwing around to a new level recently. He’d become an expert in screwing around. “Relationships take work, especially the ones that are worth making last.”

His laugh was a coarse bark. “Right. This coming from the guy whose longest steady relationship was a year and hasn’t had one since.”

“But it was a year,” Dean said, emphasizing the statement. “A whole one. I tried. Not very well, I admit, but I did try. So tell me, Cas, do you still love her?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then what are you doing ignoring her? Cut back on the women and the drugs and look at her again. Come on. Why do you love her? What about her makes you feel complete or whatever? Woo her back. She still looks at you that way, you know.”

“What way?” His attention finally on Dean alone, he gave that familiar puzzled frown.

He shrugged his brows. “Dude, you rock her world.”

“Rock her world,” he repeated with sardonic humor, then blinked, scorn falling away as Dean continued to stare at him, his head inclining as he waited for Cas to realize he was serious. The statement seemed to interest him the longer Dean stared and half nodded at him. “I do?”

“Totally. The point is, you’ve got to make some effort now. It’s easy in the beginning, when you’re both new to each other. It’s exciting.” He pointed a finger at him. “You know what I’m talking about. Learning about each other’s likes and dislikes, discovering that she actually seems to purr when you touch…. Never mind. The middle? That’s where it gets tough.”

“The wisdom of Dean Winchester.”

“Yeah, well I may not be very good at the actual doing part, but I do know what should be done. You love her, you fight for her. Hell, you fought me over her, Cas. Do you not remember that, because I do. I remember a knock-down drag out and then you telling me later that the love you felt for her was the fairytale stuff. Was all that talk about holding on to her a lie?”

“Never! I meant every word.”

Dean thought it was a good sign when the question incensed him, anger sparking in his eyes. It was good to see something besides apathy. “It’s not over until it’s over and you two aren’t done, so what are you doing here on the sidelines?”

“I screwed up, that’s what I’m doing here.”

He argued with Cas, tried to get him to do something, growing more frustrated by the minute. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the game end and the two teams disperse. When he glanced back, Jo was gone.

“I’ll think about it, Dean.” Cas got to his feet, rapping his knuckles on the table top several times. “Good talk.”

“Hell it was. You throw her away, you’re one dumb son of a bitch.”

“Maybe I am,” He sauntered away.

Dean hoped Cas would take his advice.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was the perfect fall day for reading. Jo laid on the bed in her cabin, that tiny cabin all of her own, and worked her way through a Terry Pratchett novel. While she missed having Cas right there with her, she didn’t miss his moods of late. He hadn’t snapped at her since that last day, taking her words seriously, but he still wasn’t how he’d been before his accident. Jo wasn’t sure if he ever would be the same. She just knew that it felt like there was some sort of rift growing between them.

Lunch came and went. She wasn’t hungry enough to go get any. Gradually, Jo fell asleep.

Hours later, she woke with a jerk, sitting, wondering what it was that had woken her. A noise, something familiar. She went to the door, looked outside. She smelled something…. Listening carefully, she waited, and heard it again: gunshots and the cry of ‘fire!’. That was what she smelled, the acrid stench of burning woods, plastics, and other materials. Jo reached for her gun, the one Dean had insisted she keep with her, checking it, and hurrying towards the commotion.

She came upon chaos.

The infirmary and main lodge were ablaze, bodies littering the ground. Jo counted fourteen of them. The heat was intense, people scrambling to put the flames out, someone screaming that there were children trapped inside the lodge. The infirmary was a lost cause, the roof giving way, tossing up a shower of sparks that by some miracle didn‘t ignite the trees overhanging it. She saw Cas and Dean working together with hoses and buckets, hurrying from one section to another, trying to stop the flames from spreading, joined in that effort by others, and decided she’d be in the way if she tried to help. It was better if she kept out of the way and did what she could elsewhere.

Jo moved from body to body, identifying people as she went, finally coming upon people she knew fairly well. Ashley and her daughter Beth. Stephanie, Amanda, Alan, and Alexander. It felt like a fist squeezing her stomach. Oh no. Their doctor was dead, as was one of Dean’s main management team.

She looked around again, this time spying Melanie curled up by the bushes at the start of the trails into the woods. She was in a tight ball, a gun beside her. As she approached, Jo saw blood on her clothes and skin.

“Mel?”

It took several tries before Melanie registered her there, staring up at her. Her gaze was regretful, sad, troubled, her voice raspy. “Alex was infected, Jo. He and Beth. Stephanie and Alan. All of them. I had to kill them, but the fire was already going.” She transferred her gaze to the flames. “I had to kill them.” She started laughing, the sound tinged with the beginnings of hysteria.

Jo knelt, hands clasping her shoulders. “Come with me, okay? Let’s go get you cleaned up.”

She led Melanie away from the fire.

~~~~~~~~~~

The gunshots had alerted Cas. While it wasn’t unusual to hear gunshots, they were far too close. He arrived to see Melanie shoot Stephanie, then stumble back towards the paths and sit heavily on the ground. There were other dead in the clearing. With the fire already going strong, he didn’t have time to waste with Melanie. If it wasn’t stopped, they could lose everything.

He found others joining him, discovered people at work already on the other side with hoses and buckets and waded in to their efforts to stop the blaze.

What felt like hours later, he paused, wiping sweat from his face with one shirtsleeve. He frowned, gaze touching upon faces there, streaked with dirt and soot. Here was Jo? She should be here. Castiel strode to the bodies, identifying each one. No Jo and when he asked, no one knew where she was.

Panic erupted and overflowed like lava from a volcano, sliding in a quick hot rush over his skin. Surely she hadn’t been in the infirmary or main lodge. Surely she wasn’t one of the ones they knew had been trapped there?

His imagination worked overtime, conjuring up images of her dead, or dying, burning to death. He stared at the remains of the infirmary and the still burning main lodge, feeling despair begin to join the panic. No, oh no. Not Jo. Not now. Not when he’d decided to take Dean’s advice.

Behind him he heard Dean telling a team to do a head count; go from cabin to cabin and check off every single person they could find because he needed a list of damage to their numbers. Castiel turned and ran, ignoring the twinge of protest from his newly healed foot, going to Jo’s cabin first, berating himself all the while for being so stupid. If he hadn’t been behaving like a self-centered idiot, she wouldn’t have been by herself. If he hadn’t been looking for comfort everywhere but with her…. He burst through the door so hard the knob put a hole in the wall behind it, one glance telling him she wasn’t there.

When he thought of life without her there, all that he saw were empty days yawning like a great chasm opening to swallow him whole. Bleak dark days with no ounce of light ever again. He would sink down into it unable to think or breathe until it consumed him.

He went on to Melanie and Alexis’s cabin, finding only Melanie there, asleep beneath her covers. There was a pile of bloody clothes on the floor. As a last ditch effort to find her, he went to his own cabin, hurrying though the beads, feeling sick, like he was going to throw-up.

Jo was there, pulling on a clean shirt. She looked up. “Hey. Fire out yet?”

“You’re here.” He went to her, tripping over his own feet, dragging her against him. Cas knew he was babbling and was unable to stop himself. “You’re here,” he repeated. “I thought…no one had seen you and there were people trapped in the main lodge…I was afraid --”

“Cas, I’m okay. I’m fine. I found Melanie and took her to her cabin. I practically had to carry her. She went in to shock. I had to stay with her awhile otherwise I would have been out there with Emily taking--”

He squeezed her tighter, burying his face in her neck, breathing in the clean, perfumed scent of her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I am, Jo I’ve been horrible --”

“Easy. Hey, let go, okay? I can’t breathe.” She shoved on his shoulders until he released a little of his grip on her.

“I thought you were dead and the thought of never seeing you again --”

“Sshhh.” She placed her fingertips to his lips and he kissed them, over and over. “I’m fine. I’m right here.”

“Where were you?”

“Well, I fell asleep in my cabin and woke up after the excitement had started. I found Melanie right away and spent the time with her.”

Cas kissed her, once, twice, three times and more, not drawing away until he felt calmer. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t particularly want to lose you either.” She rested her hands on his arms. “But this isn’t the time to discuss this, Cas. I didn’t mean to be so long with Melanie. I need to be out there helping Dean. We’re going to have a lot to figure out in the next few hours.”

He nodded, but when they returned to the fire, he kept her close to his side.

~~~~~~~~~

By the time Dean felt he could safely take his management team aside to confer what they knew about the tragedy, it was nearly one in the morning. The first order was to learn exactly what had happened. From what Jo said and what he’d heard from others thus far, Croatoan had somehow gotten inside the camp.

“Any idea how?” No one had any answers and Dean sighed. “Okay. Keep a watch for signs, you know what they are. Double up patrols, check every inch of fence. Alex liked to roam around, maybe he got out, got infected and came back in. I don’t know. We need to look for potential entrance points, any place they might get in. Patch holes if you find them, radio it in.” He dismissed them, still considering the how question. If Melanie’s story was true, patient zero could have been any of the four. Alex had liked to roam around and, being nine, a hole in the fence would have been intriguing. But what about Beth, Stephanie, and Alan?

“You want coffee, Dean?”

He looked up. Nina was in the doorway, a thermos in her hands. He didn’t recall having seen her before now. “You got plenty?”

She stepped inside. “I can make more.” She brought the thermos over and opened it, then found a cup on one shelf and poured some. “I, uh, I might have an idea what happened.”

Taking the coffee, he tipped his head back to study her. She was tense, features pinched and drawn. Nina didn’t look so beautiful right now. She was every inch the age he’d pegged her at when he’d first met her: late-thirties. “Go on.”

“Alex disappeared earlier. Alexis thought he was just hiding from her because he didn’t want to take some test she and Noah were giving, but I saw him by the fence at the north end and he looked…odd. I didn’t think anything of it really, because he always behaves a little weird. Behaved,” she corrected herself. “One day he’s a cowboy, the next he’s George of the Jungle or something. Kids, you know? I thought…. He headed towards Ashley’s cabin. Maybe I should have said something then.”

“So you think he infected Beth and they got Stephanie and Alan?”

“Alan liked them both and….” she sighed. “He and Stephanie had a thing going. She’d meet him in his cabin about noon --”

“Which was right next to Ashley’s out there on that end. Isolated from the rest. Alan and Ashley both like the privacy.” He nodded. The timing worked out. “Okay. Anything out of the ordinary next time? You tell me immediately. We can’t afford to wait on things like that.” Reaching out, he put the top back on the thermos and slid it to her. “Wanna tell me what you were doing at that fence?”

“I was taking a walk.” Her reply was smooth and too quickly said.

Dean snorted. Whatever. She’d probably been screwing someone. “You really a nurse before all this, Nina?”

A wariness grew in her eyes. “Yeah, why?”

“Because as of right now, you’re the closest thing we have to a trained medical professional. Dust off your skills, sweetheart. You’ve been promoted to Doc.”

“Dean, I don’t --”

“You said you worked in an E.R. Now unless you want to admit to lying to me…?” She remained silent, then slowly shook her head. “Good. Time to quit playing around, Nina. Take some coffee to the team watching the fire if that’s what you’re committed for right now, then take your ass around to each cabin. Check for signs of Croatoan and keep doing it over the next day. Make sure you see every person accounted for and mark them off after each visit. I want a report tomorrow.”

She snatched the thermos up, lips tight. “Whatever.” With a miffed sniff, she left.

By morning, the damage was easily discernable, though the remains smoldered, too hot to approach with any comfort. A portion of the main lodge was still standing, yet badly damaged, three more bodies in the wreckage, two of which were children. Using binoculars to look because of the heat, Dean didn’t think any of the three were burned. It must have been the smoke that killed them. The death toll was seventeen. They no longer had an infirmary or a doctor, all of their medicines and medical supplies gone. Whatever Cas had in his stash was the brunt of their supplies until they could raid for more.

He sat down with Chuck, going through the last inventory Alan had handed in, a tiredness creeping on him with every page they turned. Finally, Dean just closed the folder and slapped it down onto the table. “Damn it! We’re starting from scratch again.”

“The vehicles all have first aid kits and most of the cabins have some form of kit even if it’s just antibiotic cream or iodine and bandages, but yeah…we’re down to nothing really. We have to go out today. I don’t see anyway around it.”

“Go out and search for essentials that probably aren’t there anymore.” He wondered if Lucifer was behind it. If Alex had been lured away and sent back for this purpose. At this point, it wouldn’t surprise him. “Fine. Get two teams ready. We’ll send them in opposite directions.”

“Two? But that’s --”

“Do it. I’ll be on one. Find Jo, tell her I need her to be visible while I’m out.”

End of discussion.

Dean’s team went to the city a couple hours to the north, slipping past a U.S. Army patrol and heading towards confirmed Croat territory. The boundaries of the infected area had increased since they’d been this way last, the damage to the buildings more severe. The inner fence, one of them at least, was wrecked. It looked like someone had tried to drive a semi through it. Maybe they had. It had amazed many people how quickly the government had slapped up fences to contain areas and then slapped up more when those looked like they weren’t going to hold.

Dean put himself into mission frame of mind, guns ready, hyper-alert for trouble. If all went well, they’d be on their way before night fell.

They found a pharmacy, took what little was there and headed for the next, moving from one building to another in rapid succession. Their cache was piss-poor in his opinion, but at least they’d found a few things they could use: syringes, ace bandages, more iodine and some plain old aspirin. Of course the syringes were useless without medicines to go with them. He hoped the other team would have better luck.

They killed Croat after Croat before Dean decided it was getting way too hot to stay. “Pack it in. Let’s get the hell out of here.” Upon returning, he found Jo waiting, Cas not far behind her, watching her.

She came to him. “Beta team brought back nine people, all healthy, all willing to put their supplies in the camp pot for use. They’re tired, awfully twitchy, and one of them says she was some kind of counselor. I don’t know. She and Nina seem to make a good team though. Jane, that’s her name, keeps the people calm while Nina checks them out. So far they seem clean.”

He noticed Cas kept far away from any boxes that were being unloaded. “You think Nina really was a nurse then?”

Jo shrugged. “She looks to be doing exactly what Alan always did. Won’t know until it’s something major.”

“Unfortunately.” He motioned towards the supply cabin. “Guess that’s our new infirmary as well as supplies warehouse. What’d beta bring back?”

“A few antibiotics, nothing heavy-duty. Some pain meds and antacids.” They walked towards the cabin, Cas trailing behind them. “I got Cas to part with a chunk of his pills. He’s kept the ones he prefers and even brought over half that box of condoms and what-not. He admitted he was possibly hoarding a little much.”

“How did you manage that?”

“Don’t ask.”

He thought it likely had something to do with Castiel’s panic when he wasn’t able to find her the previous day. “All right. Take me to wherever Nina’s got these new people and let me see them.”

The next few days were a whirl of activity as they tried to control the damage and merge new people into their routines.

~~~~~~~~~~

Having to shoot friends and children had done something that Jo hadn’t thought possible. It brought some needed maturity to Melanie. She became quieter, more focused on the task of learning whatever Jo and Dean asked of her. She left Castiel’s company of women for the most part, dragged with much emotional pain into present circumstances. Dallying with Cas no longer meant what it had. In only a few hours, Melanie had gone through a traumatic experience that caused a surge of growth. She hadn’t stood still in the face of danger, acting instead, proving that the constant drills Dean and Jo had put her through did work. She gained confidence, using that confidence for something besides sex games in the afternoons.

Cas’s group was shrinking. Jo watched it happen as 2013 began to wind down. With Katie, Stephanie, and Amanda all dead, Alexis seeing Jim and showing signs of reforming her ways, and Melanie occupied elsewhere, the only steady one left was Maggie. Jo was sure there were a few others here and there -- though she wasn’t certain who they were because she never saw them --, but no one who kept returning like the core group had. The core group was a thing of the past.

It was a new experience to have Castiel’s nearly steady attention and Jo relaxed, enjoying it. Even when she’d first arrived he hadn’t been such a constant presence beside her. There’d always been hours where he was off doing other things. Now though, it was like the idea of losing her forever made him commit to working through the rough patch they’d hit. By mid-December, they’d managed to regain their ease with each other and the relationship they’d had before. It took a lot of hard work from both of them and Jo recalled many comments her mom had made about pushing through the rough spots -- what Jo had thought she was doing with Dean way back when and what she actually did with Cas.

It seemed like everything was going to be fine, that her sense of losing him had been merely a reflection of how out of control she’d felt.

Jo hoped that was the case.