Fresh Wounds Amid Old Pains

Chapter 2

Notes: As sometimes happens with my ideas, this one suddenly took off in my head. Have stretched the events taking place outside Kara's prison to line up with this work. Again, not for the squeamish.

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Time went on. Kara's shoulder healed. How long had she been in this hell? He never told her any longer. Was it five months now? Six? How long had it taken her shoulder to heal? Did she even care enough anymore to count the days as they passed? Questions that she knew would remain unanswered kept going through her mind.

Was Galactica out there? It was out there somewhere, but close? Were they planning a rescue; waiting for the right moment to swoop down and save them all? Or had they been left behind, given up as lost, casualties of war cut loose? She didn't want to consider the possibility. The very idea that she was going to be with Leoben the rest of her days had her skin crawling. What would she become if he had his way?

Was Sam alive? Leoben never mentioned him save for calling him the 'imposter husband' once, refusing to tell her if he was alive or if his illness those months ago had killed him. Was Sam looking for her right now or had he given up hope after so long?

And Kacey? Was Kacey really her child? At this question, she would touch the scar on her side, trace it with trembling fingertips. Kara couldn't think straight long enough to reason out the truth. They had taken an ovary from her. What else could they have planned to do with it other than make a child? Leoben didn't always lie. Sometimes the truth he told was so real and harsh that it was like a knife gutting her.

Periodically, the sickening memories she'd boxed away would rise up and it was in those moments that Kara doubted her sanity. She doubted everything as she sat or stood frozen in place, her own mind subjecting her to the horror of Leoben's physical attacks on her. Those scenes scrolled across the screen of her mind, blending together, and when the last scene had played, Kara told herself that they were nightmares she'd had. She wrapped herself up so tightly in a blanket of denial that she began to honestly believe her own fiction. She was a strong woman, physically fit, trained for frak's sake. Nothing like that could ever happen to her. Other women, yes, but not to her.

Still, she remained very aware of what he was capable of. Watchful and wary.

She laid her head on her arms and stared towards the window. She didn't bother opening the curtains anymore. There was nothing to see, nowhere to go. Kara wondered if she'd ever breathe fresh air again, or feel anything but artificial light on her skin. Kacey at least got to go outside. She was there right now, or so Leoben had told her. He'd mentioned something about a play-date as he'd zipped the girl into a light jacket and tied her shoes. Such a normal phrase. 'Play-date'. As though he was a normal father taking his daughter out while mommy rested at home. When they returned, Kacey would either be cranky and tired, with sticky spots on her cheeks from sweets, or she'd be sleeping with her head against Leoben's shoulder, the same sticky spots on her cheeks.

One of the two.

Kara didn't know what child or children Kacey played with. The thought of more kids socked away in this building was horrible. How many children were being kept here? Were they human? Or Cylon breeding experiments?

Pushing herself back, Kara slumped in the chair. She should to take a shower while they were gone and she still had an assurance of privacy. Maybe the heat of the water could ease some of the tension that was ever present along her shoulders and back. Not that it ever worked anymore. There was too much tension here to begin with. She sat awhile longer, staring at the wall without really seeing it, then stood and went into the bathroom.

More time was spent staring in the mirror at her reflection. With a sigh, she slowly slipped out of her clothes and started the water, adjusting the temperature until it was more hot than warm.

The door to the bathroom opened. Leoben leaned against the frame, hands in his pockets. He looked her up and down with a particularly satisfied expression.

Dragging a towel from the bar, she wrapped it around her. It was one thing to walk around naked with friends around, but another entirely to do so in front of him. "Get the frak out!" Why was he back so soon? Surely no more than half an hour had passed? Or had it been longer? How long had she stared into space, lost in her thoughts?

His lips curved just a little. "Have I told you recently how beautiful you are?" Stepping into the room, he carefully shut the door and came to her. Though she backed up to the point of stepping into the running water, it didn't deter him, he simply followed, unheedful of the water soaking his clothes. His hands raised, cupped her face, thumbs stroking her cheeks. One thumb slid along her lower lip. "You have a kissable mouth. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"You and a hundred others. What do you want," she gritted out through clenched teeth.

"What do you want, Kara," he returned the question to her. Curiosity reflected in his eyes.

"I asked you first." She willed herself to remain wooden, perfectly still against him, her hands clenched tightly at her sides.

"I want..." His tongue touched the corner of his mouth, slid across his upper lip. For a second Kara thought he might actually tell her without any crap mixed in, but then he grinned as though a sudden idea hit him. "Would you like to go outside tomorrow? I'm fairly certain I can arrange it. Fresh air does wonders. No one can argue how vigorous fresh air can make a body. We can walk together, look at the....scenery." His eyes narrowed. When she didn't answer immediately, he forced her back against the shower wall. Leoben's hands moved, embracing her, squeezing hard on first her arms and then her waist. The towel slipped a fraction.

Outside was a forbidden word in this apartment, never uttered in the context of her allowed places to be. To be outside was to be out of his full control. Did he mean it? Would he let her outside? Kara very much doubted it. This was a tease, a prelude to something else entirely. She couldn't help the flaring of hope inside her. To be outside was to have the chance, however slim, to escape him. It wasn't a probability, likely even outside the realm of possibility. There would be guards and above all, there would be him right there with her.

"I can see the wanting in your eyes, Kara. You want to go outside, maybe catch a glimpse of someone you know. What's it worth to you? Is it worth a hug? A kiss? More? What would you do for ten minutes of time outside?" One hand dipped under the towel to squeeze her rear.

"Go frak yourself," she whispered in the sweetest tone she could manage.

"Or twenty minutes?"

"Repeat the previous sentiment."

His fingers trailed along her thigh. "How about Kacey's life, then? What would you do to save her life? Would you kiss me and hold me and tell me you loved me? Let me hold you and touch you and teach you how much I love you? What is her life worth to you?"

A chill swept her. "You won't hurt her."

His gaze was unemotional, all semblance of emotion fading away. "Are you so sure of that?"

"You won't," she said again.

"Why not? Tell me why you think so. Maybe I....stole her away from a woman outside. What possible emotional connection could I claim to her then?"

"You said she's our daughter." She shook her head.

His features softened, and under different circumstances, his smile could have been considered charming. "And she is. She looks just like you. I had hoped she would."

"Then you won't harm her for...emotional reasons."

His smile widened. "That's a good point, but we've had one child, Kara, we can have a second or more. One way or another. Plenty of eggs left in that ovary," his fingers smoothed along her cheek, "and in the one still inside you."

Anger heated her veins. Kara shoved him, drew her arm back and snapped a punch forward. The sound of her fist meeting his face was satisfying, until he returned the punch and she found herself crumpled on the floor of the shower stall, her lip bleeding. She swiped her thumb against the spot.

He took a fresh towel, blotted it against his face and neck. "I'll leave you awhile to think about it. Keep quiet now, Kacey's sleeping. Poor girl is all worn out."

Kara remained where she was for a long while, water pouring down upon her. The towel she'd wrapped around her was sopping wet, half-in and half-out of the stall. Would he really hurt Kacey if she didn't give him something? Kara had the idea he would.

A sense of unreality settled upon her as she stood, turned off the shower and dried off. Would a hug be hard to give him? Yes. Would it be enough to keep him from killing Kacey? Kara swallowed hard. Not at this juncture. He wouldn't take less than full physical contact, including willing kisses and the acceptance of such from him. Turning her head, she saw her reflection. Gods, she thought. Am I actually considering it? Her eyes were wide open, with dark smudges like bruises beneath them. She may be sleeping, but obviously wasn't resting when she did. Her lips looked bloodless, swelling slightly where he'd hit her.

Reaching out a hand, Kara picked up a jar, threw it as hard as she could at the mirror, then another and another. Anything that she touched, she threw. She didn't sob, refused to sob, for if she did so once, she'd begin howling and it was debatable whether or not she'd be able to stop. She felt like she was walking along a tightrope and there was no net beneath her. Any second she could go crashing down into insanity.

The mirror broke in jagged pieces and with a tinkling crash.

Kara paused, the glimpse of herself in that mirror stopping her. Her image was splintered, as broken as the mirror. Dropping the last jar she'd grabbed, she raised her fingers to her mouth, covered it. Her reflection did the same.

This is what he's done to me, she thought.

Leoben had fractured her beyond all recognition of herself. So many pieces scattered, missing, crushed. Not whole. Her gaze searched her mirrored gaze, then studied what she saw. Where was Starbuck? She saw no evidence of Starbuck there. For that matter...where was Kara?

I'm no longer myself.

Bending, she searched the pieces for the biggest, longest shard of glass. Gingerly, she touched one edge. Blood welled up on her thumb. The mirror had broken. Crash. Why hadn't she tried it before? With a small smile more than a bit tinged with hate, she wrapped a washcloth around the wide end to keep from cutting her hand.

Seven years bad luck. Tally it up. So be it. He wanted a kiss and a feel, she'd give him just that. She'd give him what he wanted, but he, in return, would give her what she wanted -- at least for a few hours. For a little while she would pretend that he was gone for good and that she and Kacey were free. When he returned, he could not argue that she hadn't fulfilled his terms for her.

Kara dressed and went out to wait for Leoben to return. She sat on the couch as she usually did. The glass shard was set on the floor, her sweatshirt covering it. It took several minutes to arrange it to her satisfaction and she hoped the placement didn't look too staged. Her glance strayed across the room to Kacey, who was still asleep. It was a mystery to Kara how the girl had slept through all of the racket in the bathroom. Was Leoben drugging her or had she just played that hard? Was he drugging both of them? A serious consideration, as they seemed to sleep away the hours of the day and night anymore.

She pressed a hand to her forehead, then massaged her temples. Her life on Galactica was becoming more and more dream-like, something she had conjured up in a moment of fancy. Kara struggled to keep her perspective, brought out a memory of flying and let it linger in her thoughts. With her eyes closed, she relived the memory, the sensation of being fully in control, on top of her world and so very sure of what to do. Would there ever be more memories like it?

The door closed above with a thud.

Leoben came down the stairs, saw her sitting quietly. Kara watched him, then turned her body on the couch and curled up, one leg bent and against the couch back, the other bent and flat on the cushion. He sat beside her, forearms resting on his thighs. "Have you considered your options?"

"Every last one," she replied.

"And?" He slid close, pressing against her bent leg. His hand curved around her right ankle, then up, moving her leg so that it mirrored her left.

Get him complacent. Let him think he's wearing me down. Kara allowed the contact with much force of will. Her first instinct was to grab the glass and strike, to hurt him before he had a chance to hurt her. "I'm tired."

"Of what?"

"I don't want to have to fight anymore." She swallowed, licked her lips. It wasn't a stretch to put fatigue into her words. It was truth. Kara didn't want to have to fight. She wanted freedom from him.

Pleasure rippled across his face. He shifted, advancing on her. "So don't fight."

Outside, there was a loud crashing.

"What was that?"

He didn't pause in his progress towards her. "Insurgents. They're growing bolder. It's nothing, Kara." Leoben took her right hand, threaded their fingers together, and then he was flush against her. His expression dared her to object before he lowered his head, lips nuzzling her ear. "It doesn't concern us."

She slid her left hand up from the cushion and onto his side, hesitating as though uncertain. The cloth of his shirt was soft. Kara rubbed her fingers against it hard enough to move it aside. Her fingers touched skin. Fake skin, she reminded herself. It felt real, too real, warm and firm. She slid her hand the rest of the way beneath the shirt, somewhat pleased to feel his body tense. Was he wondering if she'd scratch him?

Leoben raised up on his elbows. His gaze searched hers. "Let me make that easier for you." He removed his shirt, then grasped the hem of her tank. "Easier for me."

She let him take the tank and watched it fall to the floor with his shirt. He was back against her in a blink, making contented noises as he nuzzled her neck and pressed fervent kisses to her face. She returned her left hand to his side, stroked her fingers there. Now, she wondered? Was this the time to strike? Her right hand lowered slowly towards the floor, searching for her sweatshirt. It was there somewhere. She arched her back a little, trying to reach the glass shard. Her hips raised, bumped hard against him.

He stilled, giving a last brush of his lips to her cheek. "Something down there, Kara?"

She wiggled her shoulder. "My shoulder is hurting."

Narrowed and skeptical eyes perused her face. Slowly, he leaned over, hand going to the floor. "Is it now?"

"It is." Her heart pounded hard and furious in her chest. Distract him, she told herself. No different than in a good game of poker. She shifted her hips, squeezing her thighs against him. There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes.

His brought his shirt up, bunched it and slid it under her shoulder. Leoben caught her hand and raised it, placing it on his shoulder. He laid his arm along the cushion edge, essentially blocking her from trying to reach to the floor. His hand cupped her shoulder, massaged with a gentle touch. "All better?"

"Yes."

His head lowered once more and she squeezed her eyes shut, sliding her palm up and down his back. Make him believe, she told herself, dragging her hand around to his side and between them. Have to make him believe. He lifted up a little, giving her the room to touch him. His stomach contracted beneath her fingertips. Before she could lose her nerve, Kara turned her head and fitted her lips to his. The contact was barely begun and he was pulling back.

Do what you have to do. Nothing personal, her mind whispered.

"Kara--"

"I love you," she whispered, then gasped, hoping and praying she wasn't over-playing her hand.

Leoben stared at her. She saw hope and suspicion both in his eyes. His glance flicked to the floor and back. "You--"

"I love you," she repeated, then snaked her hand up to his neck and tugged him back down to her. She kissed him the way she knew he wanted from her and wondered why it felt as though a part of her was dying. After a moment, where his body remained tense, he did respond, the kiss taken over by him, jacked up to a higher level of intimacy. One kiss, then two, then her shoving him up and pressing a string of kisses along his chest. He braced himself, one hand gripping the couch edge to balance.

Make him believe.

She trailed her fingers down that arm. The sounds from outside were growing louder, with shorter bursts of time between them. Someone was putting up one helluva fight.

"You love me," he said, eyes closing.

"I do." She nipped at his skin with her teeth, stomach muscles beginning to feel the burn of the position she was half-sitting in.

"Do you love me?"

Kara kissed a line down his arm. "Yes, I love you." She reached his wrist, her hand reaching down and tossing aside her sweatshirt, but as her fingers grazed the glass shard, she paused. What was she feeling, really? There were so many emotions and thoughts going through her mind that she wasn't entirely certain that -- on some level -- she didn't feel love for him. She grasped the shard and sat back up until her face was a couple inches from his.

His eyes opened. "Do you love me, Kara?" Triumph glinted in his eyes.

There was another crash outside and Kara allowed herself to hope for just a moment that rescue was coming. She looked him in the eyes, nodded. "Yes, Leoben. I love you." The glass shard slipped into his skin far easier than she had imagined.

That triumph quickly faded, hurt replacing it. He shook his head, looked down at the wound she'd inflicted and back at her.

"Now get the frak off of me." She shoved him, took great delight in the sound of his body hitting the floor. Kara got onto her knees and looked over the couch edge.

Triumph returned onto his features. "Told you...you would...love me," he gasped out.

Her lower lip quivered. She remembered his insistence that he'd seen the future and just what he had claimed to see. With a coldness growing inside her, Kara climbed down to straddle him. She tugged the glass up slowly from his flesh, enjoying the ripple of pain across his face and the way his body shuddered. Holding it up, she dangled it so he could see it, teeth momentarily catching her lower lip as she did so. "Apparently, you missed seeing it in context."

Kara plunged the shard into his neck.

She watched his eyes dim as his consciousness left his body, then stretched out her fingers, tracing his features almost lovingly. "You don't touch me," she whispered. She noticed a cut on her palm and was distracted by it, raising her hand to look at it. It wasn't deep, but wouldn't feel too good later. "Frak me," she shook her head. "That's gonna hurt."

The noises were still out there and Kara got up, stumbling a little when her legs trembled and didn't want to hold her weight. She threw open the curtains, saw chaos. People were everywhere, fleeing the area. Explosions sent dirt poofing into the air. She cocked her head and went into the bathroom, carefully washing the blood from her skin and slapping a bandage onto her cut palm. On her return to the main room, she checked on Kacey, saw her still sleeping and went to put on her shirt.

She knelt, lifting Leoben's head up a little as though it was just another object and tugging her tank out from beneath him. Her sweatshirt was next and while the tank had somehow escaped being completely saturated in his blood, the sweatshirt hadn't. Kara let go of his head, ignoring the cracking sound it made when it hit the floor. She pulled on the tank and left the sweatshirt as unsalvageable.

The noise was in the building now. If she listened closely, Kara thought she could hear screams. Standing, she went to wake Kacey. The girl didn't want to wake up, snuggling against Kara when she lifted her. She pressed Kacey's head to her shoulder so she couldn't see Leoben's body and waited on the stairs. If he came back.... Well, she'd deal with it when the time came. He'd be calm, wouldn't he? After all, she'd given him what he wanted. Hadn't she? She'd fulfilled his frakking vision.

Doors above exploded open, she could hear it happening. Hope grew, blossoming inside her. She imagined that everything was going to be fine. Kara smiled, rocking Kacey. "Hear that, honey? We're going home." Home would erase Leoben from her mind. This would become a dream, a bad one, and she'd never have to revisit it again.

The door at the top of the stairs exploded open and it was Sam's voice she heard calling out.

"We're here," she answered and hurried up to meet him.

It was time to go home.