The Long Road Back

Chapter Nineteen: Back to Life

~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks after Palpatine's death, Padmé took a trip to Naboo to see her family. She wasn't certain what sort of reception she could expect. Though she'd tried to keep herself out of the spotlight, the fact that she was alive had been leaked and it had been all over the news reports. Ready or not, she had to see her family.

From reputable papers: "Padmé Amidala alive and working to restore Democracy!" "Amidala's efforts to save the galaxy!" "Skywalker, Kenobi and Amidala -- what a team!"

And from the tabloids: "Amidala reunited with former lover and living in penthouse palace." "My life in hiding -- an exclusive interview." Not that she'd spoken to anyone from that particular paper. It didn't stop them from publishing the fictitious accounting however, which she was amused to note, included secret meetings with Anakin and regular sojourns together to the grave of their child. Children and still living, but the media didn't know that. How very not secret their meetings during the Clone Wars had been!

Her family had undoubtedly seen or read at least one of the many reports. She went alone, promising to be back in time for the reception being held in their honor. Upon arrival on Naboo, she was disappointed to find no one waiting to meet her transport. She felt slapped, the air punched from her lungs, stopping to find a private place and have a good cry. Her tears lasted for nearly half an hour.

Padmé patted cool water on her face. "Well," she whispered to herself, "I did deceive them for nearly five years, letting them think I was dead. They feel hurt, betrayed, angry. I understand completely." Still, she had trouble convincing herself that she understood. With a body that trembled from emotion, she walked to her parent's house and was disappointed further when no one answered the door. Once, she would have walked in. Now, she felt strange in doing so.

With a sigh, she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Surprise!"

The front room was filled with people. She glimpsed family, former handmaidens and anyone her family knew she'd considered a friend. Padmé stood unmoving in the doorway, unable to think of a single thing to say. Her emotions welled once more. The room quieted, smiles on faces slipping away. Her mother moved towards her, enfolding her in a warm hug.

"Welcome home," she whispered in Padmé's ear.

Padmé's tears came anew. "No one met me! I thought--"

"What do you mean no one met you? Sola? Where are they?" Her mother's expression shifted, became concerned. "We sent Ryoo and Pooja, Padmé. They couldn't wait to see you. They talked for hours about what they were going to tell you first. I can't understand where they got to. They promised not to dawdle."

Sola left and quickly returned, joining them, also hugging her, though their mother had yet to let go. "They stopped to buy a gift, got turned around and were waiting in the wrong place." Which probably meant that they'd actually run into friends and lost track of time.

"How could you think we wouldn't send someone to meet you?" Her mother was hurt by the idea and Padmé quickly sought to smooth over her mistake.

"I'm sorry, mom. I've been --"

"Emotional," Sola interrupted. "You must be so tired from keeping silent. I can only imagine how stressful staying away has been for you."

The rest of her visit played out in a similar fashion. Once details about her life after her 'death' were revealed and reasons put forth, she found most people quite willing to return to friendship and play 'catch up'. She even spent hours telling her parents and sister the truth of her relationship with Anakin. Sola had that 'told you so' gleam in her eyes when Padmé mentioned the secret marriage and both Sola and their mother then turned that same glance to her father when he'd asked ten times in a row if her pregnancy had really been legal. He was greatly relieved to learn she'd been married the entire time.

Padmé left for Coruscant two weeks later far more relaxed than she'd been in a long time. She'd promised to bring Anakin back openly, as her husband, though how was she going to admit the fact to the galaxy at large? Easily, she realized, since Obi-Wan and Dormé freely admitted their marriage. She and Anakin had nothing holding them back from confessing their own marriage.

In the political area, she distanced herself. She didn't want to get sucked in again and have to suffer disappointment if the New Republic idea didn't work out. What could she do instead of political service, however? She already knew that hobbies didn't work out so well.

She thought about it as she readied herself for the reception, finally dismissing any plans in order to concentrate on preparing herself. This party had started out as a small reception and since she'd been gone, had grown to include dinner, dancing and entertainment, not to mention having been moved to several different locations as the guest list had increased. It seemed everyone wanted to see them.

Anakin was nervous when she met him in the hallway, tugging at his tunic and cloak and looking every bit a Jedi in his outfit. Well, except for the color. While his pants were a tan shade, the rest of the outfit was turquoise and his cloak the shade of brown Obi-Wan usually favored. "I look fine, right," he asked.

Padmé smoothed her own elaborately embroidered white dress. "You look great, Anakin."

His gaze did a long tour of her. "And you look as beautiful as you always do." He held out his arm. "Shall we? Dormé and ObiBen are downstairs waiting."

She smiled. He was trying so hard to remember Obi-Wan's name change. Half the time he forgot and the other half, he'd remember as he said his name and end up scrunching the two together. Sliding her arm through his, she let him lead her into the elevator.

~~~~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan was bored. He didn't particularly like these sort of parties and keeping track of his wife was becoming difficult. She'd found old friends and promptly discovered more. When he told her he was going to get a drink, she'd nodded distractedly, completely engrossed in whatever former handmaiden Eirtaé was telling her, though how she could hear what the woman was telling her when she herself never stopped talking was beyond him. He simply chalked it up to one of the great wonders of the galaxy. Obi-Wan only vaguely remembered Eirtaé and he couldn't remember if Dormé had ever worked alongside her.

He ordered his favorite cocktail, then wandered the gathering awhile, pausing to watch Padmé and Anakin mingle with the guests. Padmé was in her element, greeting people as though she remembered each and every one of them. Perhaps she did, he reflected. As a Senator, she'd known quite a lot of people. Anakin wasn't enjoying the affair any more than he, barely managing to conceal his boredom. Obi-Wan wondered with high amusement how well Vader had enjoyed such parties. Had he made faces beneath the mask, annoyed at having to attend?

Anakin looked his way and grimaced, then sighed and returned his attention to the dignitary before them.

Obi-Wan continued walking, finished a circuit of the room and suddenly saw a familiar face from the past. His eyes widened. It was the distant past, yet how could he forget that face? Well, well, well. Whatever was Baron Gorash doing here? He recalled that while he and Anakin's part of that mission had succeeded, the second half of the mission long ago to the Baron's ball had not produced the proofs needed to incarcerate him. He'd gone free.

Curious, he followed the Baron, unsurprised to see him on the arm of a tall blond woman who held a remarkable resemblance to Anakin. Amused, he noted that while she wasn't as busty as they'd made Anakin appear, she wasn't far behind those measurements. The couple parted company just inside the door, the Baron helping himself to some punch and making his way towards Anakin and Padmé.

This, he sensed, was going to be interesting. Would Anakin remember him?

~~~~~~~~~~

Anakin was ready to leave. Never mind that they hadn't been served dinner and the reception had barely begun. He was bored. Glancing around, he saw Obi-Wan had left Dormé's side and had a drink in his had. Bring me one, he thought at him, hoping Obi-Wan would take his grimace as a hint to do just that. He could use one of those blue drinks his friend liked so much. He'd learned during the Clone Wars the sort of punch the mixed drink could bring about and thought he could use a little tipsiness to get him through the next few hours. But no, Obi-Wan instead turned and walked away. Anakin wondered if he'd really seen a smirk on Obi-Wan's lips as he'd turned.

He smothered a yawn, listening with only half an ear to Padmé's conversation with the dignitary. What was his name? Anakin couldn't remember and didn't bother trying. The incoming guests were more interesting than the conversation. He saw Bail Organa arrive alone. Where was Organa's wife? Had she come with him and would arrive later? Or was she still back on Alderaan? Anakin started to point out the man's arrival to Padmé, thinking she'd want to see her former ally in the Senate, when she caught his attention to the next guest in line to see them.

"Anakin, this is Baron Gorash. He was one of my supporters before the war."

He looked down at the familiar man, trying to figure out where he'd seen him before. Vague memories of having conversations with him came to him, but he didn't quite.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. May I say, you look very familiar." The Baron was peering up at him with a frown.

Anakin nodded, making a noncommittal noise. He knew they'd met before, but where? And under what circumstances?

Padmé threaded her arm through his. For a brief second, her expression indicated she thought Baron Gorash was a complete idiot. "Well, Anakin was featured prominently in news reports during the Clone Wars."

Gorash shook his head. "No, no. That's not it. Have you relatives on Floxycintilaria? A sister or cousins?"

"Floxy?" Padmé's brows rose and she looked at Anakin.

He looked back. Oh yes, now he remembered Gorash. Ashy. He felt a hot flush creeping up his cheeks. That was a story he'd rather forget. "No, Baron. I'm sorry, I've never been to Floxy?" It wasn't a lie. He remembered making up the planet, so he couldn't have ever been there.

"Floxcintilaria. A tiny planet, very hard to find. The people there are gender switchers, you know. I met the most delightful young woman from there years ago, but she simply disappeared from my life."

Anakin's smile felt pasted onto his face. "I've never heard of it."

Obi-Wan joined them. His big grin would have made a Wookie nervous. "Hello, Baron. How have you been? Well, I trust?"

Thankfully, Obi-Wan led the man away.

"What was that all about," Padmé asked, curiosity in her eyes.

"Oh, nothing."

"Nothing?" She laughed. "By the look on your face, I somehow doubt that."

She dropped the subject, for which he was glad. He didn't particularly wish to tell her the tale here. Maybe later.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was her! Him, rather. Gorash knew it in his bones. Anakin was his Ani, his gender changing warrior prince/princess. For days after his ball, he'd had only vague memories of the tall woman, memories that had gradually sharpened until he'd remembered heruhhim.

Of course the scarring on his face didn't change matters. Ani was still attractive, but now Gorash was quite confused. Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi, which meant he'd been a Jedi back then. Or had he? Gorash didn't know how the Jedi thing worked. He'd never been interested enough to find out. Nor had he paid much attention to pictures of Kenobi/Skywalker during the war, uninterested in them except to note that they were doing a good job. To see Anakin up close though! It was his Ani. Was Ani still heir to the throne? Had the fortune been wiped out in the war? How did his Ani become Anakin Skywalker? Oh, he wished he'd paid more attention to reports back then!

I don't understand, he thought, letting the bearded man lead him away. "I'm well, I suppose, though...."

"Confused," the man finished for him.

"Yes," he admitted, nodding. "You're familiar as well, sir. Are you...? I mean to say, you were Ani's guardian?" He couldn't help the hope swelling inside him.

The man's eyes twinkled with good humor. "Ben Kenobi." His lips stretched into a wide smile. "As you have surmised, Baron, Ani's plans changed drastically after we left you." He stroked his beard with forefinger and thumb.

"How drastically?"

"Imagine the sort of teasing involved with 'gender switching'."

"Yes." He could well imagine. Poor Ani! To be cruelly teased for a natural occurrence among her people.

"Ani made a decision for his future. That decision involved the lovely Padmé."

Gorash glanced at her. She was pretty he supposed, but nowhere near as beautiful as his Ani had been. Not to mention her assets weren't nearly as bountiful. Disappointment lay heavily on him. "Tell me straight, please. What happened to Ani?"

"Ani decided to remain as Anakin. There was a simple procedure to stop the switching process --"

"I see." He did, too. True love had bitten Ani. As Anakin, he'd fallen for Padmé Amidala and made a decision that changed his entire life. Gorash and Ani the warrior princess were not meant to be. Had Anakin told Padmé of his heritage? By his quick denial of ever having been there, Gorash doubted it. Would it have put her off or were there familial considerations in that particular decision? Had Anakin's family disowned him for choosing to remain one gender? Ahh, well, he sighed to himself. He would remember Ani in his thoughts. "Then I shall recall my memories as blissful moments of a lovely woman who is no more."

"You do that." Ben nodded and rejoined the two, leaving him alone. Gorash watched them for awhile, then went off to find his date for the evening. He'd been agonizing over whether or not to marry Lyria for months now, holding on to the hope that someday he'd see his Ani once more. Now to put that dream away. He'd often thought that he could grow to love Lyria. Well, now he'd make his commitment in full.

Gorash lavished extra attention on his date and finally let go of all thoughts of Ani from Floxycintilaria, that elusive planet he'd never been able to find.

~~~~~~~~~~

How in the blazes did Gorash even remember that whopper, Obi-Wan wondered, then shook his head and told himself he shouldn't have compounded the lie they'd told that night with more lies. I shouldn't have done that, he thought, strolling back to Anakin and Padmé and ignoring Anakin's puzzled glance.

By the time Dormé was ready to leave, Obi-Wan's boredom factor had grown to such an extent that he'd actually contemplated sneaking out. He was more than ready to go home and snuggle with his wife.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was time to kiss her. Any longer and Anakin suspected they'd explode on contact. Stepping closer, he saw Padmé's eyes widen, anticipation in those depths. She tilted her head a fraction as an invitation.

He managed to resist the urge to crush her to him, instead forcing himself to kiss her the way he knew she liked. First were barely there touches to her lips until she leaned closer. Next, were longer brushes, teasing and coaxing, although no real coaxing was needed. Finally, he deepened the kiss, drawing her flush against him, hands moving to cradle her face.

She came to him willingly, eagerly. Memories trickled through his mind. One kiss became two, then multiplied, but when Padmé yanked his shirt free of his belt, with the obvious intent of sliding her hands beneath it, he pulled away.

Padmé looked as dazed as he felt. Taking one of her hands, he kissed it's back and beat a fast retreat to his door.

"Good night."

Her mouth opened and closed several times, the hand he'd kissed remaining stretched out to him. "Ani...."

Anakin knew his smile was more than a little wicked. "Sleep well, my love."

After a second, she raised a brow. Her voice was breathless and soft. "Oh I will, Anakin. You sleep well too."

There were no more words between them before they went into their separate apartments.

~~~~~~~~~~

"He choked you," Sonas said quietly, watching Padmé's reaction to the statement.

"It wasn't Anakin," she replied. "It was Vader." An infuriating smug expression was on her beautiful features. "Anakin loves me."

Sonas resisted the urge to bang his head on the desk. Anakin's wife was the most frustrating, infuriating individual he'd ever met. She was stubborn, more self-assured than any woman he knew, opinionated and completely set in her rationalizations. She'd grasped the diagnosis and used it to explain anything she didn't want to face. Ergo, nothing was Anakin's fault. Everything was Vader's.

It was Vader who'd chopped off Mace Windu's arm and allowed Palpatine to throw him out the window; who'd killed younglings and Jedi; who'd choked her and it was Vader, she maintained, who'd tried to kill Ben. Anakin did none of it.

Frustrating. Even Anakin didn't try to ignore his part in those actions. He admitted he had been party to them.

"By extension, Padmé, Vader loved you as well," he pointed out, though he knew Vader had not felt emotion like most people. It was Anakin who had the full range of emotion, not Vader. Vader had shades of gray, degrees of lust and ire. Vader, Anakin had confirmed, had not felt the gentle sort of love for Padmé, but rather a lust to keep what was already in his possession. If Vader had won on Mustafar, he would have taken Padmé home, charmed and wooed her while pretending to be Anakin, and shown her off as his -- a pure possession, not a wife.

A frown tilted her brow, the smugness disappearing. "You and I both know that isn't true. Vader would never have loved me as a person like Anakin does. To Vader, I was simply a thing he owned. It's there in what I remember, Doctor. The way he touched my face before leaving to go to Mustafar. I knew Anakin was different then, but I couldn't accept what I knew as truth. I wonder now if Vader had at that moment noticed my... worth...as a possession." She swallowed hard enough he could hear it. "You think I don't see it, but I do." She sighed, shoulders slumping a little. "You think I'm rationalizing, unwilling to face matters. I'm not. I know Anakin was ambitious, angry and jealous. How could I not? I know he held Vader's traits inside him long before they fully separated into two. I fully realize it was Anakin who made a choice that allowed the fracturing to occur to begin with."

She did understand. It was there in her eyes, one her face and in her voice. Padmé knew very well where they all stood.

"I love my husband, Sonas. He's not perfect, but he's mine. I have to believe he let Vader cope with the pain of killing children, friends, and colleagues on Palpatine's order because it hurt him too much. I have to believe that Anakin let Vader choke me until I passed out simply to get me out of the way of the inevitable duel between him and Ben because he knew I'd be in the middle of them trying to stop them. I have to believe that Anakin, beneath the emerging Vader, was motivated by his love and got carried away." She shook her head. A veil of sadness covered her over. "I lost him once to Vader and the dark side. I don't intend to let it happen again."

Sonas sat back in his chair, and took a deep breath. Though they had a mutual opinion of each other that rested firmly in loathing, he thought that now he had an inkling as to the woman Padmé Skywalker really was. She was emotionally strong and loyal, willing to stand by her husband despite the very real risks of doing so.

She really does love him, he decided.

"Then tell me what you want to happen. What are your personal hopes and goals, Padmé? Your children are alive. Do you intend to have them meet their father? Do you intend to eventually have more children?"

After a long measuring look, she outlined the hopes she'd been carrying with her.

"Well, then. Let's begin working towards them."

The first goal: meeting the children without anxiety to Anakin. It was agreed that Padmé could tell him a little about one of the children, but nothing specific. Then, to set up a meeting.