Every 28 Days 

Summary: All the women in the X-mansion have PMS at the same time.

Fandom: Comic, I guess, maybe cartoon?

Rating: R.  A few swear words and general ickiness factor.

Disclaimer:  Characters belong to Marvel.  Don't know who "The Naughty Gary Owen" (Rogue's drinking song) belongs to, but I got it from a friend of mine a few years ago (Keating, thank you, that song is in my head now and I can't get it out).  Don't know where he got it.  Any name-brand items in this, don't own them either.

Feedback:  Yes, please.  I worked long and hard on this and would like to know if someone enjoys it.

Author's Notes:  Thanks to Stacey, who brainstormed the original outline with me while bored at the Shake-up stand and encouraged me to finish it.

Prologue

Dark, foreboding clouds covered the moon, obscuring it from view.  Swiftly, they crossed and covered the startlingly clear night sky.  Thunder rumbled loudly.  A breeze blew up, strong and steady.

A woman, with long white hair, hovered above the mansion, wearing a pair of silky pajamas, her arms outstretched and head thrown back.

"I call upon the rain to come and fall!  At my command!"

Wind now whipped, a soft pattering of rain beginning on the window panes of the mansion below her, gradually increasing until rain fairly fell from the sky in a torrent, pitcher to bowl.

"Rain!  Rain!"

It soaked her, her pajamas clinging to her as she returned, with a satisfied smile, to the roof and went inside.  Ororo Munroe made her way back to her room, dripping on the floors as she went and unaccustomedly unconcerned for it.  In her room, she dropped her sodden pajamas on the bathroom floor and put on a clean nightgown, the loosest she could find.  She shook two Midol from a large bottle and gulped them down with water from the carafe by her bed.  Groaning, she crawled under the covers and curled into a ball.  Finally, her cramps were lessening.

Ooohh, Goddess....

Calling the rain seemed to have helped.

Ororo slipped off into an uneasy sleep.

One: Day One, Breakfast

It began with an innocent question at the breakfast table.

"Jean, could I get more coffee while you're up?"

The normally even-tempered redhead slammed the coffeepot back down on the burner and turned with a snarl.  "You got two legs, Scott, do it yourself.  What do you think I am, your personal slave?  Do I have to do everything for you?"  She picked up a sponge, wet it, then ran it over the uncluttered and clean counter with an expression of disgust. "You people are pigs.  I'm always cleaning up after you," she muttered.

Scott's mouth dropped open slightly and he sat staring at her, his hand still outstretched with the empty coffee mug in it.

Rogue's eyes darted back and forth at the food left on the table and the men still eating.  She lit upon the plate of giant cinnamon rolls, taking the last two just as Wolverine reached for one, her look daring him to object.  Her lip continued to curl until his hand wavered, picking up two pieces of toast instead.

Staring blankly into her full mug of cold coffee, Storm picked absent-mindedly at a bowl of fruit with her knife.  "I didn't sleep well." She yawned.  "I feel like I've got a whole river of water packed on me, stretching my body out by slow inches."

Gambit was blissfully ignorant of anything out of the ordinary, concentrating on eating and planning his day.  He took the last four pieces of bacon, coming rudely into the present when Rogue smacked his hand, took the pieces he'd dropped and began salting them.  Heavily.  He rubbed his injured hand; she'd smacked him hard enough that he'd have a bruise later.  "Umm...Cher?"  He began, then thought better of saying anything as Xavier, Wolverine, Beast, and Cyclops all shook their heads.

"What?"  Rogue asked innocently, chewing on one piece while adding more salt to the other three.  "Ah'm sorry, sugah, did ya want more bacon?"  She offered a piece to him.  Her look of innocence wouldn't have fooled a blind, deaf and naive priest.

Gambit shuddered.  "No, I t'ink I'm done."

"Just look at this mess.  There's about fifty pans here, Scott."  Jean squirted dish detergent into one sink and began to fill it, then gestured to the three pans on the stove. "Can't you even bother cleaning up after yourself?  Did you have to use every pan in the cupboard?"

Scott didn't answer her.  He knew better.  Stick with the safe replies like, 'yes, Jean,' and 'it wasn't me, Jean.'  As neither reply would help the matter, he stayed silent.

Jubilee came in, dressed in baggy jeans and a t-shirt that Wolverine vaguely recognized as his.  Bobby, who was looking at her warily, trailed her.  Wolverine was about to ask about the shirt, but was dissuaded by Xavier's deepening, troubled frown.  Jubilee slid into the chair between Gambit and Wolverine, took a pancake, liberally sprinkled it with sugar from the sugar bowl, cut one stick of butter in half, and rolled it in the pancake.  Then, with concentration that rivaled Hank in the lab, emptied the last of the maple syrup into a bowl and dunked the rolled pancake into it.

Bobby, carefully avoiding Jubilee, took a piece of toast, "I gotta...thing.  See ya," and made a beeline for the door.

He didn't make it.

"Sit down!"  Jean yelled, slamming the last clean pan onto the drying rack.  "If you think you're gonna trail crumbs all over this house, boy, you've got another thing coming.  Sit!"

"Yes, ma'am, sitting ma'am."  Meekly, he sank into the chair beside Scott, trying to wolf down his toast as quickly as possible without choking.  Choking would probably make the Jean-creature mad.

Storm got up and left the table, leaving coffee and fruit untouched.  Still in her nightgown and robe, she went outside.

Jubilee finished her pancake and lifted the bowl, drinking the syrup like she would milk in cereal, oblivious to the shudders of Wolverine and Gambit beside her.

Rogue beat everybody to the last of the coffee, then retrieved a new bottle of syrup from the pantry before taking the last pancake.

With a chagrined expression, Ororo returned, shuffling past them.  "I forgot to get dressed."  At the hall doorway, she turned back for a second.  "Does anyone remember it raining?"  She lifted the hems of her nightgown and robe to show her wet slippers. "I don't remember it raining."

Beast and Xavier, who'd remained quiet in order to finish quickly and make their escape, now glanced at each other. "Now," Beast began, "might be a good time,"

"To take that trip to Muir Island." Xavier finished for him.

"My bags are packed and in the Blackbird."

"Funny coincidence, so are mine.  Great minds think alike."

Jubilee groaned, arms wrapped about her middle. "Does anyone know where the Midol is?"

Xavier and Beast left the kitchen with something closely approximating undue haste.

"Anyone?"  Jubilee drew one knee up, foot on the edge of her chair. "Oohh, I got killer cramps!"

The rest of the men stood, babbling excuses in their haste to leave.

"Things to do...."  Scott and Bobby began.

"Need to get started...."  Wolverine said.

Gambit opened his mouth.

"Remy?"  Voice sugary, possibly from the month's portion of sugar she'd just consumed in less than half an hour, Rogue looked up.  "Logan sweety?  Would one a'ya go t'the store fer me?"

"Eeep!" Scott dragged Bobby away before they could be recruited.

Wolverine shook his head.  "I'm not buyin' yer girlie things, darlin'."

Reaching out, Rogue caught Gambit's hand. "Remy?"  She batted her eyelashes.

He squirmed under both her pleading gaze and Logan's amused one, but didn't have time to answer.

Jean hurried over.  "Store?  You're going to the store?  I need tampons.  Big box.  Super-absorbent."  When he faltered, she grabbed him by the front of the shirt, yanking him face to face.  "You're going."

"Better write him a list."  Wolverine's lips twitched until Jean's gaze found him.

"You're going with him."

"Jeanie!  I got things to do...."

"Listen up, you hairy beast," she now had each of them by the shirtfront," I need tampons and I need them NOW!"

He grimaced.  "Super-absorbent, right?"

From the table came Jubilee's voice. "While you're there, I could use some of those ultra-thin long overnight pads and Midol.  Lots of Midol.  The really big bottle with like a thousand in it." She sighed and muttered, "Some bitch stole mine."

No one reprimanded her for language.

Rogue spoke up.  "Pick up a couple pies from the bakery and some potato chips..."

"Chocolate.  Wolvie, I need chocolate..." Jubilee's tone was pleading.

"...those salt and vinegar ones, and some bags of McDonalds fries..."

"...chocolate bombs, and gummi worms, a whole big bag, and Shock-a-lots..."

"...donuts, with jelly and creme..." Rogue got up and went into the pantry.

"Okay, okay,"  Remy held up his hands in surrender, "I go t'da store."

"Wolvie?" Jubilee warbled piteously.

"What, darlin'?"

"Lots of Midol.  Unless you want me to be miserable."

"You know I don't want you to be miserable."

Jean snorted and filled a bucket with cleaning solution bottles, sponges and paper towels.

"You do.  You both do!"  Jubilee's lower lip quivered.

"Oh now, P'tite..." Gambit began.

Wolverine jerked him to the door.  "Get movin' Cajun, before the waterworks start."

"You hate me!" Jubilee burst into tears, chest having with sobs.

"Jean..." Wolverine turned to the redhead, who snorted again.

"You upset her, you deal with it.  Insensitive pigs."  She left, bucket of cleaning supplies in hand.

"Rogue, Cher..." Gambit started.

Rogue glanced towards Jubilee, not really seeing her.  The girl's sobs ringed the room, but Rogue merely returned her attention to contemplating the pantry shelves.  "Salty...."

With a martyred sigh, Logan moved back to the table and gathered Jubilee to him, murmuring comforting words.  "We don't hate you--"

"Yes, you do!"

"--everyone loves you, Jubilee.  Cajun, get over here and hug Jubilee so she knows you love her--"

"You want me to be in pain!"

Remy hugged the girl.

"You love me?" She sniffled.

"Yes, we love you--" Logan nodded.  Reassure her, that's it.  Let her know you care--

"If you really loved me you'd be at the store by now!"

Wolverine and Gambit flashed disgusted 'we sure as hell can't win' looks at each other and moved to the door.