The Long Road Back

Chapter Sixteen: Cleaning Up

~~~~~~~~~~

The reality of standing before him with silence to fill was more than Padmé could bear. She found herself saying the first thing that came to mind. Anakin, you broke my heart. How very true that statement was! And yethis letters in recent times had given her hope for him.

Tears came and when she realized she wasn't going to be able to stop them, Padmé ran from him, out into the hallway and outside. She let herself be directed onto a rebel transport and taken up into a rebel ship every bit as big as Palpatine's ship had been. Once there, she simply told them that she and Dormé had been taken and then rescued by Obi-Wan and Anakin.

She spent time alone, thinking and wondering how this was going to end. She wanted to talk with Anakin like they never had, with complete honesty. At the same time, however, she wasn't certain if they could do it. They'd never been too good at being honest with each other before. What did the future truly hold for them? Could they make a future together? Would this turn of events allow them to? A thought occurred to her that added fresh emotional ill. What if he was found out? What if it was made known that he'd been Darth Vader?

Her stomach churned at the idea and what the consequences could be. He would be either imprisoned or executed as a war criminal. Considering all that Vader had done, execution was likely.

Don't think like that, she told herself. Our lives will change once more and perhaps.

Padmé sighed. Enough of that! What will be will be and there is no point in imagining the worst. There is no point in throwing myself into despair when it's not certain despair is the outcome.

She was given small quarters to rest in and food to eat, then informed that they were headed to Coruscant to tell the Senate of Palpatine's demise. There was no mention of her friends. Padmé ate, showered and changed into fresh clothing provided, then laid down for a nap.

When she woke, Anakin was outside her door.

~~~~~~~~~~

It never ceased to amaze Anakin how people created elaborate stories to explain matters; like how he, Obi-Wan, Padmé and Dormé had been present for Palpatine's death. The story these rebels assumed was amusing, complex, and thoroughly wrong:

Anakin had not been killed at the Temple protecting younglings (as had been bandied about). No, he had followed Obi-Wan to join him in the fighting against the Separatists. Then, when things had shifted against the Jedi, he and Obi-Wan had together urged Padmé Amidala to go into hiding to protect herself and her baby from policies they'd foreseen going into effect against those who'd been Jedi friends.

Padmé had faked her death with the help of those two and Obi-Wan's secret wife Dormé, who had once been a loyal handmaiden to Amidala. After suffering a late miscarriage, Padmé had begun to help the rebel movement, always keeping her face veiled. Dormé fled Naboo to live with her husband in exile until time to topple Palpatine came about.

Anakin, in the meantime, had hidden in plain sight, evidenced by the mentions of his name in such places as the client list of CC Wave. Somewhere along the way, he'd been in an accident that mildly disfigured his features. Thanks to informants, Anakin had known just when to go after Darth Vader, killing him on his ship and stealing his fighter to rendezvous with Obi-Wan.

Unfortunately, Palpatine had found Kenobi's whereabouts and gone to Tatooine to kill him. Upon not finding him home, troops had taken the women to entice Kenobi. From then on, the Kenobi/Skywalker team had worked their magic, ridding the galaxy of the tyrant and incorporating a rescue into their plans. A bright day for the galaxy!

And so, so wrong. However, it surprised him that Padmé, Obi-Wan, and Dormé had not told them how wrong they were. He smiled a little to himself. Dormé and her secret husband. Wrong couple, right idea. Although. When had Obi-Wan romanced Dormé? Had Obi-Wan been married to her all along? Had he broken the code?

Anakin set aside that wondering for later.

The rebels made it all sound logical.

Anakin sat in a conference room, waiting for the next step. They were heading towards Coruscant, where the fate of the galaxy would be discussed. Already, Palpatine was missed, according to rebel talk. News of Palpatine not answering messages was getting out and panic was setting in. The Emperor was never out of communication.

The door opened and a disheveled Obi-Wan came in, taking the chair across from him. He explained, "She made me leave the birthing room. The drugs took effect and she claimed I was in the way. I'm told it will likely be hours yet, that she's progressing as can be expected, and I'll be informed when it's time for me to be there."

Anakin watched him a long moment, studied those familiar features, noting the emotion in Obi-Wan's expression. He loved Dormé like Anakin loved Padmé. That was plain in every mention of her. Perhaps now was the time for that question. "You and Dormé. Explain that."

Obi-Wan returned his stare, then smiled softly. "I love her."

"There's no doubt of that, but you married her." That fact he couldn't get around. How did proper Obi-Wan go from following the code to marrying a woman? "I don't understand that, Obi-Wan. You married her."

"Why does everyone say it like that? She's a beautiful, exceptional woman. You married Padmé, Anakin, so I don't believe you've any room to talk."

"That's different."

"How?"

He had him there, didn't he? "The code forbids it."

"That didn't stop you. However, there are special cases. Were, rather."

"Are you and Dormé a special case?" He tapped his fingers on the tabletop.

"Well, seeing as how Vader murdered the rest of the Jedi one by one, I would say so." Drawing a deep breath, Obi-Wan made a noise of exasperation. "Why didn't you come to me when you realized you wished to marry her, Anakin? Why didn't you tell me straight that you loved her? I would have helped you. I loved you as a brother and truthfully, I loved Padmé as a sister. I still do. As the Chosen One, there might have been a chance that the Council would have given you a dispensation."

"A slim chance."

"But a chance. It was there and you didn't even pursue it. You could have asked using hypothetical situations. I certainly did that enough over the years."

"Oh please, Obi-Wan. Do you really think the Council would have let me marry Padmé? They didn't trust me under normal circumstances, so why would they trust me with a wife? Not to mention, that even if they had agreed, there would have been stupid, pointless restrictions, such as I could only marry her once I became a Master."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps you would have checked your own impulses and attained that status you lusted over."

Their voices raised, louder and louder. "Perhaps," he asked, hearing Vader wake inside his mind and begin to whisper. Calm down, he told himself. Concentrate on breathing. He closed his eyes, imagining his airways opening up, visualizing unimpeded air flow inside his body. Calming, cleansing breathes, flushing out his anger and irritation. Doc had told him visualization was fine if it helped. When calm descended, he reopened his eyes. "Tell me, please, how you reconciled yourself with the code."

Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed and he nodded. "My exile was a forced retirement, so to speak. I came to love Dormé when she and Padmé came to stay with me. She made me completely crazy at first, but she filled an empty place inside me." He shrugged. "The action was the right one and I've not regretted it for one second. Every day is truly an adventure in our house, from her shopping habits to unexpected guests." His smile hinted at some private amusement. "I love her and while I am a Jedi, the Jedi Order is gone. The future of the Jedi and those who could be trained as such is....clouded. There must be changes for the future and I believe the code needs much revision if the Order is to ever be revived."

His former friend was watching him closely. Looking for signs of ire? Anakin sat back in his chair. How long until Obi-Wan trusted him again? How long until anyone trusted him again? The idea that it might never occur beat about his mind.

Sadness tinged Obi-Wan's smile. "Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin. Your anxiety is natural given what has happened between us and our current situation. We'll take each day as it comes, yes?"

Before he could answer, Obi-Wan was summoned to the birthing room.

~~~~~~~~~~

While he didn't particularly care for the process of birth, Obi-Wan wouldn't have missed it. He held their son, unable to think of a single word to describe exactly what it was he was feeling. Pride, joy, relief and more swirled through him in a heady rush. I'm a father, he thought. It's really happened. "He's beautiful," he murmured, stroking a finger along the boy's face and marveling that he and Dormé had brought a perfect baby into the galaxy.

Ten fingers, ten toes and a cry that indicated he had good strong lungs. There was a swirling of dark hair along the back of his head and if he resembled a lizard with his wrinkly, newborn skin, then Obi-Wan didn't really notice. All he noticed was that he and Dormé had a healthy son.

Dormé sipped the water held for her and took his hand in hers. Though utterly exhausted, she was gorgeous to him. "He looks like you," she replied.

"No," he shook his head. "He looks like you, my love."

"No, he looks like both of you. Don't start that back and forth nonsense." Qui-Gon had arrived, moving to peer over Obi-Wan's shoulder at the baby.

Obi-Wan gave a glance his direction. "How long have you been here, Master?"

Dormé perked up a bit, letting go of his hand and tugging the sheet up higher. "Qui-Gon? He's here? Where is he, Ben?"

"Looking over my shoulder at our son."

Qui-Gon chuckled, tickling a finger under the boy's chin. "Such a disturbance you, Anakin and Palpatine caused. It was like an explosion, Obi-Wan, with shockwaves rippling outward. I was with Yoda and he and I were both curious as to what had occurred, so here I am and what do I find? A birth and death in one day."

Dormé motioned to the chair. "Well ask him to sit already, Ben. Don't be a bad host."

Qui-gon's grin was amused. "I like your wife Obi-Wan." Obligingly, he took a seat. "A fascinating woman. Tell her that I accept and that I've never found her an ungracious hostess even when she'd no idea I was present."

He relayed the message. Dormé beamed from the compliment. "Well thank you. It's always a pleasure to have friends visit."

Soon, Obi-Wan realized Dormé was exhausted, needing rest. She could barely keep her eyes open and their son had already fallen asleep. We'll have to name him soon, he thought, leaning over to kiss her. "Rest. I'll be back later."

Under guard, he went to an observation lounge and sat down to watch space go by. Qui-Gon refrained from speaking until the door had shut, leaving the guards outside.

"Do you trust Anakin?"

"I don't know. Padmé does. She claims he's left Vader behind, turned his life around. Frankly, I don't see how he could go from slaughtering whole planets of people to just being himself again. He fell to the dark side, Master. How do I know that he isn't using Sith tricks like Palpatine did?"

Qui-Gon sat beside him. "What do your senses tell you?"

"My senses tell me he's Anakin, the man I knew."

"Then he is Anakin."

"But my head tells me he could become Vader in the barest blink of an eye and what have I done? I've helped him gain a clear shot to the throne. He could very well go in and claim the throne now, name himself as Emperor."

"Has he?"

He stroked his beard a moment, then shook his head. "No. He told me to kill him if he attempts to take Palpatine's place. He said if that happens, then Vader has returned and would not let him have control. It would be kinder to kill him." When there was no reply, Obi-Wan turned his head. "Master?"

"An interesting choice of words, Obi-Wan. Let him have control? Let us consider the implications of that." He stood. "I must inform Yoda of this turn."

Alone, Obi-Wan pondered the words as instructed and was troubled even deeper by his conclusions.

~~~~~~~~~~

In previous times, being alone with Anakin had meant kisses and hugs and gentle expressions of their love for each other. Now was a different matter, for much had changed. Padmé invited him in, served him fruit juice and settled across from him. She clasped her hands in her lap, gaze drinking in the sight of him even as her heart pounded fierce in her chest.

He took a sip of the drink and set it aside. "We need to talk and better we do so immediately on some things."

"You don't have to." Padmé stopped herself. In the past, they'd failed to listen to one another, much like how that first war had begun. She'd not heard his true views there in the meadow and he'd later not heard her true wants. Like willful children, they'd only heard what they wanted to hear.

No more, she decided. He was right. Some things needed to be said immediately, before they were presented to the galaxy as the deliverers from tyranny. She would listen to what he felt he had to tell her.

After a moment, she dipped her head in a hesitant nod. "Go on."

~~~~~~~~~~

Where to begin? Guilt was eating at him over so many things, dining in splendorous gluttony upon him. Anakin didn't know where to even start and so he began with the point that concerned him most. He swallowed a gulping dose of fracturing pride and heaping shame.

"I thought you were dead, Padmé. Please know that. If I'd any inkling you were really alive. I truly thought you were gone. I even went to your grave."

Her hands kept tightening together in her lap and she was as nervous as he.

Anakin cleared his throat. Best to say it plain. No sugar-coating, though how could he possibly sugar-coat his transgression? "I've been unfaithful to you. I met a woman this past year through a personal ad. We've been corresponding for months. She's been everything I needed: understanding, caring, nonjudgmental and yet so opinionated. She helped me. Norel was a bright spot I looked forward to. Her letters." He looked down at the floor, not wanting to se the hurt that would be in her eyes. "I even went to Naboo to meet with her."

"Did you?"

"No." Her voice was calm, almost too calm. She had to be thinking he was going to leave her for Norel, didn't she? "She was unable to make our dinner plans because of a family emergency." A quick glance at her face confused him. He'd expected to see betrayal and pain on her features and she lookedhappy? Anakin knew that expression and there was no mistaking it. Padmé was happy. He gave his head a tiny shake. Had the Sith lightning fried too much of her? "Padmé, I think I love her, but I know I still love you. When Obi-Wan told me you were alive."

Tears filled her eyes. Finally, he thought. A reaction he expected, something he understood. "Oh, Ani." She covered her mouth with one hand.

"She's very like you. Not in her hobbies, but in her convictions. Norel reminded me so much of you that sometimes I got the two of you confused. I'd find myself picturing you in my head, imagining you there. She never sent an image--"

Padmé laughed and to his mind, it was mildly hysterical.

When she'd quieted somewhat, he asked, "Do you need a sedative," which sent her into freshgiggles? She was hysterical, wasn't she? Oh great. Obi-Wan and Dormé were going to kill him for upsetting her.

"Anakin, you haven't been unfaithful."

"Yes I was. Weren't you listening?"

"No, you weren't. Trust me. I know Norel."

He went very still. Just what did she mean by that? Alarm flitted through him. "You know her."

"I am her."

"No, no. You aren't her. You don't sew. You no longer live on Naboo and Norel sews and gardens and lives in the lake country."

"Well I had to do something, Anakin. I couldn't exactly run about Theed as myself, could I? I had to retire, to find things to fill up the time. Imagine my surprise when I came across your ad. How could I not write to you? Then you wanted a name and I got tired of writing 'Waiting' all the time. The cottage, the hobbies. It was all me."

He sat back, stared at her. "You lied to me. You let me think you were dead and pretended to be another woman. The story of your life, isn't it? Pretending to be one thing when really you're another entirely." Breaking off, he swallowed hard. No. He again shook his head. Don't think like that. That's Vader twisting this.

Sure enough, if he relaxed his guard he could hear Vader talking, saying those same words, naming her as a liar and traitor.

She couldn't tell who she was, he thought, not and remain safe from Palpatine. She helped me, risked her life to do so, for if she'd slipped up once. She wanted to see me. It was her idea to meet. "Were you really there at the resort?"

"Yes, but when I went to the dining room. I wasn't ready for a face-to-face after all."

Sitting forward again, Anakin put his head in his hands. "I sensed you. It wasn't my imagination. Padmé, I thought I was imagining things. I almost did the same thing you did, leaving a message. I sensed you there and it felt like I was cheating on you. I thought it was just Naboo."

She slipped from her seat and to the floor in front of him, kneeling and placing her hands on his knees. The movement was tentative, as though she was unsure how he'd react. "But now we're here. We can start over. I want to start over, Anakin." Emotions skated across her beautiful features, one after another. "Can we?"

He blinked, then covered her hands with his. "Believe me, Padmé, I'd like nothing more, but don't take this the wrong way. Why do you want to stay with me? I need your reasons."

"Because I never stopped loving you."

"I choked you."

Her gaze lowered from his. "You were in the grip of the dark side. Obi-Wan told me it twists people, changes them--"

"It does and it's seductive. It would be simple if the dark side was hideous from the start, but it isn't. It's slow and seeps inside, coaxing." He stopped, shook his head. "I'm sorry, Padmé. About the miscarriage. I'm so sorry that my choking you brought about that kind of pain."

She pulled away, eyes wide at the apology. "Miscarriage? Nothing else of that story is true, but you believed that part? Oh no, Ani. Our babies have grown into beautiful children. They're both absolutely adorable."

"Babies?"

She nodded, smiling wide. "Two. We had twins." She returned to him, clasping his hands in hers. "Can we see them? Together? You want to, don't you? We can go see them now. We can --"

"No. Don't. Not until you hear everything I have to tell you." Loosing a hand, he stroked a thumb along her lower lip, heartened when she didn't move. "I would love to see them, but I don't want to risk them. Vader is greedy, power hungry, bitter and twisted. He'd take our children and twist them."

"I wouldn't let that happen." She didn't understand, he could see the incomprehension in her eyes.

How could he explain the horrible truth of Vader? "How would you stop him? My anger gives him strength. Don't misunderstand. I do want to see them, to love them and be a father to them, however late that is in coming. I won't let the monster inside me taint them."

"But" She shook her head. "You're Anakin. You're not Vader anymore. It doesn't have to be that way."

He hated making her sad so soon after happiness. "Yes it does. They are our hope, a new generation. There must be changes made for the future. You go to them, love them for both of us. When they're old enough, explain to them. Tell them why I won't see them. Make sure they know I do it to protect them. Vader can't know either of them."

Padmé got up and turned her back, hugging herself. "We'll never have any more children, will we?"

He shrugged, helpless to comfort her, uncertain if he should hold her. "I don't know. It would probably be best."

She nodded. "Would you leave me alone please? I need to think."

Anakin stood. I've messed things up again, he thought. I've hurt her. "Padmé."

"Just go. I need to think about this and I I can't do it with you here."

Feeling even worse, Anakin wandered the ship, a guard behind him until he found the observation lounge. He sensed Obi-Wan's presence, a lingering essence, and sat down. He was not alone long.

"Tell me the truth, Anakin. Tell me what you meant about Vader letting you have control."

With tears trickling down his face, Anakin finally told Obi-Wan everything.